10yo boy still wets during daytime only - PLEASE HELP!

[worriedwetter]

My 10 year old son has been toilet trained at night time for many a year, however, he has inconstinence on a daily basis and after tests have revealed no medical reason for it.  Therefor they say it must be emotionally triggered or a 'cry for attention'.  I have tried everything from rewards systems, to taking a part time job so I can spend more time with him, to disciplining (not smacking e.g taking away privelidges) etc but nothing seems to work.  Can someone pse give me some advise as to how to deal with this as it has become a social problem along with behavioural and is having a major effect on not only my son but also myself. Thank you Very worried mom of a wetter

[Cleveland Mom]

It could be that the separation between you and your spouse is affecting your son more than you are aware of.  Its not uncommon for children to have difficulties expressing feeling, fears, sadnesses.  In a child's life is very impacted when their parent's marriage breaks up.  Just because he isn't displaying overt grief, doesn't mean that he isn't grieving.  It can be very difficult for children especially boys to process thru difficult and painful feelings.  As stated children will often regress to an earlier stage of development when they are significantly stressed.

Have you been able to talk to your son about the breakup on more than a superficial level?  What has he told you, if you have?

I would add that its not a good practice to punish kids for toileting accidents, its best to maintain a matter-of-fact approach.  Ask him to help clean up, put the clothes in the wash.  Don't embarass him or become upset.  This will not help matters, at all.  

I feel like having him talk to a counselor at school and/or talking to his doctor about couseling would be very appropriate.  He may not be verbalizing his grief but his toileting accidents are telling other wise.  Best wishes...

[worriedwetter]

Thank you for your advice, he has not been showing any signs of anxiousness or nervousness, and in all other respects he is healthy, developing skills well, has lots of friends and is doing very well at school.  He went thru the disolvement of his parent marriage breakdown 2 1/2 years ago however it has been quite amicable with no fighting or tension as a result. The pants wetting has occurred periodically with no real signs as to what triggers it and was happening prior to the marriage breakdown.  I have thought it may have been because i was working full time and as a result took a job that meant I would be there before and after school for him, thinking this may have helped. unfortunately it hasnt.  The doctor said it was 'environmental' but since the seperation from my husband (his father) the home has been quite happy and harmonious (tho with children in the home this isnt always the case!) I have spoken with the school and there appears to be no signs of bullying and I limit the time he spends in front of television and computer games and monitor the types of programs he plays/watches.  I just dont seem to understand what triggers it. Is it likely that he will just 'grow out of it' he doesnt appear to have a 'yuk' factor when he wets either which means he cant see a problem with it.

[Cleveland Mom]

Does your son appear to be anxious or nervous?  Has he experienced any trauma or significant stress prior to him having these accidents during the day.  Often kids will regress due to trauma or stress.   Since medical problems have been ruled out you should go back to the doctor and request a behavioral health referral i.e. child psychologist to evalulate this problem.  Best wishes...

[koukla29]

I responded to a similar post a few posts down.  Please see the advice given to that mother.  Best wishes!