My Grandson defecates in pants

[chuck46]

My grandson who is 61/2 defecates in his pants all the time does not bother with the toilet at all. I have asked him what is wrong he shrugs his shoulders, his brother said he likes being told off and I asked do you like the attention, no he said, does it hurt, yes he said but it cannot as it is soft and he does it while we are in the lounge watching the TV and I would notice if he struggled, can't you be bothered, yes he said but tried to explain that going to the toilet would take 5 minutes instead of 1/2 hour trying to clean himself up.  He lies about him going in his pants.  I am 69 and have brought up his mum and his uncle whilst like everyone I did have some problems but nothing like this.  I have them for 5 weeks and find in difficult to cope, I have reached the point where I don't want him here but his parents both work and there is no one else.  I love him dearly but am on the point of asking my daughter to take him home and not bring him back.

[jemma116]

Life360 asks a good question.

Unfortunately some children are very much like that.  They do not want to miss anything and will hold on and not go to the toilet and then it is too late and they cannot hold it any longer.

I suggest you limit his time watching TV and spend more time with him, playing "snap", playing different games, teaching him to cook and bake, read them stories.  Keep an eye on him all the time and if you notice that he is wriggling or fidgeting, passing wind, then take him to the toilet if he says he does not want to go.

You will have by now have figured out the times when he defecates.  So before that time comes, ask him if he wants to go to the toilet.  If the answer is "no", just watch him if he fidgets about.  That is usually a good tale tale sign that a child needs to use the toilet.  

As you will know approximately the time that he does defecate, I presume it will be around the same time every day, before that time comes, tell him that he needs to go and sit on the toilet.  If he refuses, take him by the hand and take him to the toilet.  You could switch the television off, but that would be unfair on the other child.  If he screams and shouts that he will miss his favourite programme, do not give in to him.  If you can put the programme on hold, then do so.  But do not give in to him.

If he is doing it because he does not want to miss anything, you can also say that if he continues to do this there will be sanctions, no TV, no sweets or his favourite things.  Do not shout and yell at him, just explain that you love him, but that you do not like what he is doing and if it happens again, that you will speak with his mom to find someone else to look after him.

You do need to talk with his mum and find out whether he is doing this at home.  I should imagine that if he was, his mom would have warned you and provided nappies for him.  

Some children have a medical condition that cannot feel anything and cannot control their bowels and if that was the case, he would need to be seen by his doctor.

If he said that it hurts for him to empty his bowels, although it appears soft, it may still feel hard to begin with and will hurt him.  Probably because he is holding on.  Don't dismiss that the fact that he said it hurts, but tell his mom, so that she can book a doctor's appointment for him.  

If you are looking after the grandsons every day you may be able to book an appointment and take him to see your doctor.  Keep an eye where he scratches and feels itching.  Look at the faeces to see if there is any blood visible or any white threads that could be worms.

He may be embarrassed to use your toilet, so you can explain to him that we all have to do it.  

Good luck.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, does he do that at his home or only when hes with you?