My Son is 47 and still hates me

As a young adult my son grew further and further away from me.  I could tell he hated me, never talking to me, started drinking and using drugs.  His Father talked to him, but he just grew quiter and quiter.  He seemed to think because I had a sister with mental problems, that it was in my family.  So he avoided me at all costs.  I did everything for him, he had a car in school, and I did not even have one. I had to borrow my parents car or walk.  Now he is married, and his wife has turned him further away from me.  She has mental problems.  I turned her in for child abuse.  They can only guess it was me.  And I am not allowed to see my granddaughter, who is now 9 years old.  The last time I
saw her was  at 2 and 1/2 yrs old.  My son will not believe anything I tell him.  His wife was fired from her job because she was saying strange things and could not do her job.  She did not want her child to be fat, therefore she withheld almost all food from her.  She choked the dogs, put the 10 month old child in bed and let her cry herself to sleep.  Now the child is  obese.  Where does it all stop, my husband is no help.

[specialmom]

As this is a child forum, I guess you are saying once your baby always your baby . . .

I think at this point, I would concentrate on yourself.  Perhaps some counseling would help you deal with the blows life has given  you.  It must be very difficult to deal with the seperation that exists with your son.  But it sounds like it has been going on for a very long time.  He is now an adult and it sounds like he is dealing with lots of stress in his own life.  Let him be for now and work on things you can control.  What you CAN control is you and getting help for yourself.  Good luck.  Life can be painful and more so for some than others.  I wish you peace.  

[jdtm]

I  am going to go out "on a limb" and suggest an internet site which may help you - not really enough information to even "guess" the problem.  I might suggest reading the site "www.bpdfamily.com" - if boderline personality disorder is the problem, then this site will be of great help.  Hope that I am wrong  ....

[skepticalpeach]

How do you know all this is going on in their household if you haven't seen the child for 7 years? You're story doesn't really make any sense. Did your daughter-in-law's former boss tell you why he/she fired her? I don't understand how you know all this. It's very confusing.

It sounds like you guys are better off living separate lives. Sometimes people, even people in families just can't figure out how to get along and it's best to part ways. If my MIL called child services on me she wouldn't be allowed to see my daughter either. I'm sorry if that hurts, but it doesn't sound like a one sided issue.

[ljreyna]

I saw all these things when I was allowed in there home.  I did not make them up.  I also said my daughter in law was fired for not doing her job, and saying things she didn't remember, I did what I had to do, to save the child, I can live with that.  I just miss my son, and I have been promised a visit with my Granddaughter soon.