My Son's Behavior

[luckyrn]

My 5 year old son has been very aggressive at school with hitting and punching other children because he doesn't like the way they do something.  He also has been really elaborating on his imagination and discussing death, killing and losing his family.  We are unsure where this is coming from but we have had major changes in our lives:  we very recently moved out of state, so he switched schools and also goes to daycare instead of having a nanny.  We noticed more defiance at home but have really nipped it in the bud with warnings and time outs.  He is extremely smart and teachers have said he excelling academically.  However this emotional teary discussion of these fears is scaring me.  Not to mention the aggression.  He has only been at the school and daycare center for 3 weeks, should we be concerned?  How should we handle this behavior?

[luckyrn]

Thanks for all the great advice.  Patient is a virtue!!!  We did hit a bump in the road, he had a bad cold/cough and missed almost the whole week of school and daycare - and I feel like we are a square one again.  Only time will tell but I feel I get  inspired watching SuperNanny - hopefully that doesn't sound too silly.

[benjimom]

I would give him more time, three weeks is not enough.  It is a BIG change to move across country. DId you leave family and friends behind?  My son had a hard time in April when we moved, it was like he got to be very unruly, but he soon got better.  Now he's having issues again.  

[aid821]

There were alot of changes happening although each child is different, some may take a short while to adjust, others (like your son) take a little bit longer. you identified that he misses his old school, so i guess you know where his anxiety lies, so i guess i'd make school as positive as possible, ask him questions "what fun things did you do at school today?" or "see how fun school can be!" just try and keep as positive with him as possible. I was quite an anxious child, couldn't adjust to school, had trouble making friends. I knew it used to worry my mother, but she was always so positive and while i didn't take notice then, i now remember the things she used to say and the encouragement she used to give me, that helped me alot!

[luckyrn]

The move was part of a relocation for my husband's job - so we discussed with him the changes.  He even joined us on several trips when we were house hunting.  He was included in making the decision on which house to buy and now he constantly says that he loves his new house, he doesn't want to go back to the old one.  He has recently started biting his nails so I assumed he was anxious with all the new changes.  His routine has changed some, mostly we have early days with earlier bedtime.  But the school and daycare situtaion are the biggest changes - he used to have a nanny at home.  When I ask him if he misses his nanny, he says no, he likes his new daycare.  However he does miss his old school, that is the one thing we have been hearing.  We are trying to keep to a very strick new routine.  I guess my question is how much time is normal for this adjustment?

[aid821]

He sounds like he is suffering anxiety due to the major changes that have happened. Have you explained to him about the move and how things will be different for a while? My sister and her family recently moved to another country and constantly explained to their children the changes that were taking place.

the death, killing, losing the family may be his insecurities coming to the surface, he may feel that something bad might happen to the family? He's out of his routine and is having difficulties getting used to it possibly.