My six year old boy

[jasmint4]

To start with my step son and step daughter were abused and neglected by thier mother and were placed with us about two years ago. My son has really bad anger issues, he has abused his step sister Kattie over and over again. At first his mother was telling him it was alright, untill during a supervised visit at CPS one of the people there heard her telling him it was ok to not like kattie and hurt her. They then told her if she wished to continue visiting her children she would talk to caden explaining that it was ok to be nice for the almost two year old. It got better for a while but on and off things have happend to kattie because of his behavior, and now due to recient problems we have seperated them for good. He is verry bright in school but his teacher expressed her conserns in his social actions, he does not play with other students she does not think he knows how. He not only has assulted kattie but he has also attacked me violently, he has strangled a child at school, and hit and kicked others. He does not show remorse for his actions, he does not listen when asked or told to do something, he talks back all the time, he curses and calls all sorts of names. He has threatend all of our lives listing the specific ways he would do it. It has gotten worse since he has gotten overnight visits with his mom, I do not know what to do. We are going to send him to play therapy withen the month, and have contacted the drake inst. I have never hit him, I try to explain things to him in a calm voice, I do not deny him hugs or love even if I am in the middle of something, we never talk badly about his mom, though she does talk badly about us to him. I love my son, I love him so very  much and I want him to have a normal childhood, but It has gotten to the point that I cannot allow him around his Three Three year old sisters at all! I have looked at syptoms like odd,cd, and sociopath, I want what is best for caden. But I cannot again put my daughters out there to get hurt, especialy kattie the one he has hurt over and over again. Please let me know what you think, any advice would mean the world.

jasmint4

[jodilenee610]

it sounds like caden has oppositional defiance disorder (o.d.d.)
i am not a dr. but my sis son now 12 has experienced this behavior.  if he did not get his way, he would hit his brother who is 2 years  younger than him..At 3 he said shut up and stupid..at 6 idiot and moron..now 12 , well I cannot repeat such language....at about 10 years old..if he didn't get his way..he started running away from home..but would usually end up at an aunts house.....these children are ok until they do not get what they want,,and in life they canot get what they wandt o.d.d. children do not know how to maintain a friendship..so they have no friends, they are always angry..for no reason, they do not respect teachers or aduls.
  He needs a behavior therapist..i don't think he has neurolgical problems..he needs to learn to play, express his feelings, learn how to react when things don't go his way and learn to respect adults...by the way, my 5 year old has this, but i am now experienced because of my nepherw, so we are fixing it..and it is fixable..just get help now!!!  my nephew used to draw a women in a coffin and write mom on it..he used to freak her out....take him for a behavior therapist..now..don't do what my sis  did..she would take him, than stop, than start again..etc....good luck

[althepal39]

Yes - you can post on "ask a doctor"  forum and they usually get back to you within 24 hours.  I wish you well - you sound like terrific parents doing all you can for the well being of all your kids.  Kids are pretty resilient as long as there are people like you and your husband in their corner.  Good luck!

[Carolina2806]

I agree with althepal39.  People underestimate divorce and his problems are compounded by the abuse he suffered.  I agree about the step-mother being loving, and I meant no disrespect about her separating the children. You both are working so hard to help him that the others can suffer from his abuse and your diverted attention.  The girls' safety needs to be attended to. Abuse is abuse--even if it comes from one of your children.  I think the girls should be protected from his abusive behavior.
Your son probably does not have the emotional or verbal development at his age to handle what has happened to him and is acting out. I think it is a little young to look into him as being a sociopath.

If you don't want lay opinions, you can always post your question to a doctor on the doctor's forum.

[jasmint4]

I appologize if it was somewhat unclear how involved my husband is. He works hard beside me to provide all the family needs, including love, support, punishment, and heartfelt comunication with not only me but the children as well. I do not believe the split up is what caused this, I lean on years of neglect and abuse from the bioligical mother. Taking kattie out of the home is an impossible suggestion, Kattie loves her daddy and her sisters and even her brother, the damage caused to her by such a move would defeat the purpose. I appriciate all suggestions, and hope to soon find out the best for not only kattie or the family but for caden too. Caden was mistreated for years, due to my husbands college and work schedual he was unable to see what had been going on at home while he was away. I love my husband my three beautiful three year olds, my ten year old son, and my six year old son caden. I want to make the best out of this family that we can, I cannot be sure what is wrong with caden, the way she was slamming our infant twin daughters around thier cribs at night, who knows what happend to caden when he was a baby, i was not there for that. All I know is Kattie loves her twin sisters, and removing her from them or her daddy is not an option, however we are for now seperating caden from the girls, not allowing any contact yet still residing in the same home. Thank you for all your thoughts, ohh yea will a doctor respond?

[althepal39]

I don't think there is anything "neurological" going on with him - I think the fact that he was abused by the mother - and the fact that he is from a broken family (although the step mother sounds wonderful - I still think that when 2 parents separate - it is devastating emotionally to a child) is what is causing his behavior.  I think he is acting out and he needs a counselor to help him with his emotions.   I think your next step should be looking into the effects of abuse on childrens behavior.  

[torquatoiv]

The father, myself, is continuously involved in the disciplinary actions involving the children. I have constantly put my full efforts into teaching all of our children right from wrong. I have even diverted myself completely from the "spare the rod spoil the chid" outlook, I was raised by, per my wife's example, to try and better their lives. This is the reason we have looked into possible nuerological  problems, and contacted the Drake institute, the local counseling program, and school counseling program. Because none of either of our discipline measures have helped, they are shruged off and ignored. Hence we are both looking into possible "next steps".

[Carolina2806]

You are in a difficult situation. Does your husband help with his child?  He needs a strong father figure to correct him.  His mother could have given him the initial ok that abusing people because of dislike was acceptable; in his eyes she is still his primary example.  

To be honest, I would take my biological children out of the situation.

You may even be able to take Katie as well considering the abuse in the home.

I think the father should be alone with his son and work things out before he is returned to a home environment with his siblings.  Their safety and development is just as important as his treatment. Neglecting (especially Katie since she has been abused by him) their needs is just as bad as the former mother's neglect--whether intended or not.

Good luck with your situation.