Child sleeping arrangements

[KIDtrouble]

I have been seeing a man with a 7 year old son.  At first (when his son was 6) he slept in his own bed while visiting his father. Then when his mother found out dad had a girlfriend, child HAD to sleep with dad. Dad let him every once in a while.
Now, a year and a half later it is to the point where the 7 year old sleeps ONLY in dads bed at EVERY visit. MOM is insisting child needs this. Tells dad he can sleep with his girlfriend when he doesnt have the son.

Is it NORMAL for a 7(will be 8 in October) boy to sleep in his dads bed?  EVERY night?  The son can NOT make any decisions for himself.  
I have 2 sons and I NEVER had this problem.

The child also has been telling LIES- STOLEN things.
WHen he is with his mom he tells the POLICE he is scared to go with his father because he is scared of his girlfriend(ME).
He (at 6 years old) stole a picture of me, hid it on his body- rode with his dad for 30 minutes to his moms house and gave it to her!

Of course he is NOT scared of me, he tells his dad he is NOT scared of me.  We have alot of fun together.
SHould the child be punished for telling the police lies, when with his mother.

Should he be punished for stealing a picture of me, for his mother?

[the_kardashians]

Have the child practice sleeping in his own bed.  Try this once a week for a month.  Then try doing it twice a week, then three times, until they are used to it.  If they are having a fear of sleeping on their own, then have them visit a specialist.  You don't want him going to college, not being able to sleep on his own.

[specialmom]

I think the issue is that the mother is demanding that her son sleep with his dad.  The dad does this to keep peace with the mother.  While not an ideal situation, maybe he is picking his battles.  I feel sorry for this child as he is really caught in the middle of adult  drama.  I think involving young children in dating relationsips is inappropriate----  just my opinion.  And I think I'd be furious with a new girlfriend that is trying to tell my ex what is best for my son or telling him that he needs more discipline (which you should never be involved in administering).  Your problem is with your boyfriend.  Maybe this isn't the ideal time in his life to be with you.  Maybe it would work better and relax the mother if you backed off a little and kept your dating relationship completely seperate from your boyfriends relationship with his son.  I'm not trying to be harsh and you sound like a caring individual caught in a tough place.  But this is a little boy caught between two parents with issues.  He doesn't really need an outside source of stress making things even more difficult.  His dad deserves a social life, yes.  But getting things settled with his son should take prescedence.  And you might find greater happiness with someone who is in a better place for relationship.  Good luck and again, I wasn't meaning to sound harsh.  It is a tough position for you to be in.

[megochick101]

This poor boys mother is obviously telling him to do these things because she obviously still has feeling for your boyfriend and doesn't want another woman in her ex's life. I do agree with what you said about your bf's son not sleeping with him. I do not believe it is healthy for an 7 year old to be3 sleeping with his parent every night. he needs to have his own room and sleep in his own bed. Just out of curiosity, how long was your boyfriend and his ex separated before you came into the picture?

I agree with Rockrose, he is definitely being manipulated into doing this by his mother. Yes it is wrong for him to lie and to steal, but you have to think of it from his perspective. It is most likely his mother telling him to do these things and he's a kid so he probably believes that these things are ok just because his mom is having him do them.

I would have a talk with your boyfriend about talking to his son. I would have your boyfriend explain to him that lying and stealing are not ok, no matter who tells him to do it. If he continues to lie and steal while with your boyfriend and you then I would punish him(timeouts, taking toys away, whatever works) BUT you can't punish him for something he did while at his mothers house. It is his mothers responsibility while there to discipline him, even if she is the one who is to blame, there is nothing you can do about it. Punishing him now would only make the situation worse.

Your boyfriend needs to set up ground rules while his son is with him. I would definitely recommend that his son sleep in his own bed, just have you bf explain to him that sleeping in his own room has nothing to do with how much your bf loves him.

Also one of the main responsibilities of parents is teaching their kids how to make it in the world on their own, and to be independent. I'm sure your bf doesn't want his child to be completely defendant on him when he is an adult, does he?

[KIDtrouble]

I dont think dad is helping the situation- by sleeping with the son.  I think it is promoting dependency of someone. Which is what mom wants.

My kids have slept with me, over the years, from time to time. NOT on a nitely basis.  I just think this is messing with the child.

[RockRose]

It's not hard to understand at all.  This boy is being forced by his mother to "spy" on you,  to prevent you from sleeping with his dad,  and to steal pics of you for her,  and to tell the police he's scared of you.  

This is SO  clear - why can't you see that he's being manipulated by his mother,  and helpless because he's a little kid just trying to survive?  

He doesn't need to be punished.  Perhaps your boyfriend and she need to go back to court to re-set boundaries.  

He's a little kid.  He's caught.  

[KIDtrouble]

I dont sleep there-
He has never been punished for any of the things he has done.

I think he need discipline.

I never had problems with my x- over parenting. EVER-
HELP this is all weird and VERY hard for me to understand.

[RockRose]

This child is NOT the problem,  KIDtrouble,  and since you have sons of your own I can't believe you are missing this.

This little boy is stuck.  His mother is demanding he do these things,  and he's stuck because he has no intact home - just trying to please two sets of parents who hate each other.

Since you aren't married you shouldn't be sleeping there while the son is there.

And meanwhile,  don't attempt to punish this child further for the pressure that is being put on him.