My 12 year old wont lie in her bed until she falls asleep unless i am there

[noah139]

Hello
A few months ago i posted a question in relation to my daughter not wanting to go to sleep by herself in her room unless i stayed with her. This problem has sort of been cleared. Since August she will sleep in her own bed by herself but she still wont let me go into my room unless she has fallen asleep and i can then tip toe back to my room. I have tried talking to her, leaving the light on etc , but nothing works. Each time I go to my room she follows me!!!!  and  i end up sitting in her room until she falls asleep. We are always arguing over it and its horrible to have an un easy atmosphere in the house every day. Please can anyone help. I dont get to sleep my self until after 1 am usually!

[allmymarbles]

She is TWELVE YEARS OLD. Given that she has no developmental problems she has to be treated as a 12-year-old. And rituals have a way of taking over your life. When it was time for my four children to go to bed, they went to bed. If I had established "rituals" bedtime would have been a long, drawn out affair. And heaven help me if I were not in the mood to read to them.

[skepticalpeach]

Be consistent and firm, but also let her know that you are listening to her. Let her know that you take what she has to say seriously. Can you play soft music at night for her? Give her stuffed animals to sleep with and maybe watch a soothing video. Do you have any pets? Maybe the cat or dog would be willing to snuggle down next to her in bed.

Do you just stick her in her bed and tell her to go to sleep? Maybe she needs a bedtime ritual again. Try reading to her or just sitting and talking. People of any age like to be taken care of and like rituals. Maybe you can have a bed time snack. When you stop freaking out over bed time she will too.

[margypops]

I agree that it sounds as if a lot of talking has gone on to no avail , action is needed .Say No more and be consistent or she will get mixed messages, you need your own space .

[allmymarbles]

Sometimes enough is enough. She may have developed this unpleasant habit and doesn't know how to get rid of it. In any case, it is grow up time. As for talking it over with her, don't you think she has already gotten this type of attention in abundance?

[dalgaiw]

Talk to her - why is she feeling so insecure?  Remember that you are the parent and she needs to realise that she is growing up and should be able to fall asleep on her own.  Does she have nightmares?  Maybe she needs something to comfort her like a teddy or night light.  Is she watching scary movies or programmes on TV?  Talk to her and try and be positive and help her get over her insecurities.  You have progressed somewhat, so hopefully she will get better and be more confident with sleeping on her own.  Sitting with her until she falls asleep is not the answer but maybe you can cut it down by timing it and reducing it each time (like "OK I will sit with you for 15 minutes but no more") then reduce by 5 minutes every day or something like that so you eventually don't need to do it.

Good luck.

[allmymarbles]

Oh, and if she tries to follow you to your room, lock your door.

[allmymarbles]

If she has a brother or sister have them share the same bedroom. I always doubled my chlldren up. It was more comforting for them. Of course, by the age of 12 it didn't matter much anymore and they wanted their privacy. In any case don't sit by her side until she sleeps.

[margypops]

yup there's a new years resolution tell her you need your own space at night, and that's what you are doing now in the New Year..if you are firm she will accept it ...good luck

[OceanCrazy]

1st off does she realize that she's too old for that? Has she ever said what she's afraid of? Does she have night terrors/nightmares? Does she have a tv in her room? watching extra kiddy movies might help her fall asleep faster, maybe reading, or do a work/puzzle book & listening to instrumental/nature music. do something together before he goes to her room. maybe start at an earlier time to do something together? Have you thought about doing a project together to decorate her room. If none of this works, then it just might be the time for tough love. Boundaries (another's personal time & space) she needs to respect your need for sleep. she isn't a baby anymore. she's a big girl. I hope these ideas help you. Happy New Year!!!

[margypops]

I have to tell you this , you are the adult and the mom I know its hard but you just dont do it,once you give way she has won.Its actually become a battle of who wins and she is ...if she follows you to the room , let her sit/sleep on the floor or outside the door if you choose to close it.she will soon be uncomfortable and cold ,There is no other way that I know of you have enabled the behavior so now time to say NO .