Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Normal 4 Year Old Behavior?

We have a 4 almost 4 1/2 year old boy who has been experiencing some behavior problems as of late. He is a very intelligent, sensitive, normally sweet, and funny little boy. His 3's were a little trying at times, but he still never threw any real tantrums, possibly 3 or 4 four at most. But recently (the past 2 months) he has been acting out in ways that he never has (i.e. spitting, pushing, hitting and yelling). The teachers at school have told me that they have been having to correct him and put him in time-outs which apparently was abnormal. When he does act our he gets so angry and yells which always seems to be followed up with tears. We do have a 7 month old baby that he adores and is VERY protective of. I do not see any obvious jealously since both my husband and I do spend a lot of time with him and involve him in everything we do with her as well. But I cannot help but wonder if this is some kind of reaction to her arrival. When he does act out we try time-outs but it does not seem to help much in the long run. Yes, we have spanked as well, but it has only been in extreme cases when I feel he has been screaming, hitting and talking back at the same time (after many warnings). Both my husband and I can count the amount of times one hand that this tactic has been used. As previously mentioned he is very sensitive and cries even when you raise your voice at times which makes it difficult to even speak with him.
We have also signed him up for some organized sports and he seems to not pay much attention at all, but will cry and throw a fit if we tell him that we won't have him play if he is not going to pay attention. Other children his age seem to have a bit more attention during the games (some may be 5 years of age) but I don't know if that is normal. My husband become frustrated thinking that he is not spending enough time with him playing.
Are these normal behaviors given our situation and how should we deal with a sensitive, temper tantrum throwing child?
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Thanks so much for your advice, it is very insightful and I cannot wait to put these suggestions into practice, I really think they will work. Wish me luck!
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi.  Well, first let me two you that I have two boys---------  my oldest has sensory integration disorder which is a nervous system issue that can look like adhd and my younger son does not have any of this and is "normal".  Both threw tantrums at 4.  To be honest, 4 was my worst age for my "normal" child (3.5 to 4.5).  He turned 5 a couple of weeks ago and all seems so much better.  You've had a new baby and do you know that this is one of the top things that change a child's life?  It is right up there with a divorce.  It is not a bad change and he is lucky to have a sibling------------  but his world was rocked a bit.  He shares you now when he hadn't before.  AND, baby gets to be with you and he has to go to school.  Ouch.  That hurts when you are 4.  

My child with sensory issues has always had them.  They didn't just appear in the last two months of school when he was 4.  I'm saying this to you because it is a good sign that your son did fine up until then.  They would have noticed lots of impulse control things earlier and inability to focus.  

Sports for 4 year olds are tricky.  Usually it is a 4 and 5 year old team and the one year age difference is HUGE.   My son was 4.5 and played basketball with mostly 5 year olds.  Oh, he was a wacko!  He could care less.  Same with soccer--------  he'd rather pick the dandelions and chase the girls around.  My older son with the delay will drift off occasionally but LOVES sports so he tries really hard!!  So I would not push at all----------  this is his first entry into sports.  If you push now when he is 4, he could decide that he doesn't like it and not want to try when he is older and better ready to handle it.  Let him be spacey and just look for it to be a good positive social experience for him.  No other expectations at this point.  

As far as tantrums and angry outbursts, I'd work on this at home with him.  Give him alternatives he can do that are appropriate.  Act something out like you can't find your car keys and do it really in an exaggerated fashion.  Get kind of mad, but talk yourself through it and resolve it in a calm fashion.  Make it funny, your son will love it and see a better way to handle frustration.  There is a book called "hands are not for hitting".  It is excellent for driving home a message.  Easy and simple.  I'd also check out books from the library on emotions to give him some words to use.  My sons described the feeling of starting to get angry as a "storm cloud coming in" and being angry as a "tornado" for a long time.  They became aware of the feelings inside of themselves and then had more control over them. I gave my kids a list of what they can do---------  tell a grown up with their words, count to 10, take deep breaths, the best one . . . go to a calm down spot and then tell me what is wrong.
I also do natural consequences. Throw a toy, toy is gone.  Push someone on the playground, we immediately would leave.  That type of follow through really worked for us.  
Lastly, make your boy feel really special at home (I'm sure you do)--------  give him some special jobs and praise him like crazy.  Kids love that positive attention.  And try to do some special things just with him.  
Good luck and enjoy your little ones!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have a 5 year old that is almost 6 her played soccer for a few years but never seemed interested in the game wanted to acted like a ninja so we decide to find him something he was interested, if they want to do it as their choice then they are more likely to try to do it right.

the tantrum thing is hard I have been there also, we have a 3, 4, and 5 year old. I use this saying with the oldest a lot, you have to show your younger siblings how to behave because you are the big brother, if you can use that. Another time I got down on the ground with him and throw a fit he stopped and looked at me like I was crazy. I have 3 totally different temperaments of children, my super sensitive child I find talking to more like a grown up works better then just telling them what to do, respecting them and their feelings is big, tell him that it is okay to be mad or hurt about something but to use his words screaming is not the way to handle it. Also take note to if he is tried or hungry around the time of behavior he might need at sleep or eat after become more level headed. Just like us we get more grumpy with lack of sleep or food. I hope this helps some
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community

Top Children's Health Answerers
189897 tn?1441126518
San Pedro, CA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments