He may like the attention he gets when he is not eating well. Don't give him that attention. Place his food before him and don't encourage him to eat. And don't feed him.
I agree, he wants to do this himself, and should be.
Let him feed himself, put his food infront of him let him do it himself at this age they like to be a bit independant, put out finger foods, little veg and fruits , pieces of chicken ,fish, crackers and cheese .,beans . pasta . .lovely shapes kids love ...dont worry about any mess , it cleans up easily ... good luck