Out of control 5 yr old son only at daycare

Help!!! My son is 5 years old and I am trying really hard to figure out the change in attitude and behavior he's had over the past year. He is now in his 6th daycare in one year time, 4 home daycare providers and in his 2nd center. What I don't understand is he is fine in school (his teacher does say that he is or can be a handful) but he's not sent to the principal's office or anything like that and he is fine at home and displays what I would say is "normal" behavior for his age. Daycare is a whole different story, to put it bluntly he is out of control and just mean. He hits/kicks/bites and spits at his teachers, he's extremly mouthy, and simply doesn't listen to a word anyone says to him. When they describe his behavior to me they say it's like he "snaps" he will be fine one minute and something will set him off and there is no redirecting him, no reasoning with him, he's just out of control. I am having to leave work at least once a week to go pick him up from daycare because he is being unsafe and they can't have him at the center. When I ask him why and the reason for his behavior he says "because I want to". I have taken him to two different pediatricians to which both have said he doesn't have anything other than "bad habits" or behavior issues that need to be worked out. I have had him tested for diebetes (diabetes), allergies, his thyroid tested and all tests come back that there is nothing medically wrong with him. The doctors say it's not Bi-Polar, ADHD, or anything like that. He has a twin sister that doesn't display anything close to the behavior he does. I don't know what to think. How do I handle this behavior? What do I do about it? Time outs haven't worked. Taking privleges away hasn't worked. Talking to him goes no where. As a last resort he's even been spanked a few times. Nothing works. The most frustrating thing is when you talk to him he often laughs like it's funny.

[nalgona1975]

OMG, I am going through the same thing with my 4 year old son right now. Tested for everything and he is fine. Behavioral problems they say. The difference I have is that my son is in day care all day right now, no school. He is fine at home, we have no real issues, but once he is in daycare, he fights a lot. I am so frustrated myself because I am at a loss on what to do. Nothing works for us either. This is his 3rd preschool, got kicked out of 2 schools prior due to his behavior at 3 years old, then brought in a nanny and that did't work either. I wish I had some advise for you, but I don't. I am curious to hear the responses to your message. Good luck, and I hope we can figure this out.

[frustrated89]

This is similar to my situation.  My five year old is terrible when he's with other kids.  Our second sitter doesn't want him around after 3 p.m. when the younger ones get up from naps, the older ones get off the bus.  He hits, says mean things, punches them, kicks them, just does anything mean and no explanation why.  The pediatrician recommended a therapist, no help.  We are on our second therapist.  I can't take him anywhere because he causes so much trouble.  No one will take him if we need to get away because he is so bad.  He almost got kicked out of the 3 yr. old preschool, the principle has talked to him twice in K.  If you have any questions for me, I'd love to help, if not and I find out some good information, I will pass it on.  good luck.

[LRM1021]

If the medical evaluation for the child is that there is nothing wrong, then behavior modification is the only thing to do.

The most effective behavior modification I have seen is to praise praise praise and reward reward reward when things go well. There are two books that talk about systematic behavior modification programs to be used -- one is How to Behave So Your Children Will Too and another is SOS Help for Parents.

One thing--- all of you mention children that sort of fall apart in groups. In other situations they are ok. It is possible that these groups cause a child a high level of anxiety and this can make them act out. Has anyone evaluated any of these children for anxiety?