tantrums

[rosiemug]

swears, backchats, refuses to do her time out when asked and runs out of her room, she lashes out on occastions. We have tried reward charts that turns into tantrums when she doesn't get stars for her bad behaviour, we have tried taking things of her and she screams the place down. We have tried ignoring her that doesn't work we are at our wits end have no more solutions to resolve her behaviour, would be greatful for any other solutions  

[rosiemug]

No she doesn't do this anywhere apart from home, i'm hoping it is her age as she never reacted like this with the other pregnancy's, even the baby's i lost. I think this is only when she can't get her own way, my partner does the time out with her pick's her up and puts her back to time out. Everytime he puts her back she kicks punches and calls names, he sits outside her room so that she doesn't come out of it till her time is up. She is a star pupil at school she is very very clever for her age she is in yr1 and she's reading yr3 books so i know there no problem there, i know she doesn't have a medical problem as we had a very good social worker helping us but even she said theres nothing she can show us or help with that we don't already know or do.

[Sandman2]

   Hi rosie, I can understand your concern and your sense of time running out.  In many ways time is the problem.  Experts state that it takes about 3 weeks to get a change in a childs behavior.  If you think about it - it makes sense.  You are trying to break a learned behavior that has been going on for some time.  Can you break a habit in a day?  She is used to a certain life style and it won't change overnight.
    While charts are a cute idea, they really don't work that well for kids of this age.  Their focus is very immediate.  Any punishment must be immediate and consistent.  It after trying a punishment once, twice or three times,  you move on to something else - it doesn't make a real connection with them.  Taking things away doesn't tend to work for the same reason - its just not immediate enough.  Normally, the standard is if she runs away from a timeout, you pick her up and put her into the timeout.  I don't know if you can do that in your condition.  So I think she runs away, you wait till she comes back and direct her to go to the timeout.  And you repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat - until she realizes you are not going to give up.  Ignoring certain behavior getting actions is good.  If she is screaming, shut the windows and turn up the telly, let her scream till she is blue in the face.
   The standard is to use timeouts.  Be immediate, be consistent.  Pick just one thing at a time to work on.  Getting a book like "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark  will give you more detailed instructions.
   My last thought is - has she always been like this?  If she is 6, I would guess she is in school. What is she like there?  If this is a problem only at home, it really is easier to solve.  If it is a problem also at school - then professional help might be called for.  If it has recently started to happen and doesn't happen at school, then the arrival of a new brother or sister could also be the trigger.  In which case, the consequences still have to happen, but you also need to make more time for her so she doesn't feel left out.

[rosiemug]

she's 6 and nobody else swears in the house, we are in the prosess of trying another chart as i feel giving up is not and opp. I can't have stress as i'm 19 wks preg and i do have history of losing baby's and at the moment her behaviour is not helping.

[benjimom]

Yes, how old is the child???

[Sandman2]

  the age of the child does make a difference as to how one changes their behavior.  How old is she?

[margypops]

Does anyone else in the family swea/yell  could she have learned some of this behavior , I like the post above I think that time out is the best way..you remain calm and quiet do not get into a battle of wills. Has she any younger siblings she could be jealous about..focus on her positive side and praise her when you see her doing something right ...Good Luck

[meniere135]

Did you ever watch "Supernanny"?  It's a show that's on here in the U.S., but the Nanny herself I believe is from England.   She had a family that had a girl child that sounds exactly as you describe your daughter.  It was one of the Nanny's more challenging children.  On the show, the child was taken to a room (I believe it was the family's dining room).  They left her in the room by herself.  She would continue to act up and curse and physically act out.  The parents were told to stay calm (not easy) and place the child in the room and not interact with her.  It took more patience than most people could possibly have.  But they stuck with the program.  I don't remember all the details unfortunately.  The Nanny gave her a special box where she would place slips of paper that told her parents what she would like to do.  One of the papers said she wanted to go ice skating.  So her mom took her ice skating and it was the best day of her life.  It seemed that the child mostly needed special attention and limits put on her behavior.  There's no easy way around children that behave this way.  It's a painful process, but the reward in the end is sooooo worth it.  Good luck!  It takes a while.....it won't happen overnight.