Aa
PLEASE HELP
I have had no luck...everyone else's questions are getting replies...not mine though. Someone has to be able to suggest something!!!!!!!!!! Desperate here!!
My daughter, age 7, has never had any kind of relationship with her father until last year around September. Every since then she has become such a different child. I don't even know her anymore. She has mad fits and continues to yell at me, get in my face, has acted as though she was going to hit me, and just doesn't care about anything anymore. Her grades have slowly been dropping and over the last month...failing. She used to be the sweetest little thing. I have done my best as a single mother to give her a warm, loving, and caring environment. She has always been the yes and no ma'am/sir, please, and thank you type individual because I taught her that early on. None of that anymore. She is very rude and looks at you now like she is going to seriously hurt you. It's mostly with just me though. Over the past month Child Protective Services (CPS) have intervined 3 times. The very first time, she had went to her dad's and told them that I had been abusing her for years and that all afternoon I had been "jack slapping" her around. Well, her stepmother took it upon herself to take her to the local police station and of course CPS was notified. Of course, all charges were dropped because I have NEVER nor will I ever abuse my child. She is my life...she and my 2 year old. Well, we discussed the situation, her father/stepmother and I, and found out that she had been playing us against each other all along. Telling me things that weren't true and at the same time telling them the same aweful things. The very next week, she told her teacher that her brother, living at her father's home, had been touching her in inappropriate areas. Of course, we found out that both of them had done things...touching. Then, today, she told the counselor at school, which I have arranged to speak with her as often as she can, that her father did "pot" in front of her and drank all of the time. No surprise to me...he used to do it all the time and was also abusive to me. What did surprise me is that she even knew what "pot" was. WOW. Well, needless to say her stepmother called me very upset because CPS had been to her home. She has decided that she no longer wants my daughter there. Well, you know what...that is quite the insult to me being as though I've done everything alone for 7 years and all of a sudden they have some kind of right to diss my child because of an aweful situation that they caused. I can't give up on her, that is my baby!!! I would never dream of it. CPS was suppose to refer her to a counselor that would be calling to set up an appointment with me to meet at my home weekly. I still haven't heard anything from anyone on that, and that happened the very first case that was open and closed. What do I do? Should I seek some type of outside the home counseling...like a boot camp type thing or what? I'm not giving up on my child....but I just don't know what to do anymore. I know where the problem is coming from but I can't do anything because the court says I have to let her go. She has never been this type of child before now... PLEASE HELP!!!! It's breaking my heart!!!!
My daughter, age 7, has never had any kind of relationship with her father until last year around September. Every since then she has become such a different child. I don't even know her anymore. She has mad fits and continues to yell at me, get in my face, has acted as though she was going to hit me, and just doesn't care about anything anymore. Her grades have slowly been dropping and over the last month...failing. She used to be the sweetest little thing. I have done my best as a single mother to give her a warm, loving, and caring environment. She has always been the yes and no ma'am/sir, please, and thank you type individual because I taught her that early on. None of that anymore. She is very rude and looks at you now like she is going to seriously hurt you. It's mostly with just me though. Over the past month Child Protective Services (CPS) have intervined 3 times. The very first time, she had went to her dad's and told them that I had been abusing her for years and that all afternoon I had been "jack slapping" her around. Well, her stepmother took it upon herself to take her to the local police station and of course CPS was notified. Of course, all charges were dropped because I have NEVER nor will I ever abuse my child. She is my life...she and my 2 year old. Well, we discussed the situation, her father/stepmother and I, and found out that she had been playing us against each other all along. Telling me things that weren't true and at the same time telling them the same aweful things. The very next week, she told her teacher that her brother, living at her father's home, had been touching her in inappropriate areas. Of course, we found out that both of them had done things...touching. Then, today, she told the counselor at school, which I have arranged to speak with her as often as she can, that her father did "pot" in front of her and drank all of the time. No surprise to me...he used to do it all the time and was also abusive to me. What did surprise me is that she even knew what "pot" was. WOW. Well, needless to say her stepmother called me very upset because CPS had been to her home. She has decided that she no longer wants my daughter there. Well, you know what...that is quite the insult to me being as though I've done everything alone for 7 years and all of a sudden they have some kind of right to diss my child because of an aweful situation that they caused. I can't give up on her, that is my baby!!! I would never dream of it. CPS was suppose to refer her to a counselor that would be calling to set up an appointment with me to meet at my home weekly. I still haven't heard anything from anyone on that, and that happened the very first case that was open and closed. What do I do? Should I seek some type of outside the home counseling...like a boot camp type thing or what? I'm not giving up on my child....but I just don't know what to do anymore. I know where the problem is coming from but I can't do anything because the court says I have to let her go. She has never been this type of child before now... PLEASE HELP!!!! It's breaking my heart!!!!
Kids at that age like consistancy. When her father came back into her life that consistancy changed. This is what may have brought on her episodes, or maybe she was telling you the truth when she said she was being touched. I would go and have her talk to a proffessonial.to see what could be going on and determine whether or not she has been abused. Good luck with everything.
What is your daughter lying about that you know of? She said her Dad was smoking pot, well he probaly was, right? If your X was abusive to you, what would stop him from being abusive to your daughter? Is he being abusive to his current wife in the presence of your daughter? Is her brother being abusive to her? Maybe she was touching this boy but why was she touching him? Did he make her or ask her? Did she tell this woman that you were abusing her or did this woman make it up? If the stepmother doesn't want your daughter to come over, that may fix your problem. I wouldn't wait on CPS to set up counseling. You can do that yourself and it sounds like it would be very helpful for your daughter. She sounds like a very angry little girl and I would bet that she has reasons to be angry if all was known. I would not take for granted that her Dad or stepmom are being truthful 100% of the time. Make sure that your daughter knows that you are in her corner and always will be.
Thank you both so much for your response. I really have been thinking about the situation more and more. Upon the first incident, I had spanked my child before she went to her father's home...but, this was around 2:00 in the afternoon. Her stepmother had called to come by and get her early around 4:15 and it was fine with me because she had to be somewhere at a certain time. She explained to me that she originally saw the "red" mark around 8 that night when she had bent her over the bed for a spanking. Then immidiatly took her to the police station. It was a "red" mark...keep in mind. No bruise...which I did not spank my child that hard anyway. The police took a picture of the "red" mark...and never even investigated themselves...only notified CPS because they had to. This was all on a Friday...Monday, Cps showed up at her school and had the school nurse to also take a picture of the area...nothing there of course. Well...my thinking is...how would a red mark have been there at 8 that night? I'm wondering if they spanked her and got scared and did what they did. Worried there may be a mark left...and another weird thing is that it was not just me investigated...it was them also. By now, I have enough experience...just over the last month and a half, to know that they must have suspected them also after everything was all out in the open. My daughter just will not open up to me anymore...so i don't know what really happened that night. However, this past case that has been opened with the drug and alcohol abuse against her father has lead to a hard core investigation...almost an interigation. They are interviewing each in seperate rooms and such. She told me that it was an interigation... the case is still not closed. My heart tells me that there are definatly p;roblems over there. Like you said...he is who he is...and his wife covers for him. My child has told me numerous times ... before all of this started happening... that she heard her father and stepmother shouting at the top of their lungs and her stepmother cries "owe" and "stop" alot. They either send them outside when this takes place or to their rooms. Keep in mind...their room is right next door to theirs when this takes place in their bedroom and it is a trailor home...not exactly sound proof walls. I have definatly taken it upon myself to seek counseling for her. I called her Dr. and explained everything this week and i have already been contacted by the counseler/psychiatrist. I spoke with her breifly and explained to her that they had banned her from their home and she felt this was very suspicious. She told me to let her speak with us both, my child and I, before I jumped to the conclusion that it wasn't good they had decided that. She seems to think just with our brief discussion, that she may not to go there at all. I meet with her tomorrow morning without my daughter to discuss all of the detail and we are going from there. What do you all think? Thanks again! I have some ray of hope now and you that replied really put a smile on my heart! God bless you for taking time out for someone in need!
Yes, as I said...I have sought counseling myself...i go tomorrow morning by myself to discuss everything with her first. She says that she doesn't want my little one to hear all of the rigimerough... I have taken that step...as I said I love my daughter and am doing everything that I possibly know to do. I am the one who called the school and asked the counselor there to begin speaking with her...about a month and a half ago...upon the first incident. CPS is not investigating me or my home this time...only them and their activities. Why would I lose both my children when I have provided a good home since day one and it is clear that I am going to whatever extreme to get to the bottom of all of it? That is terrifying...
I'm curious as to why this child is being spanked all the time.
Twice in one day? At the very least, both sets of parents need parenting classes to learn other methods of discipline besides both sets hitting this one child in one day.
Twice in one day? At the very least, both sets of parents need parenting classes to learn other methods of discipline besides both sets hitting this one child in one day.
Ever heard of spare the rod spoil the child??? How dare you say that. That was very uncalled for. I can assure you that I do use other tecniques with my child!!!! The reason I had spanked her was because she had an episode and got in my face...standing toe to toe with me and hit me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you suggest???? None of this happened until she started going there! I HAD no other option that day and I don't believe that a SIMPLE reminder of how to act SPANKING is a crime!!!!!!! The CPS worker didn't either!!!! So please.....................if you don't want to help that is FINE but save your RUDE comments for someone else. It is people like you who make GOOD parents look bad!!!!! I am simply amazed at some people's ignorance!!!!! And sweetheart, I've done a mighty fine job by MYSELF for 7 1/2 years raising her and she has been a wonderful, loving, caring, smart, funny, etc, little child until now. EVEN with occassional SPANKINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you aware that "spare the rod, spoil the child" is a biblical misunderstanding?
This lesson was told to shepherds, and the "rod" was their guiding shepherd hook. Shepherds KNOW you don't beat sheep with the hook, you guide them.
Literally, the translation is, spare the hook, lose the lamb. If you aren't there, and prodding and guiding, you will lose the lamb. It has NOTHING whatsoever to do with beating a lamb with the hook.
Jesus never intended anyone to beat their children, rather, to stay with them and guide them. How much suffering has been caused by that one silly mistranslation.
Two spankings, at least one bare and bent over a bed, is WAY too much for one little child shuffled between two homes. I wouldn't call that "occasional" - would you? Twice in one day -
This lesson was told to shepherds, and the "rod" was their guiding shepherd hook. Shepherds KNOW you don't beat sheep with the hook, you guide them.
Literally, the translation is, spare the hook, lose the lamb. If you aren't there, and prodding and guiding, you will lose the lamb. It has NOTHING whatsoever to do with beating a lamb with the hook.
Jesus never intended anyone to beat their children, rather, to stay with them and guide them. How much suffering has been caused by that one silly mistranslation.
Two spankings, at least one bare and bent over a bed, is WAY too much for one little child shuffled between two homes. I wouldn't call that "occasional" - would you? Twice in one day -
You mean to tell me that you NEVER spanked YOUR child???????????????? Don't even go there with me. I NEVER BEAT MY CHILD............it was a SPANKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shows your ignorance...........when I spanked my child she was not BARE..........where you got that from is BEYOND me!!!!!!!!!!!! I wasn't there at THEIR home!!!!!!!! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII didn't SPANK my child twice in ONE day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU know what LADY, I am right with GOD and he knows all of my vulnerabilities..........HE knows ME and the problems that I am having with my child and HE will work it all out! I come here for some type of comfort and help.......and your IGNORANCE isn't helping. I am allowed to spank my child if it needs be.....................I CERTAINLY don't resort to it first and foremost! I HATE SPANKING HER!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!! But, you know what sometimes you have to do what you have to do as a parent. I DON"T control what happens there like I SAID!!!!!!!!!! So speak what you know LADY!
All of this coming from someone who gives a Grandmother advise to just give the other two all the attention.......;in other words ignore the child acting out.........sure there isn't something wrong with YOU!
If you say you never have spanked your children..........you are a bold faced LIAR! That's all I have to say. You are really a rude person without a heart obviously! I feel sorry for you! You speak like you are so religiously oriented...........here's a thought......learn something about how God like's you to treat others! AND NOT TO JUDGE. THAT ISN"T YOUR JOB. God knows i don't beat my children and he knows how i love them so.........nothing to prove to you sweetie. Please just don't respond back because you are the last type of person I would ever look to for any kind of advice! May God have mercy on you and the way you act to innocent and hurting human beings!
All of this coming from someone who gives a Grandmother advise to just give the other two all the attention.......;in other words ignore the child acting out.........sure there isn't something wrong with YOU!
If you say you never have spanked your children..........you are a bold faced LIAR! That's all I have to say. You are really a rude person without a heart obviously! I feel sorry for you! You speak like you are so religiously oriented...........here's a thought......learn something about how God like's you to treat others! AND NOT TO JUDGE. THAT ISN"T YOUR JOB. God knows i don't beat my children and he knows how i love them so.........nothing to prove to you sweetie. Please just don't respond back because you are the last type of person I would ever look to for any kind of advice! May God have mercy on you and the way you act to innocent and hurting human beings!
Obviously, I've struck a raw nerve. I still stand by what I'm saying. Two spankings, one that left a red mark and one nude bent over a bed is WAY too much for a child who doesn't have a stable home life. Yes, I said that. She is passed back and forth between you and her dad's house, and it's chaos.
So. She hit you, and to show her not to hit, you hit her harder. Does that even make sense to you?
I have raised three boys, and have popped two of them on a diapered bum with an open hand. It was for shock value. Never, ever was there a pink mark.
I stand by what I say. Maybe you need to sleep on this, and stop getting yourself all worked up. Your daughter is HURTING, (not necesssily physically) from all this chaos, and she's lying, and she's acting out and she's hitting you.
My children have never hit me, not one single time, ever.
Calm down, stop being so defensive, and listen. You might learn something.
So. She hit you, and to show her not to hit, you hit her harder. Does that even make sense to you?
I have raised three boys, and have popped two of them on a diapered bum with an open hand. It was for shock value. Never, ever was there a pink mark.
I stand by what I say. Maybe you need to sleep on this, and stop getting yourself all worked up. Your daughter is HURTING, (not necesssily physically) from all this chaos, and she's lying, and she's acting out and she's hitting you.
My children have never hit me, not one single time, ever.
Calm down, stop being so defensive, and listen. You might learn something.
You never even read the post appropriately...........so you don't even know what you are talking about.........YOUR CHILDREN ARE PERFECT..............AND YOU ARE THE PERFECT PARENT....OF COURSE. Go back and read the POST.............half of what you are saying...........is MADE up in YOUR head. I NEVER said I left a read mark!!!!!!! YOU don't know how HARD I spanked her............NO I don't need to listen to ignorance! ALSO, I never MADE him not give a RATS behing about his daughter and I CERTAINLY never asked for him to COME in and cause all of the "CHAOS" as you call it. Also.........what in the world................a stable home life????????? I SUPPOSE THAT IS MY FAULT also. Like I said.......i really don't care what some someone has to say who is making up in their own mind what happened......and not reading everything word for word....YOU DON'T LISTEN...wow I bet your kids loved that about YOU. Stand by whatever you think.............it's your own opinion! But, anyone who knows me....knows differently...and they listen. They know that I don't "BEAT" my child!!!!!!! JUST AND FYI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SPANKED HER ONCE ON HER BEHIND!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS ABUSE?????? WOW!!!!!!!!! You aren't exactly giving anything to learn from!!!!!!!! So don't tell me to listen and i may learn something from ignorance such as you!
Thank you very much for your input. I am definatly doing counseling with her. The thought of it only being her never crossed my mind. You are right about spanking. There is a line that you do not cross...and I have NEVER crossed that line. Nor would I ever. The bottom line is...my child did a complete turn around when he entered her life. She is a completely different child. This is my whole point. I'm not perfect by any means nor did I ever claim to be. However, I have done my very best to show that little girl how very special she is to me and how special she is to this world. She will do great things in her life...she is special...she has a gift to just light up any room or anyone that is sad, she is talented, smart, affectionate...but she is lost all of a sudden. She is still that little girl...but it is masked by something really bothering her. I have always been consistent...nothing has changed. So what did change??? Well...that's the problem it seems. It has progressed also...gotten worse over the short course of time that she has been going there. I would never hurt a hair on that child's head.
I am all about the joint counseling...but why does everyone immediatly, on this site anyway, automatically look at the one stable person she has always had in her life as needing the help? What did I do wrong...I'm the same as I have always been. Of course, it has been tough on me...i'm not going to lie. Having my baby ripped from me after 7 years to go see someone who has treated her as though she doesn't exist until now. It's been tough!! I'm adjusting...but come on... 7 years. WHY NOW? YOu know? He should be ashamed. I did have to seak help for myself when all of the court things started evolving...I'm on a med that helps with my anxiousness and my depression. It was hard though...so I needed the help. My world was turned upside down by this man once again. When I was with him...he beat me, talked me down every change he got, and never gave me any respect whatsoever. He was a heavy drinker along with drug abuser. You know what though...when she came...no more. I cared more about her to let him hurt me anymore and especially HER. I never turned back. Then this...all over again. I just don't understand it. I do everything I am supposed to do for her...love her unconditionally...and I'm the one she takes everything out on me. I took up his slack all that time...and I'm still having to do it when he is present finally. I am working on letting it all go...then all of this happens. It is hard to forgive and forget when your child is involved and is acting as she is...puts doubts in my mind...obviously something isn't right over there. I know my child...and right now...she isn't herself. Something is wrong and I can't fix it. PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE. She used to be so open with me...we would talk about everything...never would lie to me...or if she did try ... she would allllllways tell me right then...ok mommy...i lied...i'm sorry. Now, she is closed off from me. IT'S HARD!!
Thank you so much for your wonderful reply teko! That is the kind of response we are all here looking for! Not someone to belittle us and make us feel as though we are MONSTERS! <3
I am all about the joint counseling...but why does everyone immediatly, on this site anyway, automatically look at the one stable person she has always had in her life as needing the help? What did I do wrong...I'm the same as I have always been. Of course, it has been tough on me...i'm not going to lie. Having my baby ripped from me after 7 years to go see someone who has treated her as though she doesn't exist until now. It's been tough!! I'm adjusting...but come on... 7 years. WHY NOW? YOu know? He should be ashamed. I did have to seak help for myself when all of the court things started evolving...I'm on a med that helps with my anxiousness and my depression. It was hard though...so I needed the help. My world was turned upside down by this man once again. When I was with him...he beat me, talked me down every change he got, and never gave me any respect whatsoever. He was a heavy drinker along with drug abuser. You know what though...when she came...no more. I cared more about her to let him hurt me anymore and especially HER. I never turned back. Then this...all over again. I just don't understand it. I do everything I am supposed to do for her...love her unconditionally...and I'm the one she takes everything out on me. I took up his slack all that time...and I'm still having to do it when he is present finally. I am working on letting it all go...then all of this happens. It is hard to forgive and forget when your child is involved and is acting as she is...puts doubts in my mind...obviously something isn't right over there. I know my child...and right now...she isn't herself. Something is wrong and I can't fix it. PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE. She used to be so open with me...we would talk about everything...never would lie to me...or if she did try ... she would allllllways tell me right then...ok mommy...i lied...i'm sorry. Now, she is closed off from me. IT'S HARD!!
Thank you so much for your wonderful reply teko! That is the kind of response we are all here looking for! Not someone to belittle us and make us feel as though we are MONSTERS! <3
Hi i am sorry to hear about your little girl
My daughter is 13 in March and i split up with her dad before she was born due to his drug taking.
Ihave been with my now husband since she was 2 months old
I totally understand what your saying as my daughter wanted to see her natural father and thats when all our problems started.
At first things were going well then she asked if she could spend a whole day with him to which we said yes if thats what she wanted.
At the end of the day when we went to collect her from him and his partner all seemed to be well and she had enjoyed herself .As we left and went to the car he asked me when was i going to get my husband to adopt her but he would still pay child support. Icouldnt believe my ears HE HAD SAID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER .
After that every time she asked to see him he said he was busy then when i asked him to tell the truth he said it was because his girlfriend didnt like her.
All of a sudden he rang out of the blue and wanted to pick up where he had left off , to my daughters delight ,but he kept letting her down .
About 6 months ago my daughter asked why his partner didnt like her and he told her to her face THAT HE HAD MADE IT ALL UP AND IT WAS HIM WHO DIDNT WANT TO SEE HER!!!!!!!!!!!
Since then my daughters behaviour has declined, she has to have anger management and her grades are suffering she wont talk to us ,picks fights with her sister and cries all the time
I grew up in the child care system so know what its like to be abused and feel unwanted but to see your own child hurting is beyond heart breaking
All you can do is what your doing and try to get all the help you can ,(as we are) and let her know that you love her and are not going away and when she is having a tantrum or a burst of anger just restrain her by hugging her and telling her you love her ,thats what im doing and it seems to be helping
GOOD LUCK
My daughter is 13 in March and i split up with her dad before she was born due to his drug taking.
Ihave been with my now husband since she was 2 months old
I totally understand what your saying as my daughter wanted to see her natural father and thats when all our problems started.
At first things were going well then she asked if she could spend a whole day with him to which we said yes if thats what she wanted.
At the end of the day when we went to collect her from him and his partner all seemed to be well and she had enjoyed herself .As we left and went to the car he asked me when was i going to get my husband to adopt her but he would still pay child support. Icouldnt believe my ears HE HAD SAID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER .
After that every time she asked to see him he said he was busy then when i asked him to tell the truth he said it was because his girlfriend didnt like her.
All of a sudden he rang out of the blue and wanted to pick up where he had left off , to my daughters delight ,but he kept letting her down .
About 6 months ago my daughter asked why his partner didnt like her and he told her to her face THAT HE HAD MADE IT ALL UP AND IT WAS HIM WHO DIDNT WANT TO SEE HER!!!!!!!!!!!
Since then my daughters behaviour has declined, she has to have anger management and her grades are suffering she wont talk to us ,picks fights with her sister and cries all the time
I grew up in the child care system so know what its like to be abused and feel unwanted but to see your own child hurting is beyond heart breaking
All you can do is what your doing and try to get all the help you can ,(as we are) and let her know that you love her and are not going away and when she is having a tantrum or a burst of anger just restrain her by hugging her and telling her you love her ,thats what im doing and it seems to be helping
GOOD LUCK
I think the reason your daughter is acting out towards you--is she knows that you will not let her down...she knows that you will be there always even when she tells you to leave...just keep doing what you are doing..loving her and being understanding...once you get her in to counseling maybe she will be able to open up and be the little girl sh once was..even though that may be difficult--she may still be changed but maybe not as angry or sullen...I wish you the best of luck with counseling and hope you can find the right path for your little girl.
I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and suggestions! I only have a problem with judgemental people such as RockRose. To everyone else though...it has really given me alot of hope and strength. KAT2145 I really really wish you the best with your little girl and thank you soooo very much for your response to my post and being so thoughtful! Everyone has been so amazing and thank each and everyone of you so much!
I met with the counsler last week and today by meself and she is just amazing! Some of the suggestions and just being able to talk to someone has really really helped. She will start seeing us both next week. I'm so hopeful and I know that our relationship will be fixed. As for my daughter, she has already started opening up to me...more than I could have ever wished for! I realized that we always had such a tight and special bond...she never used to lie to me and we just had this great open relationship. Well...I realized that because her stepmother was telling me things...I trusted her a little too much...and my daughter saw that I didn't trust her anymore...so she closed off from me and quit trusting me. I had a talk with her and let her know how very sorry that I was that I ever doubted her on some of the things she told me that was going on over there. The look on her face was amazing. She is still not fully open with me...but every little bit helps right now. It is a work in progress and I can't wait until we are back to our normal, wonderful relationship.
She has stated that she does not wish to go back to her father's anymore and that she just wants our normal life back the way it was before. She is also praying on a daily basis for me to find someone to love me and be a "GOOD" daddy to she and her sister. Bless her little heart. I have faith that everything happens for a reason...I know that God loves us and will help us! All of this has also helped me to realize things about myself that I have to deal with. God is soooo very GOOD. Keep us in your prayers please!
I met with the counsler last week and today by meself and she is just amazing! Some of the suggestions and just being able to talk to someone has really really helped. She will start seeing us both next week. I'm so hopeful and I know that our relationship will be fixed. As for my daughter, she has already started opening up to me...more than I could have ever wished for! I realized that we always had such a tight and special bond...she never used to lie to me and we just had this great open relationship. Well...I realized that because her stepmother was telling me things...I trusted her a little too much...and my daughter saw that I didn't trust her anymore...so she closed off from me and quit trusting me. I had a talk with her and let her know how very sorry that I was that I ever doubted her on some of the things she told me that was going on over there. The look on her face was amazing. She is still not fully open with me...but every little bit helps right now. It is a work in progress and I can't wait until we are back to our normal, wonderful relationship.
She has stated that she does not wish to go back to her father's anymore and that she just wants our normal life back the way it was before. She is also praying on a daily basis for me to find someone to love me and be a "GOOD" daddy to she and her sister. Bless her little heart. I have faith that everything happens for a reason...I know that God loves us and will help us! All of this has also helped me to realize things about myself that I have to deal with. God is soooo very GOOD. Keep us in your prayers please!
I just read about your problems and I wanted to say that I have experienced similar turn around behaviors with my own daughter. Not to that extreme though. I would agree that she is acting out towards you because you are the safety, the one constant that she can depend on. It is important that you show her continued understanding and compassion without forgetting to be firm. Express to her that her feelings are ok but it is never ok to yell or hit her mother...regardless of how angry she is.
I took my daughter to counseling this past year after she began to show signs of distress after visits with her biological father. Although, the counselor was unable to uncover anything that would prove to be a slam dunk in court she was able to discover some things that were being told to my child. Most importantly she was able to reassure me that I was doing the right thing and that my instincts on how to deal with it were correct. I know can help my daughter deal with the lies and the deception while I wait for the courts to wake up and take him out of her life.
I just wanted to share with you that as a mother of a similar situation it sounds to me like you are doing an excellent job and I know that some day your daughter will be able to thank you and express to you how much it meant to her. Just remember you have had each other for 7 years and you know the truth. Stick together and never forget to let her know you will always be there...not matter what.
Keep up the good work and I look forward to the day when your daughter "returns"
Good Luck!!!
I took my daughter to counseling this past year after she began to show signs of distress after visits with her biological father. Although, the counselor was unable to uncover anything that would prove to be a slam dunk in court she was able to discover some things that were being told to my child. Most importantly she was able to reassure me that I was doing the right thing and that my instincts on how to deal with it were correct. I know can help my daughter deal with the lies and the deception while I wait for the courts to wake up and take him out of her life.
I just wanted to share with you that as a mother of a similar situation it sounds to me like you are doing an excellent job and I know that some day your daughter will be able to thank you and express to you how much it meant to her. Just remember you have had each other for 7 years and you know the truth. Stick together and never forget to let her know you will always be there...not matter what.
Keep up the good work and I look forward to the day when your daughter "returns"
Good Luck!!!
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