i am a 37 year old man happily married but have had a nightmare to deal with for the past year, I am english and my wife and children Spanish, the children are from my wifes previous relationship, we have two boys aged 4 and 7 years old and a girl aged 10 years old. My wife suffered from physical and mental abuse for 7 years from her previous boyfriend the father of the the two boys, he threatened her continuously, and hit her and half stangled her as well as raping her a few times...and as always said if she told anyone he would kill her and take the boys....like so many women this happens to. Eventually she met me, and even though she had not been with the father for 18 months he continued like an obsession to try ro ruin everything in her life and install fear to control her. Now to sut a long story short we got married and little by little i had more and more confrontations with this man as we let him see the children once for a weekend every two weeks, he started coming to our house when i was working, calling every day at ridiculous hours...and in the end i put my foot down and told my wife this was not a life, it was a nightmare and this had to stop, so we denounced him for agression towards my wife and us...and then things got really bad, we had to move house 4 times as he kept searching for us, he raped my wife when i was working and she pleaded with me not to go to the police as she was so scared and we planeed to move real far away and stop all contact. The 4 year old only remembers me as his father, the 7 year old however used to see his father hit and abuse his mother(my wife), and remembers everything, he too was also threatened by his father. Well one weekend the child returned from his wonderful father and he had blood coming from his backside, he explained his father had punished him and stuck cocktail sticks in him and touched his penis, we immediately called the Police who took the child had him examined and the father spent one night in jail...wow! he was let out as the child was so disturbed the medical team could not examine him properly, we also lodged another denuncia, and the child did as well against his father for this act...ever since the child has been in mental help in a sexual abuse unit, of which they recorded everything including further abuse no one knew about, but the father still continues to search for us, the law is a nightmare and we just want to protect the child. His behaviour is terrible, has no respect for his mother, only me, insults people and talks like a 16 year old, he wets himself when he hears his father may be close...what can we do? i am concerned about the child, the legal system in Spain is a joke, and we have no protection, and i am seriously concerned for the childs mental welfare for the future and my wifes.
I somewhat understand the Dynamics here as you are living in Spain,I do believe that you need to leave Spain and go back to UK these issues you obviously cannot get resolved where you are, this may all continue and the Family should be protected they will do someting about it in the UK if you should be followed. there. You have to take control and help your Family or find Authoritys there that will deal with it for you. The Boyfriend should not be within many miles of you here there would be a restraining order if he wasnt in Jail .It should not have gone this far. Let us know how it goes.
I don't understand why you titled your post "Serious Behavior Problems".
I don't think this will be resolved - she was drowning, you swam out to rescue her and now you're both going down. It isn't just random chance of bad luck when women end up in long term abusive relationships. Just removing them from that relationship doesn't solve the problem at all.
I can't tell what's going on there in Spain, I would be surprised that the abuse you're talking about isn't a crime there - this isn't making a lot of sense. But it sounds like unless she is actually willing to leave him, and leave that relatinship behind her by leaving the country, I don't think you have a chance at normalcy.
Thank you for the response, you are correct that it is a crime in Spain, but the law is so slow and backward that it takes them anything,....and incredibly up to 3 years in this type of case to investigate anything. In the meantime the criminals are wandering free!, So you are clear my wife is not with her ex boyfriend and has not been since we have known each other and got married 2 years ago, i have had fights with him, i have won court cases against him...and still nothing. I think you are right we must leave the country, but when i have the finances, it is not an option because of this, and as you know with a family these decisions cannot be fulfilled unless certain elements are there. Presently we have had nearly a year escaping this idiot and ...may i add his two brothers and mad mother who are all the same.
I was of the belief that the authorities would actually do something as the sexual abuse unit has been very good, but just are not supported by the actual law, Spain needs to change massively as the law is letting a lot of people down, and a lot of people are getting hurt and killed because of its failings, and it is terrible as the country is a beautiful place.
Thank you for your reply, and as per the other response i have given to rockrose, i agree it is the best solution to leave the country, painful though it maybe, it may be the only solution.
While things are quiet, i am however trying to find out how the EU law stands on this, and try and take the case to the European courts, do you or anyone have any ideas? i must exhaust every avenue, as i dont want to de stabilise my 7 year old more.
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