Should I get counseling for my son?

[wrenalee]

My 6 year old son had an 8 (almost 9) year old friend over and they were playing fine, then I noticed things got really quiet.  I went to check on them and found them in my son's bed.  The older boy was sitting up with the covers over him and I pulled back the covers to find my son's mouth on his penis.

I took my son in private and asked him what was going on and he told me the older boy pulled down his pants and told me son to put his penis in his mouth and my son said "no" but the boy made him.  My son went about playing and the other boy did too until I asked him to tell me what happened and then he started crying and put his shirt over his head and would not look at me.

When his mom arrived to get him, she talked to him but he wouldn't talk about what happened, he just apologized to my son.

What am I to think is going on here?  Kids do not know about oral sex unless they see it.  I'm concerned and the other mother thinks I'm overreacting.

Any advice?  Thanks!

[supermom1234]

It sounds like the other boy either has been molested or (hopefully, if one of these is right) he's reenacting something he saw on TV or something his parents did. He sounds ashamed of what he did based on his reaction when you tried to talk about it, and his apology, and he wasn't laughing at your son or anything. So it seems like he thought this behavior was okay and then quickly learned that it wasn't.

It concerns me that the other mom accuses you of overreacting, and makes me think she might know something she's not telling you, because if my son did something like this to another kid I'd not only have a very strong reaction myself but would also be 100% supportive of the other mom's reaction. This is not something that should be casually dismissed.

So, what to do? First off, I would talk to all caregivers-- not just the mom-- about this incident. Father, stepfather, mom's boyfriend, super-involved grandparents, etc. I'd also talk to the boy directly and ask if anything has been done to him. He might not tell you depending on how close you are but maybe he will. I'd also not let my son and that kid hang out alone anymore--- only supervised, if at all. Finally, I'd let my own son know that while it's great he said no initially, if someone ignores his no and tries to make him do things like that he should not hesitate to call-- to SCREAM-- for help. Good luck and I'm so sorry this happened!