Obstinate/Willful child

[DulcieAnne]

My 11 daughter is obstinate to the extreme.  When she makes up her mind about something...no matter how small...she digs her heels in and refuses to budge.  She is very intelligent.  But she got a "C" for written communication on her report card because she refuses to write a rough draft as required by her teacher.  She claims it is pointless and therefore refuses.

The power struggles are common ...  sometimes it is over something as small as her brother using what she considers to be her pencil.  But always her reaction is inordinately large.  She will be entirely annoying and maddening until she gets her way. She will loudly drone her demand, definiantely stand her ground or otherwise make herself a nuisance.  Sometimes, the issues are bigger.  Today, she decided she wasn't going to school because it is Take Your Son & Daughter to Work day.  Although I have taken her to my office in years past, I had not planned on taking her this year.  But she felt because other kids would be out, she wanted to stay home and have a holiday and decided to have a sit down strike of sorts. She flatly refused to get up. After 45 minutes of effort that started nice and gentle and escalated, I eventually had to forcebly dress her and haul her out the door.  (No small effort.)  But I was determined to get her on that bus ... because often when she is successful in winning her way ... she will later gloat "I told you I wasn't going" or something similar.

I took her to a therapist when she was 8 years old ... but he found nothing of note.  Meanwhile, our familyis pulling our head out over her bull in a china shop method of getting what she wants and obstinate, disruptive behavior.  If she is this troublesome at 11, what will I do when she is too big to physically make her do what she is supposed to do.

[supermomma531]

Your little one sounds like he's looking for attention. With little ones, they don;'t care if the attention is good or bad as long as they get the attention. Maybe spending a little one on one time with each child will help diffuse the situation. Also explaining that his behavior is unacceptable at his level is very important. Be persistent on the punishments. Try a reward system with him for his good behavior. Constant reminders of why he's suppose to be good will help him to remember. Sorry by the way, I am the community leader of the child behavior forum. I am here to help in any way possible. Any time your son says anything not acceptable, there needs to be a consequence. Lots of persistence over time will show him that you're not backing down and he needs to follow rules just like his brothers & or sisters. Good luck.

[rhondaasu]

I have a five yr old son who says the most terrible things..I don't know what to do. He is the youngest of four children bu I have never dealt with this kind of behavior before. He is very intelligent but says things like..I hate you, I don't want you in my family, I want you to beat me untill I bleed. Put me outside., Use a shotgun on me. (these are just a few statements..there are many more). I do the time out thing and soap in the mouth, etc. nothing seems to work. I really think I need professional help with my little one. Some of the things he says really hurts..  please help...

[Natta1980]

Do not let her get her way. Period. Once the target behavior starts, there should be not way for her to get what she wants. Fiting for 45 minutes is too long, state your request twice at the most and then promp you to comply.

Expect her behavior to get worse for a couple of weeks, then it will get better.


And you probably should have explained why you are not taking her to work (important meeting, etc.) - she probably felt left out