Teacher and parent concerns

[Terry11925]

I have a wonderful fun loving 5 year old who has had some problems in the last 12 months with VPK and now kindergarten. I consider myself a child professional yet I cannot find the solution. Today I get an email from his K teacher stating that my son is having problems folloeing directions in class and is annoying his class mates. He also tried to leave school as a walker today and he is a bus rider. More to the point he tried to convince a second teacher that he was a walker. When I asked him why he said the bus takes too long. He has always had some trouble listening and is very strong minded but he s now shouting at his peers and his teacher and other parents are complaining about him. The teacher now wants to meet with the behavior specialist and I am mortified. He has clear consistent boundaries at home and if he does not get green in school he has dinner with no rewards and goes to bed early. His teacher reports him to be an excellent student academically. What am I to do I thought I was doing it right? What am I doing wrong? Am I missing signs and signals as it my own child? He also recently changed class as a new kindergarten class was created he has been in his new class 3 weeks. How can I change his behavior as I am concerned for his safey and well being?

[Terry11925]

I have an issue with labeling when it is used inappropiately. In your case you were clearly looking for a diagnosis as you recognized a issue in your child which is commendable. I on the other hand had a very nagative experience when my oldest who is 18 was labelled incorrectly and had a stigma all his life that was not true. I will certainly look into the observing/volunteering for the day just so I can see what is happening in class, thats a great idea. He does not display any of the ADD or ADHD behaviors though in saying that he does have some trouble focusing at times and I have felt that it was maturity more than anything else. At this point I just want to get to the bottom of whatever it is and rectify it for me so he is happy and healthy at school. Thanks for your advice I am open to any and all suggestions to make my boy happy.

[specialmom]

He is on the young side.  My son who is also in kindergarten turns 6 in a couple of months and some in has class have already turned 6.  I do think it can make a difference for kids and especially boys.  He may  just need a little more time to adjust and he is only 5 as you say.  

That is good that you don't see issues at home.  I don't think that you have to decide something is going on with your child or not right now.  I do disagree with the idea of labeling being bad though.  My son had big issues in preschool which put us in the position of needing to have him evaluated.  We did so, and found that he had his delay.  I could then say to teachers, hey, he is trying his best as are we and he is just wired differently.  I've seen nothing but compassion from teachers and have felt like my son has had his own little cheering section.  I know that there are some rotten teachers out there that just want their job to be easy -----  but there are many good ones out there that have the best interest of the kids at heart.  I guess until proven otherwise, I would believe they are trying to help because say by the off chance something is going on with your boy and they see it and you choose to think they are just being hard on him-----  you miss the boat to help him.  

With all that said-----  try not to worry.  I was a psychotherapist for a gazillion years prior to being a mother  . . .and although I never treated children, the psychiatrists in my office did.  The common thought about ADD and ADHD was that it shouldn't be diagnosed until a child is at least 6 because development is so variable among them.   My guess is your son is just adjusting and maturing.  You've kept your rules consistent at home and his behavior is good there and when he is with you in crowds and at parties.  (those are trigger events for lots of kids).  Good luck at your meeting on Thursday.  Can you, by the way, observe the class for a day or volunteer to see what is going for yourself?  

[Terry11925]

He was born Aug 2nd 2004 and has just started Kindergarten. He sleeps very well and loves his sleep. I am meeting with the teacher dean and a behavioral specialist at school hopefully Thursday. He has been in Kindergarten since August 20th this year though recently changed class as a new Kindergarten class was created to reduce class sizes. I do not see that there is a sgnificant problem based upon behavior at home though he is an attention seeker. I suppose I do not want him labelled at such an early age and find the school system very quick to judge children as well. ( I want to raise my hands to the sky and be like "he is 5 common what do you expect". The child professional in me has a hard time with the whole systemic view of children and behavior as on the whole teachers frankly do not have time for it in public schools.

[specialmom]

Kindergarten is such a tough time for kids.  It's a huge transitional year.  They are in a new enviroment (and your son has been there only 3 weeks, right?) and lots of new things are expected of them.  When is your son's birthday?  Is he on the young side of 5?  Our school (where I too have a kindergartener) talks a lot about emotional development vs. academic development and a young 5 will have more trouble with this an in general, boys lag behind too.  He very well could just be adjusting.  Or there could be something more to it.  But either way, that isn't your fault.  It sounds like you love your kid and work hard to help him along.  

I would work with his teacher.  She has some insight as she is comparing him directly to his peers without biased (unlike we parents do).  If she would like to have him assessed, I would do it.  That doesn't make the finding absolutely right----  it is just more information to paint the full picture of your son and what is going on with him.  If he then needs an IEP to help him through his day----  it is okay.  That could mean something as simple as a movement break during the day to keep him focased and listening. Or it can involve more.  But the point is, they will look at him specifically and see what they can do to make him successful in school (and happier there).
Don't be mortified.  I have felt that way.  I've swallowed more than a little bit of pride.  But in the end, people usually have good hearts and can recognize when you are trying.  And school personel want to help your son.  So try not to get wrapped up in how it looks as that really doesn't help.  I've been in your shoes and speak from experience.  My son has sensory integration disorder and does some wacky things to say the least.  

Anyway, increase your son's physical activity as that can have a really posative effect on behavior, move him close to the teacher and have her give him special jobs like carrying some books across the room or erasing the chalk bourd (if they have that), and make sure he is getting enough sleep.  And know that lots of moms are going through the same thing right now.  I wish you lots of luck!