encopresis and encouragement 10 year old boy

[blessed2000]

Hi for the past 3 years my son has been dealing with encopresis. blood tests, allergy tests, scans, 2 years of counseling, miralax like it is a vitamin, monthly cleansing, and found that "depends" works best....that is the physical. Now the emotional, 4 day cares (they kick us out), 2 schools, name calling, no friends for my son, reward charts like they are fad diets, oh did I say counseling for 2 years.

The wonderful thing, my son is strong and positive. He stills tried to make friends, even if the kids had made fun prior, loves to tell jokes, trys to make you laugh, loves video games, compassionate, and so so smart. OH and the best hugger in the world. Now, he gives counseling advise...maybe since he was in it for two years!

I guess I was first coming on here to ask for encouragement but as I am typing this I see that I just needed to say it for myself what I do see and encourage myself. This road is not an easy one to walk on and can leave you very isolated since other people do not understand or much less WANT to understnad. What are some tips for clean ups? for the kids to carry with them to school? or words of encouragement that you say to them?

Here is what I have learned:
We use depends and flushable wipes that we put in a zip lock quart bags (the kind the kids can "slid"). Less smell, easy to clean up and easy on the next person coming into the bathroom afterwards. Lots of fiber foods and water. Exercise and less video games (too much sitting).

When he says he "doesn't have control" we talk together the process of what he does have control over. Encopresis is a 3 step process:
1. sitting on the pot and actually "trying", eating right, drinking water and exercising (control over this...no excuses).
2. the accident...unfortantly with this he is backed up and the intestines are enlarged (no control)
3. after the accident. someone says "it smells" "go check". he needs to clean up and not fight to change (control over this...no excuses). Since we did this, it is putting the ball back in his court and has helped us out as a family.

Have a wonderful day.

[mezmo]

I have a 10 yr old grandson who my son and I are raising together. We've had him since he was 9 mo old. His mother did drugs throughout the pregnancy and continued after his birth. My son got custody. My grandson seemed to be constipated a lot as an infant, and when we started to potty train him at three, we had no success. We weren't allowed to enter him in kindergarten because of this problem. We tried desperately to have him trained by age 6 with no luck, so we enrolled him in school without a word of his problem to anyone. He is now 10. His pediatrician keeps prescribing him Miralax as the sollution. She has even suggested that his problem could be due to sexual abuse, and wants him to have therapy. It was like a hit to the gut when she suggested that. I know for a fact that my grandson is the most loved and untouched in any sexual way. This life has not been an easy one, but it helps to know that we are not the only ones dealing with this. I am going to try the Primadophilus and pray that this might be the miracle we are looking for. My love and prayers for all of us out there with this problem.

[AbadabaMom365]

How is your daughter doing now? My daughter 7 ( and our family) has been dealing with this 3 years.  My daughter, like yours, does not have hard stools ever or seem to have much constipation, but lots of diarhea & loose stool.  She doesn't seem to fit the mold, but doctors are sticking with this diagnosis.  I'm skeptical.
I also have 3 younger children, so the situation is very stressful.

[ChicagoMama]

We're at the beginning of this journey. My daughter is nearly 6 and just finishing Kindergarten. She started soiling about a month ago. We saw her pediatrician who suggested Miralax. That cleared her out and after a week her poops were getting a little better with a smaller dose. She had an awful runny diarrhea weekend which the ped. thought might be actual diarrhea separate to the encopresis. We're waiting until the weekend is over and if she's not okay then she'll have an x-ray. I just know she's not.

It's good to hear we're not alone, but heart breaking to here of so many of you whose kids have been suffering (along with you) for years. My daughter always has loose bowels not constipation so I'm surprised she got this. I presume it's just from holding it at school etc. Thankfully she doesn't seem too bothered by it emotionally but we're about to be kicked out of her after school program. What do you do when that happens? Quit work?

Anyway - here we are a month in and already facing drastic consequences. I'm glad I found this board though. Worn out mom!

[akilangel]

I have the same issue only everyone smells it.  He is 9 and has no friends.  He does not seem to care that he smells or that kids tease him.  He has admitted to holding it because he does not want to go.  I believe he holds it so much that some slips out and then we get the soiled pants.  He is also a horrible wiper.  I have demonstrated wiping techniques and given him moist wipes.  Nothing has worked.  He has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD.  I have informed the teacher because I did not want them thinking that it was due to lack of parent care.  I have thrown away underwear and pants because it is just too much to wash.  My mother thinks there is some big conspiracy causing this and it could not be a conscious choice by my son.  I am comforted in knowing that I am not alone, but discouraged by the fact that some many have been dealing with this for so long.  

[speshgirl]

Several years ago, when I first researched this issue with my son, I couldn't find anything. Today (my son is 10), I finally found a group of folks in the same boat as me! YAY! My son potty trained beautifully. However, between kindergarten and 1st grade, he started 'holding' in bowel movements. When he does go, it is a huge mass that (almost) always stops up the toilet. What happens on the days in-between (usually a week or more), is that he has little 'gifts' in his underwear. I have tried everything over the years, and finally have just accepted that it will stop when it stops. It is such an embarrassing issue. I haven't discussed it with anyone at his school - no teachers, administrators, anyone - not even my best friend or anyone in our family. Fortunately, no one has found out, either. In the meantime, I do lots and lots of laundry and buy lots of underwear. Glad to know that I am not alone. It certainly helps!

[hollyweed39]

I just want to say a big thank you to all of you for sharing your experiences with this. I agree with laurs that it just helps to hear others with the same story. My story would be the same as blessed2000 (only been 8 months for us though, started at age 6 now at 7 years old) and I want to thank rachael for giving me a starting point and some light to look forward to. This is my 4 th child, really thought I knew how to manage anything. NOT THIS!!! Dealt with this in a much smaller impact with my second daughter. We got her strainghtened out with rewards and starting over.  Come on this is holding my whole family hostage. Keep the info coming.

[laurs1970]

I am sitting here in tears probably due to the relief I feel that this problem is manageable and that we are not alone - thank goodness for the internet.  I have printed the pamphlet and will take it from here - we just want a happy, healthy son who will have great self-esteem now and in the future.  Thank-you thank-you thank-you all in this forum.
Melbourne VIC

[emaily]

want to post my endorsement of rachael1985's solution on this thread as well:

Hi-
We read your posts about 20 days ago.  I'll spare you our story of our son since it's SO much the same except for the expensive therapy sessions we went to when we believed the problem might be emotional.  I ordered the primadophilus the day I read this, to be delivered 2 day air.  Since my son started the primadophilus, and we started following all the instructions in this pamphlet about encopresis from Australia, everything has been soooooo much better!  We made no adjustments to his diet other than the Primadophilus.  I think he has a while to go before the nerves wake up and he can feel again, and he is still scared of pain and wants to hold it  -some habits are tough to break.  But if we get him to eat a good sized breakfast, get him on the toilet 20 minutes later, he has a normal bowel movement 6 out of 7 days and we haven't had an accident in 3 weeks.

I want to give a strong plug for this pamphlet.  Reading it with our son, putting ourselves in the "coach" role, and getting us on the same side vs the personfied "Sneaky Poo" was a real turning point for all of us emotionally as well.

http://www.narrativetherapylibrary.com/img/ps/spoo2.pdf

Thank you for this post!  You have lifted a huge weight off our family!

[Rachael1985]

Your son sounds so similar to mine when he was that age. When he started kindergarten 2 yrs ago, I purposely spent the day hanging around in the area of the school, since I left my cell # with the teacher and expected her to call since he hadn't gone for 3 days. So I know exactly what you are going through. I too found out, on my own, that he has a reaction to milk. Never did when he was a baby/toddler that I noticed, but when he started having the issues I became aware of it. He"had" encopresis. Notice I said HAD. And as MaryFran said, it has been quite a long road, but once I found what worked it was very quick. Let me explain.
It started shortly after trying to potty train when he was 3 yrs old. I put potty training off for a while and then when he seemed ready again, we accomplished it. But then started the holdings. Mainly to do with the fact that he had more important "things" to do ~ like playing. Well I did some research and started with flaxseed in all-fruit smoothies, totally changed his diet to much more healthy, whole grain foods etc., but to no avail. He still had encopresis. I found dairy products to also be a trigger to set him off. So I switched him to soymilk and watched his dairy intake, though he loves cheese. This helped somewhat and I was now giving him flaxseed oil in all-fruit smoothies. When I took him in for his 5 yr well check, his Dr chided me for switching him to soymilk and told me he could develop osteoporosis if I didn't give him milk. I told him about his encopresis and he told me to put him on Miralax. I researched Miralax and Dulcolax and decided against it. But I did go home and gave him milk. He immediately got plugged up again, confirming the fact that milk is a major culprit besides him training his muscles to "hold it." We would spend SO MANY hours in the bathroom when he would go for 2-3 to 5 days without having a BM. I switched him back to soymilk. My sister suggested YoPlait YoPlus yogurt since it had probiotics. We tried it and it seemed to work and get him regular. Well, he tired of having to have a yogurt everyday, so I did more research about probiotics and found a chewable probiotic children's pill that he now takes once a day, at bedtime and it's NIGHT AND DAY in the difference. He is now regular and has been for 1 yr. It is such a relief to know our problem is solved. The pill is made by Nature's Way and is called Primadophilus Kids and it's carried by Sprouts and SunFlower Market where I live, but you can call them and find out if they sell it near you. 1-800-9NATURE begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              1-800-9NATURE      end_of_the_skype_highlighting. I thought he was going to have to live with this problem for the rest of his life but thank goodness I found out about this after only 3 yrs, which is still a long time to have to have dealt with it. I'm hoping this information helps someone else out there besides resorting to a drug that doesn't really treat the problem but just makes a person have to go to the bathroom. I am in no way affiliated with Nature's Way and I'm sure there are other probiotic chewables out there for kids. Just hoping someone else reads this and gives it a try if your child is suffering from this problem.
Oh, one more thing. By quick, I mean I noticed a change within several days of him taking the probiotic pill every night (night since it works best then inside one's body). The biggest change came within 2-3 weeks of him going every 1-2 days and he's now going regularly every other day which is a huge change from the 2-3 to sometimes 4-5 days without going. He's never had Miralax or Dulcolax. Sometimes when it was bad I would do glycerin suppositories but that didn't ever help much either. The probiotics has been the only thing that worked.
Hope this helps since it worked for us. Good luck.
** Just from looking this up again, I've noticed some people mention a possible relation with wheat products. I'm going to monitor my son and see if he has a change in his "habits" when he has more wheat, ie bread, pasta**

[maryfran2010]

Great Post.  I joined this website in June as our family is also struggling with Encopresis...going at least 4 years now with my daughter is is now 8.  I find that the reward charts do help...but are also very hard to keep up with.  Consistency is the key, however, not always the reality of life.  We keep track of clean days, successful days (poop in toilet) and clean-up of underwear.  This can sometimes end up resembling nagging at the end of the day and then we regress some because she's tired of me asking how the day went with regards to poopin.  We keep plugging away though. We've been very lucky with supportive teachers and caregivers. She goes to school and camp very prepared with extra clothing, flush-able wipes and empty plastic bags for the soiled garments.    I have found that putting the ball back in her court has helped us also.  I haven't tried the depends...too scared she may just settle and not be motivated to "listen to her body".  We continue to encourage her to give her body a chance with potty sits, but are usually met with the "I don't have to go" which is very frustrating because she claims to still not get any feeling to go ever...so how does she know that she doesn't have to go??? The therapist says we'll never figure it out.  Kind of giving up on therapy lately...tired of feeling like its all on my fault when we slack of on the chart due to life's natural inconsistency. The one good thing that came out of therapy was the angle of "personal responsibility".  My daughter now cleans up herself and her own underpants and I'm just support if she needs it.  We actually had one success last week, but regressing again.  We've also done the miralax, exlax, mineral oil, therapy...etc.  This condition is very stressful for the whole family. There are a few who have posted with the same situations and I have to say it was a god send when I saw them. I was feeling very isolated and this site has proved to me that we're not the only ones dealing with this "sneaky poop problem" as we call it in our home. We've become online venting friends if you ever need to join in.