9 year old boy cries hysterically

[krdm]

My 9 year old boy cries as if he has broken something every time he hurts himself.  I understand that it hurts but he just screams at the top of his lungs forever and won't stop.  He also gets very mad because he is hurt.  I don't what to do about this anymore.  My husband a I have tried to tell him that we know it hurt but he does not need to act like this.  We tried to tell him he needs to toughen it up a bit even though it hurts.  This is not new, he has always been like this I just thought it would get better the older he got but its not getting better.  Here is one example that happened today....   We went the the church Fall Festival where they had some bouncy houses.  He gets in and a few minutes later comes out screaming and crying so bad he can't tell me what happened.  He finally get it out of his mouth in a screaming angry manner that he was doing a frontwards flip and hit himself in the cheek with his knee.  It took me many questions to get this entire story out of him because he was crying so hard the whole time.  I hugged and him and was very attentive to his pain.  After a minute I asked him if he wanted to get back in and he yelled that NO! he hated bouncy houses still crying of course.  I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!  I said ok.  we headed to the car.  i was very attentive to his paid all the way there.  We loaded up in the car and I was trying to get him to stop crying and get him to look at the bright side of the day and I said " Well at least u got to play some fun games and got some candy before you knocked yourself silly with your knee."  Then he screams at me that he wants to go back, he doesn't want to leave.  I said no we are already driving off.  So he starts to scream that he wants to go back now.  Well his Father and I then lost our temper and jumped all over him for his behavior.  He still is crying 20 minutes later when we stop for gas and his dad get out he tells me he feels like I don't even care about his pain.  Again I lost it.  
I do not know how to handle this anymore.  I have trying to be understanding and have even argued many times with his father that he is not a whimp... that I feel he is just sensitive and cries when he is angry.
When we arrived home I sent him to get his bath and I hear him crying in the bathtub.  I open the door and ask him if he is crying again.  He says "I'm just crying cause I lost a race to a girl" which happened at the festival also but he showed no emotion over the situation at that time.
Can anyone tell me what might be going on.  Is he a whimp...sensitive....a brat...anger issues...????

Please Help

[isaacs4]

I felt like I was ready a journal page when i saw your post.  My son is EXACTLY the same.  Even down to the crying later on about the girl that beat him in the race.  My son also cries about unrelated issues from the past after he has had a melt down. He claims that everyone hates him. He also does an "incredible hulk" thing when he gets angry about how he got injured.  Today he said he was attacked by another boy (he's in 4th, the boy is in 2nd) and he said his "legs gave way" over and over and fell to the ground and he was choking from crying so hard.  One of the 2nd graders said "he always over reacts" and he heard it which made him even more angry.  both my husband and I tried to tell him that he does over react and he did the incredible hulk thing again and cried his eyes out. I don't know what do do because he is a bright, well liked, personable person otherwise.  My husband has very little sympathy for the outbursts and I try to be supportive to a point, then I unemotionally say "why don't you go to your room until u calm down."  It is such a bug event when this happens.  He is a great athlete but he can't play on teams b/c of his behavior.  He announced that he quit after every practice last time he was on a soccer team.

[margypops]

Well I dont   I like the way Rock Rose said handle it . it seems as if every child whose parent comes on here for help with child behavior is directed to some kind of disorder I would check out any other avenue making him upset .and of course parenting isnt easy I agree but its really worth while ..I am afraid too many times labels are directed at children when they dont need to be ..It seems to be getting out of hand and I do not believe it ....

[littlebit667]

The thing about sensory integration is that it is a neurological response to stimuli in the child's world.  I would definitely check into that.  An Occupational Therapist can usually help you sort it out.  Just check that they work with SI.  You will see a lot about autism when you search.  The deal is that all children with autism have SI, but not all children with SI have autism.  Just weed thru that to get the info about SI.  Here is a start
http://www.livestrong.com/article/5017-need-sensory-integration-disorder/

[GtrComp1]

I think specialmom might be on to something. Definitely worth speaking to ur DR about. If there is something going on, the reaction may still be extreme or over the top, but may also be somewhat justified if his body is on overload and can't process the physical AND emotional pain. I suspect some self esteem issues may be at play as well if he's worried that he lost a race to a girl. Just a thought.

Hope things improve.

[krdm]

Thank you for your comment.  I feel that I have just tried all these suggestions that I received for all of those who commented.  I have given special attention...i have paid no attention... i have told him the story of the boy who cried wolf....i have not considered that he might have a neurological problem...  thats seems kinda extreme but its true i have not spoken to his doctor about it.  Maybe I will.  I have wanted to put him in sports but his father feels he would not make it through one practice.  I disagreed with him and signed him up for a soccer camp last summer.  I left him and when I got back to pick him up he was sitting at the picnic table crying for about 45 minutes.  The coach said he thinks he just got a crick in his neck.  Well he screamed with every move and all the way home the car jostled him.  After a week I finally took him to the doctor and was told his muscles were very swollen and obviously painful but to just give him ibuprophen.  My husband and his grandfather just kept telling him to work it out and hold his head up straight when obviously he couldn't without severe pain.  i knew he was in pain but he kept saying he broke his neck and its just so completely out of control I dont know who to listen to.  Thank you for your help

[RockRose]

I agree with Margy and Specialmom, and have this to add.

When you start screaming like that,  we are leaving RIGHT THAT MOMENT.  RIGHT THAT MOMENT.  You start screaming,  you're in the car within 20 seconds and headed home because you appear fatally injured.  

If you have any desire whatsoever to stay at the event,  don't scream like that.  

Anyway,  I've seen this strategy work for families with kids who are sensitive or dramatic.  

Best wishes.  Parenting isn't easy. ;D

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sorry this is happening with your son.  I can sympathize as I have a boy like this as well.  We also had twin neighbor girls that seemed to be seriously injured on a regular basis as well.  

I have determined that it happens for two reasons and sometimes---- perhaps in my son's case, a bit of both.  My neighbor girls receive a lot of attention for an injury.  I think this can be a big reason why some kids over react to a small hurt.  However, my son has a bit more of an extreme reaction, like your son.  He has sensory integration disorder and feels things a little differently than every other kids.  The reaction you describe is extreme enough that I wonder if your son too could be have a neurological response to an injury.  His nervous system is sending an over response to the brain and he reacts to it.  

My son played football this Fall.  I got LOTS of practice helping him cope with injuries, great and small.  Yes-----  we did all of the 'toughen up boy", ignoring, etc. but found the best strategy was to give him an idea of how to judge the pain himself.  First, have a way that he is allowed to communicate the pain to you that is appropriate.  My son couldn't come off the football field hollaring his head off about how something hurt-----  he had to quietly come to me and tell me.  He had to maintain self control for me to listen.  Let me say that this did not include any broken limbs as we fortunately didn't have any of those but he would be allowed to scream for that (being sarcastic here------ obviously, if he was REALLY hurt----  he could react appropriately as everyone would know that it was a serious injury).  If my son felt I would listen to him about the injury-----  he could control himself to tell me about it.  By the end of the season, I got him to not tell me about the injury until we got to the car! He sould assess the injury and decide if it were big or small which required him to think about it rather than just react to it.

I told him the story about the little boy who cried wolf and that if he complains about every injury------  that I couldn't take any of them seriously.  This did sink in with my boy as that is a powerful old story to tell.  

A sensory kid needs to understand his response needs to be relavent to what has actually happened.  And being disruptive isn't acceptable.  

Prior to a pary, have a go to place that he can tell you of an injury and until you are there, he must hold it together.  Then he must think about the injury and how serious it is.  Give it a number between one and 5.  Thinking is the key to stop overreacting.  

I shared the 'boy who cried wolf" with our neighbor twins as well.  I told them that they had complained so much of small injuries that I no longer could react to it-----  told them to call me when something is bleeding profusely or broken.  They don't really complain anymore.  

good luck

[margypops]

Sounds like you may be feeding into the behavior and that making the issue worse as its getting him extra attention, play it down , yes be sympathetic but then drop speaking about it, once he doesn't get the required affect and less talking and arguing  from you guys he will stop ...try it and see .