We are not alone

[Endofmytether]

Okay from reading all the threads, one it is comforting to know that we are all in the same position.  I also have a very cheeky, answering back, tantruming  7 year old daughter, regularly screams she hates me, runs upstairs and slams her doors etc.  She started being a drama queen at 3 and this has no escalated as she has become more articulate at 7.  Is our relationship difficult , yes and sometimes I really dislike her.  I don't hit as a rule but on occasions have lost my temper and screamed and shouted at her and also smacked her.
In general this is what I do to try and ensure she knows that I am in charge.  This is important to me as if I can't control her now what hope do I have when she is a teenager.   She receives 1.50 sterling a week pocket money for making her bed, bringing her laundry down, setting the table for dinner and clearing it after and tidying up the playroom  She does this religiously without any real problems as she wants the dosh.
If she fails to complete she loses 10 pence per task. She also loses money each time she shouts at me, and acts up.  I simply say 10 pence, now this often makes her go mental with anger so I warn her I will count to 5 and if she is still screaming she loses another 10 pence and so forth.  Also at bedtime she often comes out her room with poor excuses and so she knows that she will also lose 20 pence for everytime she comes downstairs for no reason.  This works, it doesn't make her less cheeky but she is aware that there are consequences to her actions.  If she is totally out of control and doesn't care about the money she is sent to her room or dragged if necessary and is left there until I am calm enough to deal with her.  Hope this helps.  From reading the other threads I actually feel better that this is a more common problem that I thought.  It is imperative that YOU ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH no matter how tired or busy you are.  I also allow her to earn money back with very good behaviour but I do limit this and make it quite tough for her to earn purely as I don't want her to think she will get the money back easily for being good for a couple of hours.  

[margypops]

If you reread your own post I would think you would see why I said that to you, it is full of punishment ,your words are tough to read about your own child I am sorry that you think that is the way to treat a child my opinion is it is not, you do say 'smacking' and dragging I believe that is too harsh ..I have always believed that positive attention and focusing on a childs good side is the best way ..This is just my opinion ...

[Endofmytether]

Wow aren't you just perfect! If you read my threat it states that "on occasion' I have smacked her or shouted.  Unfortunately I am not perfect and occasionally could be once a week or once a year dependant on the individual.  Smart arse replies about Singapore being in the UK doesn't help anyone.  I live in Singapore but am from the UK to clarify.  My daughter was a huge drama queen and very hard work from 3 years of age and I had never lifted a hand to her or shouted so she has not 'learned' this behaviour from me.  

[margypops]

You say 'Hope this helps' it doesnt help children hitting, dragging is not the way to handle any child in fact this is what is actually causing her behavior ,she has learned it from you .I suggest some parent/child counselling would be useful here, may I ask if Singapore is now  in the UK ..?