What do I do to help my Angry 5 year old Daughter?

[BCarey]

My 5 yr. old daughter seems to be angry @ home and preschool. she wasnt always like this she hits others including me and her brother and friends. she seems hateful mad she even talks the same way. what do i do? I have tried cool down time to talk to her. She is very loved....she just lashes out and hurts others she just seems mean is that normal?

[benjimom]

My son used to be really bad about htis. It is getting better at age 6, but he still gets mad some, but the hitting is about 90 percent less.  I think they just don't know how to calm down and express their emotions. I used to use calm down steps for him and then make him identifiy where he was like red or blue. Red is angry of course!  

Yes, also wonder about changes as well.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, she seems to be having a tough time expressing her emotions.  Being mad is normal------- everyone gets mad.  But she needs to learn appropriate ways of expressing it.  I'd go to the library and check out books on emotions and feelings from the kids section.  It will give her kid language to express how she is feeling.  My kids described a bad mood as a "storm cloud" and being really mad as a "tornado" for a long time.   Understanding what she is feeling will help her identify it and make better choices on what to do with the anger.

There is another book I recommend called "hands are not for hitting".  It drives home that point and is good for a 5 year old.  

Then talk to her about what she CAN do when angry.  She can use her words to tell a grown up what she is mad about so they can help, she can go to a cool down spot by herself to calm down, she can open and close her fists tightly, she can chew a piece of gum (calming), she can count to 10, she can take deep breaths, etc.  Maybe role play and act some of these out for her.

I'd watch for triggers.  Work on eliminating these.  Also the key to stopping angry outbursts is to redirect before it gets to that point.  Stop the situation when she is aggravated only before she gets full blown mad.  She'll eventually be able to do it herself if you help her along now.

Also, has something changed in her life?  New school?  Could she be more tired than before?  New sibling?  
good luck