Aa
What do I do?
I am the mother of two and the step-mother to one. My step-child is 10 years old, and has been pooping on himself off and on since he was 5 years old. I am at my wits end, I don't know what else to do...He will go months without doing it, and than out of no where start again. We take away his electronics, toys, etc...anything that will punish him. We have threatened to put him in diapers, etc. We don't know what else to do. He just started to do it again, and I am at a loss of what to do. I am afraid that if he continues, my two young children, 4 and 1, will be began to do the same thing. I have asked him why he does it, and all I can get out of him is "I don't know", some times I can get "I didn't feel it", or "I got to busy watching TV and/or playing with toys". We have limited all his time of TV, games, and toy playing to make sure he has time to use the bathroom properly, and it still does not help. He shuts down when we try to talk to him about why he does it. He does go back and fourth to his mom's house. His dad does have custody of him, but he goes to his moms every other week for visitations...and I think that it may have something to do with his behaviors. Pooping on himself is just the beginning...he back talks, pushes my 4 year old around, threatens my 4 year old, when we punish him...he will hit himself and talk bad about himself. I just don't know what to do anymore, I am new to all this, and I am at a total loss. I have never met anyone who has gone through this, nor do I know of anyone in my town that does. We haven't taken him to the doctor because with him going back and fourth to his moms and here, it is hard to get an appointment made, plus his father works third shift, so I thought I would get on here and see what everyone has for me...and go from there. Please any help is help!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Very happy that you were able to get the appointment! Do keep in touch and let us know what happens. That way we can better help other people who may have the same problem. Good Luck!!!
Thank you everyone for your advice, my step-son has a doctor's appointment for when he comes back from his mother's house. I appreciate everyone's help and advice. I am hoping and praying that the doctor is able to give us more professional advice on what to do and what is going on with this situation. Again, thank you so much! Please pray for him, and for our family that we get some closer on this problem and we are able to get it solved and under control.
Please keep in mind that if money is an issue, it is possible that you could work with the hospital (ER) for payment. They could either offer assistance getting your stepson on Medicaid. Or if he doesn't qualify for Medicaid, the hospital could substantially reduce their fee contingent upon income. I used to work at a hospital and I also received services from an ER without having insurance for treatment of a kidney stone. So, finances should not be an issue for your stepson.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, besides all of the good advice given above. I have another suggestion which also ties into a doctors visit.
He does have symptoms of ADHD. And that would also explain the part of the popping problem. Kids with ADHD get involved in stuff (hyperfocus), and just don't bother to go until its too late. Its kind of common and I have seen it a lot over on the ADHD forum. That is one reason, I asked about summer being over and the lack of a routine. School provides a routine. It would be worth your time to check out this link on ADHD - http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK1.
If it does seem possible to you, then this is something that dad could discuss with the school to have more testing done (for free). With his grades and behavior, I am kind of surprised that the school has not mentioned this to you. He should still be checked out by the doctor to make sure that he does not have a medical condition causing the problem.
One thing that you can do at home is to get him on a schedule of going to the bathroom. You should have by now a rough idea of when he normally poops. Have him go to the bathroom before that time and spend some time in there. Then repeat every 30 min. until something happens. It doesn't sound like he is constipated, so having him try this should be ok. But, the main thing is to get him on a schedule.
Hope this helps. Keep us posted.
He does have symptoms of ADHD. And that would also explain the part of the popping problem. Kids with ADHD get involved in stuff (hyperfocus), and just don't bother to go until its too late. Its kind of common and I have seen it a lot over on the ADHD forum. That is one reason, I asked about summer being over and the lack of a routine. School provides a routine. It would be worth your time to check out this link on ADHD - http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK1.
If it does seem possible to you, then this is something that dad could discuss with the school to have more testing done (for free). With his grades and behavior, I am kind of surprised that the school has not mentioned this to you. He should still be checked out by the doctor to make sure that he does not have a medical condition causing the problem.
One thing that you can do at home is to get him on a schedule of going to the bathroom. You should have by now a rough idea of when he normally poops. Have him go to the bathroom before that time and spend some time in there. Then repeat every 30 min. until something happens. It doesn't sound like he is constipated, so having him try this should be ok. But, the main thing is to get him on a schedule.
Hope this helps. Keep us posted.
FYI, not getting a child medical treatment could be considered medical neglect.
Not to be cold or callious, but this is more than likely a medical issue that requires prompt attention. Instead of finding reasons why not to take him to the doctor, find reasons why you should as not getting him evaluated and/or treated for a medical condition could affect him for the rest of his life. Take him to the ER if need be but get him help ASAP! Disciplining or punishing him for a condition he has no control over is completely unacceptable and inappropriate. This also can damage him for the rest of his life.
I'm intrigued that you are giving clear juices and exlax to a child who has uncontrollable bowel function - that caught my eye because if he's going back and forth between constipation (sounds like he is if you're giving him exlax) and uncontrolled bowel movements, it sounds like encopresis.
Encopresis is a condition where a child has had chronic constipation and the colon is stretched out. The remedy for this is usually high fiber - either in the form of citrucel or whole bran fiber sprinkled on bran cereal every morning.
The fact that he tells you he doesn't feel it coming is a big huge red flag -
Please research encopresis. So many kids are punished for this for years before the parents learn, and pediatricians themselves don't always suspect it and merely say it's behavioral.
Encopresis is a condition where a child has had chronic constipation and the colon is stretched out. The remedy for this is usually high fiber - either in the form of citrucel or whole bran fiber sprinkled on bran cereal every morning.
The fact that he tells you he doesn't feel it coming is a big huge red flag -
Please research encopresis. So many kids are punished for this for years before the parents learn, and pediatricians themselves don't always suspect it and merely say it's behavioral.
He does not have a doctor at his moms, he only goes to the doctor with his dad, who has sole custody of him. His mom knows all about the problem, but they don't address it or find it as concerning as I do. I have talked to his dad about it, and he is at a loss just like I am. With us having 3 kids, it is hard to find the money for a copay at the doctors, but we do plan on making him a appointment soon.
Ok, He had trouble in school this year. He has trouble sitting still, he fidgets all the time...his grades were really bad this year, he barely passed the 4th grade and still had 2 F's on his final report card. I don't want to punish him, but I don't know what else to do. It is an all day thing, I have to check him every time he goes to the bathroom to make sure he is clean because the odor is disgusting and very strong. It is full poop, not runny! He sleeps just fine at night, he has no problem with sleeping. It is very hard for him to sit in one spot for to long, but I plan on calling his doctor soon.
In all honesty, I would not punish a child for an accident when as I said earlier, you know that a child doesn't want to do that. That' is why I was talking about the medical reasons they might have that could cause that. I was trying to get at the fact that this child sounds like he is hurting. I think the behaviors of pushing and such need to be addressed but otherwise, he also sounds like he needs more love and support too. A mixed bag if you will.
But I would not punish for the bathroom issue. That is insult upon injury for this poor child.
Does he not have a pediatrician at all as in with his mother? A doctor that has known him and treated him would be excellent to help figure this out. have you spoken to his mother about it? And what does his father say??
But I would not punish for the bathroom issue. That is insult upon injury for this poor child.
Does he not have a pediatrician at all as in with his mother? A doctor that has known him and treated him would be excellent to help figure this out. have you spoken to his mother about it? And what does his father say??
COMMUNITY LEADER
The thing about punishment is - you have tried it and its not working. Why would you expect it to now work? This is not about letting him get away with something. It is all about figuring out why it is going on and dealing with that.
If you were to look up all the posts we deal with here on the Child Behavior Forum, you would see that this is a problem we deal with a LOT. I mean we really do a lot of experience here. You don't. Not your fault. But when you say that, "I can't let him get away with no punishment, he needs to know that what he is doing is not Okay." He knows THAT. You yourself said, "He understands 100%," So knock off the punishment. It won't help and will only make things worse.
First, there is NO way that your younger children will start popping on themselves because he is doing it. It just won't happen.
Second, lets try and figure out what is going on.
What time of day does he have this problem? Is it a full poop in the pants or just kinda of a runny poop.
You said that he just started again and that he is on summer break? Could it be that since he does not now have the normal school routine, this is part of the problem. Many times a routine is very important for this.
My final question deals with other conditions that can cause this kind of a problem. How are his grades in school? Does he seem to have a problem paying attention? Does he have problems sleeping at night? Does he seem kind of always on the go (always moving?)
I think we can help, if you let us. Best wishes.
If you were to look up all the posts we deal with here on the Child Behavior Forum, you would see that this is a problem we deal with a LOT. I mean we really do a lot of experience here. You don't. Not your fault. But when you say that, "I can't let him get away with no punishment, he needs to know that what he is doing is not Okay." He knows THAT. You yourself said, "He understands 100%," So knock off the punishment. It won't help and will only make things worse.
First, there is NO way that your younger children will start popping on themselves because he is doing it. It just won't happen.
Second, lets try and figure out what is going on.
What time of day does he have this problem? Is it a full poop in the pants or just kinda of a runny poop.
You said that he just started again and that he is on summer break? Could it be that since he does not now have the normal school routine, this is part of the problem. Many times a routine is very important for this.
My final question deals with other conditions that can cause this kind of a problem. How are his grades in school? Does he seem to have a problem paying attention? Does he have problems sleeping at night? Does he seem kind of always on the go (always moving?)
I think we can help, if you let us. Best wishes.
Only if you know that this behavior is true defiance will consequences be in order. If there is a medical or an emotional problem triggering this behavior, mere punishment will create more of a problem!
You might want to consult with the school counselor or social worker as they may be instrumental in sorting out this situation.
You might want to consult with the school counselor or social worker as they may be instrumental in sorting out this situation.
I can't let him get away with no punishment, he needs to know that what he is doing is not Okay...I have sat him down to explain to him why he is being punished and he understands 100%, does he like it? No, what child likes to be punished. I plan to have him seen by a professional as soon as I get the money for a co-pay because his insurance does not cover that, and then I will have to figure out to pay what other part the insurance won't cover.
Before you proceed with any type of discipline for this behavior, you MUST have him evaluated by a pediatrician. Until medical and emotional issues are ruled out, I would hold back on any discipline as this could create more of a problem.
Thank you, I have tried many different things outside...right before bed time, since it is summer break...I have him and my 4 year old son go outside and play for an hour and half or so just to help them relax when it is time for bed. He stays here for a week, than goes to his moms for a week, and while he is at his moms...he tells us how she doesn't do anything for him, that he gets to play video games and watch tv until early morning hours, he has to make his own food at times, because she is either at work or to busy on the computer. During the school year, he had missed and was tardy so many days that they tried to fail him for it and blame his dad and I for it, but we keep track of whose week is whose and proved that he was only out of school one day at our house due to being sick, and all the rest was at his moms, and when we asked him why, he would say because they didn't want to get out of bed or her and her boyfriend was fighting, etc. He has 4 siblings at his moms house other then himself, and at our house he only has my two. My 4 year old is mine from a pervious relationship and my 1 year old mine and his dads, but my children has never been a cause for any of his behaviors before because he would always say how much he loved them. I believe a lot of this is left over from his moms house, but there is nothing I can do about it because they live in a different state then we do...we have tried before, which they have a history of physical violence with him...and nothing was done because they live in a different state. It is just a hard matter to deal with, me being a young mother at 23 years old, it is difficult for me to deal with. I am trying my best to be an active mom with all three of the children. We have been giving him pure juices to help, but it doesn't work...it was so bad not long ago, we had to try exlax chocolate and it didn't do anything either. We live in a neighborhood and majority of the children here stay inside on video games, so he really has no child his age to play with outside, so all he wants to do is stay inside and watch tv or play games, but we don't him. Tv and video games are earned with good behavior, and it is hard for him to earn it. We have talked him about why he does it, and he claims that he doesn't know about it and he doesn't even feel it...I just don't what to do. I am thinking about making a doctors appointment for him when I get paid...in order to pay for the copay and what not at the doctors office. Thanks again for your advice.
Hi there. Well, I'm guessing that this boy doesn't like it any better than you do. What do you think his motivation would be to do this on purpose?? he gets in trouble and it is humiliating so I would look for other answers. He very well could have some issues with constipation. Kids with this can occasionally have trouble identifying WHEN they have to go because things aren't working properly temporarily. In all honesty, I'd talk to his doctor about this as there really could be a medical reason for why he occasionally has an accident. I have a ten year old boy myself and once in a blue moon we have this issue. But he's suffered great constipation and actually was once hospitalized as he was so constipated his fecal matter was blocking his intestines almost completely. I'm a pretty involved mom and I had no idea this was going on. But when he became bloated and was vomiting and I was told that he was so impacted it was acting like a bowel blockage--- I became aware that sometimes my kiddo was doing the best he could.
So, check with his doctor on this matter. Also, just for the heck of it in case this is part of the problem, add in a cup of grape juice every day. That is what the hospital told us to do and it has greatly helped.
The other things are unfortunate. Do you think he is jealous of the other kids?? Are they yours and this kid's dad's or yours from a previous marriage??
To me, when you say he will hit himself and talk bad to himself, I feel so sad for him. Obviously the behavior of hurting the other kids can't continue but he sounds like a boy in great emotional distress. Does he visit you often? Would there be any way a psychologist could be employed to help talk with him?? Kids of that age can have so much going on inside and not know how to express it. OR, he could have some issues that cause him to have trouble controlling his impulses. Again, my older son has sensory issues. We've done occupational therapy and he has strategies that help him stay under control but if he'd never had that, he might be out of control to, ya know what I mean?? I guess I just feel bad as he seems to not want to do these things after the fact and doesn't want to be in trouble.
Does he have lots of physical outlets? Kids like this do great with much outside or sports time to burn off the energy. This really helps both my sons be better behaved. It's summer now if you are in the states and you could schedule pool time for him to swim or have him ride his bike, etc. to get some energy out and this can have an effect later of calmness in most kids.
Example: at our school, they make a kid run two laps around the school that is acting out. It's not really punishment but instead a way for these kids to get physical activity which soothes the nervous system and helps them stay calm and behave better. The brain body connection thing.
Anyway, I'm just kind of going on and on here. I just feel badly for you ALL and hope that you find your way and the boy finds his so you can be a meshed family. good luck
So, check with his doctor on this matter. Also, just for the heck of it in case this is part of the problem, add in a cup of grape juice every day. That is what the hospital told us to do and it has greatly helped.
The other things are unfortunate. Do you think he is jealous of the other kids?? Are they yours and this kid's dad's or yours from a previous marriage??
To me, when you say he will hit himself and talk bad to himself, I feel so sad for him. Obviously the behavior of hurting the other kids can't continue but he sounds like a boy in great emotional distress. Does he visit you often? Would there be any way a psychologist could be employed to help talk with him?? Kids of that age can have so much going on inside and not know how to express it. OR, he could have some issues that cause him to have trouble controlling his impulses. Again, my older son has sensory issues. We've done occupational therapy and he has strategies that help him stay under control but if he'd never had that, he might be out of control to, ya know what I mean?? I guess I just feel bad as he seems to not want to do these things after the fact and doesn't want to be in trouble.
Does he have lots of physical outlets? Kids like this do great with much outside or sports time to burn off the energy. This really helps both my sons be better behaved. It's summer now if you are in the states and you could schedule pool time for him to swim or have him ride his bike, etc. to get some energy out and this can have an effect later of calmness in most kids.
Example: at our school, they make a kid run two laps around the school that is acting out. It's not really punishment but instead a way for these kids to get physical activity which soothes the nervous system and helps them stay calm and behave better. The brain body connection thing.
Anyway, I'm just kind of going on and on here. I just feel badly for you ALL and hope that you find your way and the boy finds his so you can be a meshed family. good luck
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