What to do?

[Foreverconfused318]

I have a 32 yr old son and a 29 yr old daughter.  About 12-15 yrs ago I found out that as children my son sexually abused my daughter. They were about 10 and 13. When my son was about 16 he was badly using drugs.  I took him to a counsellor and found out that he had been sexually molested by a babysitter's son when he was about 4-5, the older boy about 10-11.   At about the ages in question of my children,  grades started going down, cigarettes and drugs were abused.  Acting out in inappropriate ways was the norm for them.  At 16 I had to have my son live with his father because his behavior and drug use was just getting worse.  It got even worse there because the dad and stepmother, who has no children of her own, felt his behavior was my fault.   Now their father has been charged with inappropriate behavior of a juvenile, swears he did nothing inappropriate and his lawyer has subpoenaed   my daughter to testify on his behalf.  She doesnt want to because she told the state screener she was not molested by father, brother or other family member and is afraid she will be charged with perjury if she testifies.  He told her "oh well that's what you get for lying".  She just wants to let sleeping dogs lie and not bring up anything from her past.  Suggestions?  And if she has to say anything will she have committed perjury and possibly suffer criminal charges?

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd gently encourage her not to let sleeping dogs lie.  Even if there was a reason for the brother to be a molester (i.e., someone else molested him), there is often a whole lot of silence around molestation that causes further damage.  If someone had spoken up about the guy who molested your son, you would never have exposed him to the person who molested him, and the chain would have stopped.  Instead, he was molested, he molested another, and now she wants to be silent.  It is damaging both to the psyche of the person who was the victim, and to others the person might go on and molest because his history is not known.  Little children of other relatives could be put in a vulnerable position.  I suppose she is clinging to the illusion that things are more friendly now and by being silent she can somehow pretend that what happened was not that bad, but boy, does it come at a price in terms of one's sense of being in control of one's life, and it also makes younger people vulnerable.  

[Foreverconfused318]

Thanks so much. She truly wants to let sleeping dogs lie, and keep this between her and her brother.

[AnnieBrooke]

I don't think she can be charged with perjury for telling the state screener a lie and then later telling the truth when under oath.  It is VERY common for people to hide molestation, it will certainly not be the first time a judge or hearings officer sees a person testify differently than they told an interviewer because they initially were afraid of the consequences.  The worst thing, if she is even asked to testify, is that someone might claim she is lying now instead of lying then.  That would be embarrassing, but it doesn't rise to the level of getting charged with perjury.  

When your daughter told the state screener that there was no molestation, was this in a formal setting in which she was under oath, like a hearing?  If so, she should contact a lawyer and explain the situation, and see for sure if there would be any chance someone would charge her with anything if she tells the truth now.  I doubt it, though.

If she is being subopenaed because the dad wants her to say he didn't molest her, and if he in fact did not, but her brother did and this comes out in the testimony, it might make her a less valuable character witness to the dad.  Her attorney should be sure to speak to the attorney that subpoenaed her to warn him that she might not be as helpful to his case as he thinks, since her story is going to differ from what she said before.  The other attorney might decide not to call her to testify at all if he realizes her telling the truth will harm his case.  Then she would be off the hook.

She won't be charged with perjury for telling the truth on the witness stand.