Why does my child's behaviour worsen at preschool?

[mlbc]

My 3 year old has been improving in her behaviours at home but has consistently worsened at her preschool with not listening to her teachers and disrupting the class during activity times. She is great with other children when we have play dates but acts out in the class at preschool. She has been pokingat, bothering, pushing and shoving other children that their parents are complaining. She won't sit still at school to complete her activities and constantly bothers others while they are doing their work. She does have a great attention span at home just not there.

How can we make her behaviour less aggressive and help her to 'sit still' and complete her tasks to be better prepared for JK?

[benjimom]

school has more expectations, school also has more stimulation too, other kids, noises, etc.  Circle time is hard for a lot of younger kids.  It was for my son.  What have the preschool teachers suggested?  

[specialmom]

A lot of kids have issues in preschool and not at home because at home they feel they have some control over their enviroment.  It is what they are used to and parents do often adjust certain things to their child's liking.  They are in their "comfort zone".  Stepping out into preschool is stepping out into the real world and some kids don't like that. Honestly, most kids do by 3.5 and 4.  Preschool is a fun place and the majority of kids really do like/love it.  When a child doesn't, it is a semi concern.  Your job is to figure out what is going on.  I'd volunteer in that classroom and observe your child.

My child was completely different at home than at school at 3.  He has sensory integration disorder and that is very common with these kids.  They are out of their enviroment and they have trouble being comfortable and "focusing" so they often wander a room or won't sit for circle time.  They have peer interaction difficulties because they remember that they aren't suppose to do something but . . . their minds are stirred up as they are "out of thier comfort zone" so they lack that impulse control and lash out.  

Things that helped my child------------  giving him choices.  Circle time----  do you want to sit on your spot in the circle or would you like to pull a chair up along side or would you like to sit in Mrs. classroom helper's lap?  He'd have some control by choosing and then he'd be able to follow through.  Before and after school, a little nervous system soothing.  I'd have him "help me out" and carry some heavy books across the room for me.  I'd ask him to do some funny animal walks like crab walk, bear walk, leap frog.  I'd put him on the floor and make a sandwich with him by pressing couch pillows over him gently.  Sounds wacky?  All work directly on an overactive nervous system that can't calm when it needs to at school.

I often hear "well they are only 3 or only 4"  which is true. They are little.  But "real school" starts soon enough.  And figuring out a situation before then is imperative.  We worked on things really hard in the preschool years and I now have a 1st grader doing fantastic!  Good luck to you.  

[AnnieBrooke]

She's probably acting out because she'd rather be at home with you, and maybe at some level resents the other kids because they symbolize that she's being treated as one of them instead of being at home one-on-one with loving mommy.  I'm dealing with that with my son.  He's doing OK at school, but it has taken a big effort -- high doses of talking to him and explaining the social rules, consequences for bad behavior, rewards for basic good behavior, and special care to be sure he gets enough rest, takes his vitamins (with iron!) and eats a big, balanced meal before he goes that includes protein.  I know all that last part sounds kind of odd, but if he's physically tired or drained, he just has that much shorter a fuse about the whole issue of having to be in school in the first place.

He responds best to a bracing and supportive pep talk on the way to school, telling him that I know he can calm himself, and also naming a treat he gets on the way back if the teacher says he had a good day.  The reward can be anything he likes, from driving home by a certain route so he can see the building with a cow on the top, to a food treat if I think it's appropriate.  He learns just as much on the day when a previously promised treat is not forthcoming (because the teacher had bad news about his behavior) as on a day when he gets the treat, though he *is* very proud on the good days.  It does take persistence and consistency, though.  We've been going through this now for a couple of weeks, after a relatively smooth start for at least his first month that didn't involve any acting out.  I have been getting ready to do IVF again, and I think he's just pretty much on a shorter fuse over the talk he hears around the edges about possibly having a little brother or sister.