Why is my child saying and repeating innappropriate word and phrases over and over?

[mstaffy]

My daughter is 5 and the past month she has started becoming obsessed with potty words. To the point its all she talks about. It started after a new child enrolled who also talks like this, but my daughter just can't seem to stop. I've tried ignoring it but she just keeps saying them. So I tried time outs. She will sit in the time out only to come out and say them again. The words and phrases she likes using are anything related to farting or things you doing on the toilet, talking about pulling down her pants, and private body parts. I would love to take her out of this daycare because up until a month ago my daughter didn't do any of these things but there are no other daycare options. I have talked to the daycare director about my concerns but they are of little help. Why is she doing this and how can I get her to stop? Its so embarrassing I can't even take her out anymore cause she does it in public as well. She's not aggressive, and other than the occasional selective hearing shes a great kid. I'm just lost on what to do. Any help is appreciated.

[margypops]

Children do not suddenly start behaviors like this I would say she has learned it,has she older siblings or family she is with may be saying similar, any teens around babysitters ,and as you have said there is day care.Well it wont stop she is copying others .Maybe a new Day care if you think it comes from there .Have you asked her does any other child at school say those words ,ask her who it is .  

[mstaffy]

She doesn't have siblings, and yes she's learning it from daycare. I have no other daycare options until summer as its the only one by me.

[mstaffy]

I have taken away things and we haven't gone anywhere special cause I've told her we can't go places when she talks like that. Whats the worse is she will repeat the same word or phrase over and over. Like for an hour she will focus on the one word or phrase and nothing anyone can do will stop her from saying it.

[margypops]

Then all you can do is speak again to whoever is running the daycare , check what child your daughter plays mostly with when she is at day care ,and ask if they can be separated . Tell your daughter its not nice to say those words,ask her to find another friend .

[specialmom]

Ugh.  Try the vinegar.  It's worth a shot.  good luck

[margypops]

Speak  firmly to the day care as whoever is telling her this stuff is doing it to other children aswell as your daughter.It should be addressed by the day care .

[specialmom]

Oh, I must have misunderstood.  I thought this had started at daycare and goes on there but is now going on at home as well.  If it is only at daycare, then they will have to address it as punishment way after the fact when you pick her up won't help.  I misread I guess that this happened at home too.  

[specialmom]

In re reading, I do think you should talk to the daycare that this is unacceptable and that she is even talking about pants coming down.  One starts to wonder if the environment is safe.  I'd let them know that this is unacceptable and you would like to not worry that your child's having someone (even an adult) discussing privates with her.  

Then I'd be firm at home to nip it in the bud.  I'd try the vinegar.  

But that comes after you are sure she is safe.  I'd be concerned why she is talking about pulling her pants down.  good luck

[mstaffy]

I agree. I hate this daycare, but I'd hate to pull her and have her be at home with my mom till Sept. She's going to watch her for the summer so I just have to make it till June. I am not having as much problems at home as soon as she starts I stop it. Its mostly at school. Today she told me school is boring and shes tired of it. So now I'm thinking maybe shes acting out cause she is bored. She already knows her alphabet and can write it and counts to 10. Which is what they work on. So it is possible and I talk with the director about it today. That maybe she needs some work given to her that is a little advanced. She miss Kinder cut off by 2 weeks and was really ready last year. But I will try the vinegar.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well that stinks but there is an end in sight if she is to be with your mom in June.  Are you sure she wouldn't be better off with your mom than at this school?  Ugh. But June really will be here soon.  

The vinegar would only work at the time of the offense and if you are already handling it at home, it may not be necessary.  At school, they could do a penny reward system for her immediately stopping if she does it.  Try to engage her with the positive.  

If they do not come up with the advanced work for her, you could get it online and send it in.  Lots of luck and glad she'll be in 'real' school next year and has a better plan than this daycare in the summer.  Peace

[margypops]

It may not be a good idea to make her taste vinegar ..what will you do if she doesnt want to ..force her.. in my opinion it is making a situation worse, instead focus on her positive side and praise her when she is good .Try the reward system its better than this kind of punishment ..good luck  good you are speaking to the school about it ..

[specialmom]

Worked for me like a charm!  In 6 years, each boy has had a tiny taste of vinegar about two times each and we don't have a foul language problem.  Didn't hurt them a bit.  Ha-----------  I'm really mean.  

[margypops]

Perhaps also the school is not stimulating enough for her she says its boring so once she is in Kindergarten all will change. As I said its my opinion that a child being told to taste anything they may not like is not a good idea, I wouldn't make a child eat any food they didn't like,.focus on her positive side reward her for not saying rude words..

[specialmom]

It is not making them eat it.  I put my finger in and swipe their tongue . . . well, the two times each I've done it,  Not toxic and in fact, they eat vinegar pretty frequently in many recipes that I use it in.  II use cider vinegar when I have done it.  It is funny that they eat a recipe I have using cidar vinegar as the base of the dressing but it is the symbolism of being in trouble and getting the miniscule amount on their tongue. Great deterent to foul language and since I've only had to do it a couple of times in several years, I'd say it works great.  But wouldn't work at school for the poster.  More of an 'at home' thing.  My kids don't even call someone stupid as that is on the list of 'bad words'.

[margypops]

We have had many good posts here over the years and  most would say its always best to focus on the positive with children', but if in doubt run it by your doctor see if he thinks its okay .. I have read many times that the reward system works well, its my opinion that a 'Dollop' of vinegar is punishment.  

[specialmom]

Yes, it is punishment.  It is the consequence.  Yep.  But . . . I have no issues with language.  I mean, you do have to have a consequence once in a while.  My doctor said the idea was brilliant but feel free to check with your own.  vinegar is used in food on a regular basis and is not the least bit toxic.  

Luck to all.

[margypops]

Vinegar is a great food very healthy when used as that ..it is not toxic in any way ..but its meant to be used to add pleasure to eating However I digress  she is your child and its your choice ..

[mstaffy]

I have no problem punishing my daughter if it's needed. I think if more parents did we wouldn't have the trouble we have now. As for the potty words, the little friend that taught her the words was not there today and my daughter was an angel. Leading me to believe this new child is the source of the problem. I will just have to deal until June. If it gets too bad I guess I will have to pull her. Up until now I have not had behavior problems with her. So I'm hoping things improve.

[margypops]

well thats good as you say you now know the source of the problem and I think you are right you have to just deal with it, you could ask the teacher to tell the other child not to speak like that , she may listen to the teacher. good luck

[tiredbuthappy]

Kids use potty words. They all do. It's funny to them, and they like the reaction. I do not tell them we can't say those words, because you don't want to confuse them and get them to think that it is not appropriate to discuss concerns or problems with private areas and functions. So here's what I do- it has worked with all of the classes I have had, and am now starting to do it with my 2 year old who thinks poopie is a very funny descriptor that can be tagged on to any verb, noun, etc.

Using the example of poop, I very calmly but firmly say "poop is a bathroom word. We use bathroom words in the bathroom. You may go in to the bathroom" That serves as the first warning- establishing the rule. The child will inevitably use the word again shortly after. I say "poop is a bathroom word. If you need to say it, go in to the bathroom." Any time after that the child says the word, I gently escort them to the bathroom and tell them they can talk about poop in there. They may leave whenever they want, but that is where we have bathroom words. The kids are usually very confused by this, but it stops the behavior. It also reinforces that words aren't "bad", but there is an appropriate context for them. So now whenever I hear someone say "poop" all I have to ask is who needs to use the bathroom and the word disappears from the discussion.

[specialmom]

Oh, I hate that when a 'new' child comes in with bad things that rub off.  I'd point this out to the teacher and at the very least, maybe they can seperate the two a bit.  Glad she had a good day.  And yes, we are on the same page that kids do have to have consequences at times.  Doesn't mean you don't love but part of the parenting process.  good luck and let us know how it goes.

[specialmom]

Oh, and I just wanted to say too that one thing that concerns me is her talk of her privates and pants coming down.  I would definately mention THAT discussion to the school again.