Should I be worried about my son?

[ambrella101]

My son is 5 y/o and is displaying some behavioral traits I'm quite concerned about. I am wondering whether some are just typical 5 y/o pushing the boundaries type traits or if its something requiring attention from a specialist.

Faecal incontinence- He was toilet trained around 2 years of age. In the past year or so, he has been incontinent of faeces on numerous occasions. When I ask why he didn't go to the toilet, he'll reply "I didn't feel like going to the toilet" or "I wanted to keep playing instead". After we get him cleaned up, he's very ashamed and will regret his actions, but he'll do it again days or weeks later.

Excitability- When we have visitors, he gets excited to the point of being very hyperactive. He will jump on top of people, start playing quite rough, even after he's been told not to. He will interrupt conversation by yelling over the top of people and it'll be made up words or sentences which are just random words. He will run about the house, throw toys, generally do everything in his power in order to be centre of attention, even if the attention is negative.

I'm also concerned about the amount of prompting and reminding my son requires to carry out routine tasks. I will ask him to go do something, eg brush his teeth. He'll go to the bathroom, get the toothbrush and five minutes later when I go and check on him, he hasn't even begun to brush! Getting him ready for school can be quite the ordeal- there are times I've given him a simple task, let just say handed him the lunch box and told him to put it in his bag, and he's put it on his bed. I'll find it and ask why its not in his bag and he'll go "oh yeah I forgot". Or you have to ask him half a dozen time to put his shoes on. We dont have the tv on in the mornings and he's not allowed to play with his toys, so the amount of distraction is quite minimal.

At school, my son refuse to do certain activities because he would rather do something else, even though the class is doing that one activity. The teacher will try to convince him to participate with the rest of the classroom but he'll refuse and demand to do something else. Of course the teacher doesn't comply with his demands and insists he does what everyone else is doing. He'll show his defiance by doing a poor job of it, sometimes even to the point of hurting himself.

At home he will be quite defiant towards me, sometimes the threat of punishment isn't enough to "snap him out of it". He will answer back, yell and there's no use giving him time out, he wont stay in his room or in a corner.

There are more examples but I think they are the key issues. I am a firm but fair mother, if he acts up, he is punished. He's a lovely boy and is the most loving lil man I know but sometimes he frustrates the hell out of me. If there is something wrong, I'd like to have it addressed but I wonder whether he's just behaving like a typical 5 y/o boy and with boundaries and discipline, he'll learn better behaviour patterns.

[benjimom]

Yes, you might ask your pedatrician.  About the having bowel movements in his pants, I would mention that to the pediatrician as well.  Did something happen around the time he regressed to doing that.  Kids go through so many "stages", sometimes it can make us feel we are going crazy!!  My son is like that too and some think he has ADHD in regards to not wanting to do things he does not like.  THings like visitors too can cause xtra excitement.  My son used to be worse he has improved. He's five now too.  This is a tough age, four and five, I wonder how six will be...  My son usually does what I tell him to do.  But sometimes if he does not like someone he will not do what they say and htat's bothersome.   Try to keep things as positive as possible.  Negativity makes it worse and it's easy to get into that cycle, I think a lot of educators do that.  

[mammo]

A friend of mine is raising her grandson (he's 6) who has an attention deficit disorder.  She has complained of many of the same things as you. He was diagnosed with this at 4, and has come along way.  I would have your son evaluated just to be on the safe side, the sooner you catch this the better.  It sounds like you're a wonderful mother, and he is disciplined.  Your son is easily distracted and this is from lack of concentration.  Talk to his pediatrician about this and go from there. Take care.

[Julie359]

Ok there could be several things going on here and even maybe a few happening at the same time.

Firstly you said this behaviour with soiling his underware started roughly a yr ago, try to think back to this point when it started, did something happen around this time, anything big or small?  Was this the time he started school or playgroup for example, did something happen within the home? Children normally start to soil and wet themselves when they are extremely worried or when they are totally engaged in their activity and forget to go.  Also what is his stools like, are they normal or soft in texture?  As if they are soft maybe he is having trouble retaining the stool and he is passing it before he has had a chance to reach the toilet.  In some children the muscles of the rectual opening are so strong that even a normal stool passes too quickly and so they continue to have accidents.  Regarding this issue you could try a couple of things to see if they help.   While at home actually set a time frame of when he will go to the toilet.... this will serve two functions,  first it will help him to get into a habit of going to the toilet (as you said he doesn't like the toilet) and will end any fear he has developed over it and so encourage him to poo in the right place.  So for example after each meal, send him off to the toilet, during a long period of play stop him half way through and instruct him to go.... and do not take his NO as an answer.  You could encourage him to do this by making a reward chart, so for each day that he stays clean he gets a big shinny star on the chart and when he does have an accident he doesn't get a sticker.  Add them all up at the end of the week and then you can give him a choice of rewards.... anything from going to the shop and buying a toy to taking him over the park or ball pit and letting him run riot.  

Regarding your son's lack of concentration, i have found that it can be due to something or things in their diet, children consume a great amount of E numbers and artifical additives, preservatives etc and in my daughter it turned out to be wheat products that caused a great lack of concentration.  I would start by cutting down dramatically his sugar intake, be it from sweets, cereals, crisps, drinks even like that famous blackcurrent drink, full of sugars.  Instead let him have pure fruit juices but to prevent him from getting an upset tummy, dilute the fruit juice in water like a coridal, so one part juice and two parts water.  Also, to help his concentration a very good supplement for him would be Omega 3 fish oil.  This will encourage brain development and aid him immensly with his behaviour, school work etc.... Have a look for the kiddies supplement in your local health store, i gaurentee it will help, you should start to see improvements after a couple of weeks with this supplement and with the other things i have mentioned.  Then as he will be more clamer you will feel more in control to impliement the naughty step when he does step out of line and be more of a success.

Whatever you decide to do, i do hope this all gets cleared up soon and you can pm me anytime. Good-luck Julie