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Grandma isn´t helping
Hi everyone, today I had a situation where I have to write or I´ll go crazy. Me, my 4 y.o. boy, my 6 mo. old baby girl and my mom spend a lot of time together, it´s just that sometimes she is a little uncooperative with me as in supporting my role as a mother.
She does absolutely love the kids, and she tries to help me by inviting the older child over to sleep and caring for him for a while in the morning. It´s just that when we´re together she provokes the older kid as in taking toys away or favorite objects. The older kid obviously screams, since he´s mad and wakes up the baby girl, who in turn, wakes up frantic by the screaming. This happened twice during the day, once after I had finally put the baby to sleep after half an hour of rocking, offering the pacifier and then finally another bottle. I was so furious and so exhausted that I left the place where we were having lunch.
Another thing is that she doesn´t back me up when trying to discipline the kids. For example today my boy wanted to dress by himself but with a terrible color combination. All the time I teach him to choose his clothes but wear something acceptable, something that matches.. My mother will let him wear one tennis shoe and on the other foot another kind of shoe like a croc for example. I don´t think it´s right for him to go out like that. How can I deal? What do you think?
She does absolutely love the kids, and she tries to help me by inviting the older child over to sleep and caring for him for a while in the morning. It´s just that when we´re together she provokes the older kid as in taking toys away or favorite objects. The older kid obviously screams, since he´s mad and wakes up the baby girl, who in turn, wakes up frantic by the screaming. This happened twice during the day, once after I had finally put the baby to sleep after half an hour of rocking, offering the pacifier and then finally another bottle. I was so furious and so exhausted that I left the place where we were having lunch.
Another thing is that she doesn´t back me up when trying to discipline the kids. For example today my boy wanted to dress by himself but with a terrible color combination. All the time I teach him to choose his clothes but wear something acceptable, something that matches.. My mother will let him wear one tennis shoe and on the other foot another kind of shoe like a croc for example. I don´t think it´s right for him to go out like that. How can I deal? What do you think?
You´re right and thank you for following my posts and for all your support. I totally agree with "it is what it is". Yesterday, I think I totally made my point by leaving. She later called me and told me that she wants to see me happy, we talked about her having to support me. I know that everything could resolve by avoiding each other´s company, it´s just that I want to have a healthy relationship.
She listens to what my dad says all the time, and he is a great example for my son, who loves him and respects him very much. I´m going to try to make her listen through my dad´s voice.
I´m a young mom trying to give my best, thank you for everything.
She listens to what my dad says all the time, and he is a great example for my son, who loves him and respects him very much. I´m going to try to make her listen through my dad´s voice.
I´m a young mom trying to give my best, thank you for everything.
About the behavior I could expect it. Yes she does taunt him sometimes for no oapparent reason. This time was because he had been verbally rude to her, once, the other for no apparent reason. But her reacions, which taunt him are odd. It´s like she will take away the band aid that he´s wearing to cover a little cut and the child instead of crying starts screaming.
She gives him a kiss when he doesn´t want to, knowing he´ll probably react like that. Or hugs him too hard. My son is aggressive, but my mother just pushes him. My son is not calm when he is with her (at times). He screams a lot when he´s with her, as if to say "back off". He loves her, don´t get me wrong and is close to both my parents, but she´s just a bit too much.
I was putting the baby to nap in her stroller cause we weren´t home. We were all having lunch at my own grandma´s house.
She gives him a kiss when he doesn´t want to, knowing he´ll probably react like that. Or hugs him too hard. My son is aggressive, but my mother just pushes him. My son is not calm when he is with her (at times). He screams a lot when he´s with her, as if to say "back off". He loves her, don´t get me wrong and is close to both my parents, but she´s just a bit too much.
I was putting the baby to nap in her stroller cause we weren´t home. We were all having lunch at my own grandma´s house.
I'm having a little bit of a hard time following your story, I don't understand why you were rocking your baby for a half our and putting her down for a nap while you were out to lunch, but if your mother is taking things away from your 4 year old and taunting him for no reason (as opposed to taking a toy away that he is banging on the table or trying to break, for example) she is acting more like a sibling than a grandma.
Has she always been a little 'off'? Is this behavior a surprise - or did you kind of expect it based on your experience with her?
Has she always been a little 'off'? Is this behavior a surprise - or did you kind of expect it based on your experience with her?
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It could be worse, it could be better, but "it is what it is"
It sounds like she does react to what he does. Maybe you can convince her to ignore the little things. Sometimes by not providing whats called negative reinforcement - you ignore the attention getting stuff - it helps.
And, of course, she may be doing what everybody in her culture does - which makes it very hard for her to change and you to change her. Which comes back to, "it is what it is."