My son is now 20 years old and working as an apprentice electrician and living at home.
My son was a lovely caring, pleasant caring wee boy, with boundaries put in place within the home environment, and he was never a spoilt child. As soon as he went to the high school, he turned into a monster over night, and he’s a bad tempered, horrible, selfish boy.
At weekends he is binge drinking, taking cannabis, legal highs, illegal highs, cocaine and ecstasy, which has resulted admission into a high dependency hospital ward, at age 16, fighting for his life. But this did not stop him, as over the years things have got worse, he started fighting, getting in trouble with the police which has resulted in him been charged several times. I believe he is an extreme risk taker.
Without drink and drugs he is an extremely lovely pleasant, respectable young man and keen to do well in his career (which he is holding on to with a bit of thread). He knows what his triggers are (drink and drugs). But wont stop, He tells me he doesn’t do many drugs now, which I don’t believe and is very open that he just started smoking cannabis daily.
Now age 20, and on a night out and under the influence of drink and drugs, he got into yet another fight resulting in a very serous assault causing injury of a broken arm to his victim. He was then placed into police custody the whole week end till he appeared in court on a Monday... When realised on bail, he appeared so upset about what he had done to his victim. He still is awaiting his punishment for this crime.
During his time on bail he was caught being slightly over the influence (57mg) of alcohol, again resulting in him being in police custody for another weekend then released to face court.
However following the next weekend, he got drunk and stole someone’s bike to get somewhere quick, but later returned it.
Then the following week after that, when I was so fortunate to get a hold of him in the early hours of the morning (4am) because I had a gut feeling once again something was terribly wrong, I found him so drunk slumped on a railway bridge. He had taken a cocktail of drugs including ecstasy, which gave him bad hallucinations for the first time, making he so tearful and wanting to throw himself off this bridge , because he doesn’t think life going to be worth living, he said these hallucinations have freak him out and he will never take ecstasy again (I DON’T BELIVE THIS). He expressed his regret and explained he is as sorry to us as parents for all the hurt and trouble he has caused us. He said he needs to change his life he tired of it and fed up being in trouble (I so want to believe this) however I believe he was under the influence of ecstasy when he expressed this to us, he even gave his dad a cuddle which is abnormal emotion for him to show towards his dad as they haven’t been speaking for months because of his behaviour. .
We are loving parents and make a lot of time for him, he has no other siblings. He is a very strong minded character, our son has almost destroyed our marriage due to his behaviour but we will always support him but not his behaviour.
At weekends I am on a knife edge, I can’t sleep because I worry about what he’s doing, i.e., if he’s in jail or hurting someone or being hurt by someone, or if he drunk and under the influence of drugs. He won’t text me to reassure me or pick up his phone at the weekends which make me so extremely anxious now resulting in me having palpitations. I have told him about how he makes me feel. But he just tells me to get a grip and to stop worrying and to trust him.
We have managed to keep this away from his boss as they would instantly sack him and his app
Now his latest assault charge is in the local papers and is ripping the family apart. I am so worried his bosses are going to find out. I am embarrass and terrified for him. His moods have become very low over this case, he know this is all his own doing and I feel his cannabis intake has increased.
I feel I am about to have a nervous break down but managing ‘JUST TO’ hold on, for his sake, we feel we have done every thing we can to help him, i.e. counselling, which he only done once and refuses to now engage ( because he knows it all) . We tried being supportive, staying calm, getting mad, thrown him out, and on and on, and its so hard seeing your son almost destroying one self.
I feeling I am always on his case all the time and I try to stop the nagging and try to trust him but it always back fires , I am so terrified I am going to loose him to the justices system or he looses his apprenticeship which finishes in 5mths time, or he ends up dead. He also has drug debt.
Any suggestions would be grateful I also realise I am not the only parent going through this. I live in the UK.