8 year old girl that acts weird

[TexasMama2girls]

Hello, I have an almost 8 year old girl, (her birthday is in April)...who acts very strange around other children. It is almost as if she gets nervous around them, and then she just acts odd and she tells lies. I do not understand why she does this!!! She says that no one likes her and that she has few friends. Well, I can tell her why........she acts strange, of course in reality I would never tell her that. However I worry so much about it. She is into art and music and I know she is really smart, but she suffers from trouble with reading and therefore has other issues with other subjects, but that is improving considerably so I do not think that is the problem. Lets just say she is NOTHING like my husband and I so we do not know what to do with her. She plays softball and she is in girl scouts, she LOVES both of them, but the other girls in both groups sorta look at her funny and do not really include her completely because of how nervous and weird she gets around them. The other odd thing she does is lie. She lies about the silliest things or she flat makes things up, as if she is looking for their approval. I have watched her meet new kids and they are always eager to say Hi and meet and stuff, until she starts the nervous behavior and her voice gets strange........she cannot look at them in the face, she puts her hands backward on her waset, she fidgets and then she spits out these lil white lies. She is not like this all the time, I swear it!  At home she is just fine, it is ONLY around other children. Does she have low self esteem or something? How can I help her?  PLEASE HELP ME!!

[Hmllp]

Hi Texas mom. There's nothing unusual about your child that is in dire need of therapy. It's normal. My daughter does the exact same thing only she is almost 11. She acts just as you said your daughter does. when she's in front of other kids as well as some adults, she gets anxious and does weird things such as saying random things that don't have anything to do with the conversation especially around kids that are new to her. She's immature and it does show, some kids accept her don't, that's the way life works. There's always going to be good people and there's always going to be bad people, that's why we have to appreciate the friends we do have., That's what I teach her. As far as I'm aware she doesn't lie to other children, she does lie to adults mainly teachers about little things like yes she wrote homework down or yes she understands a subject almost as if she was afraid to get in trouble by asking for the directions again. Perhaps your daughter is also experiencing social anxiety as mine is.   Once she gets to know kids for a while she's fine.

[Sally44]

If it is a self esteem and confidence thing I would also get her involved in things around her interests that is highly structured.  For example, joining something like a climbing club can boost their confidence because they do things where they have to conquer their fear (whilst always being attached to a piece of rope - so it is quite safe).  It is also highly structured, so she is doing something and not having to think about talking to the other children.  These clubs also tend to have a wide age range, which I think is also good to see children and adults doing something together, so you don't tend to get the cliquey feel you get in some other types of clubs.

[TexasMama2girls]

Well, I considered that as well. She actually does GREAT with other kids at home, her cousins and her sister and our family friends children. She does really well with boys too, even though she is not a tomboy at all, I should have said before in my original posting that this really seems to be around new little girls. I personally think it is a self esteem issue, and I think a psychologist will be helpful in confirming that. I am a student at a University in Texas and I sent an email of the same basic nature to my psych department head. She thinks my daughter is comparing herself to the other girls, or that perhaps she has at some point been teased by girls at school, and therefore has some self confidence issues and that since at this age the boys and girls are still not really noticing each other in a "special" way, and they will play with just about anyone, she just sorta weaves right in with them. Plus we have NO girls on our street except her and her sister and about 14 little boys. When I say ODD behavior, well, I do not know exactly how to describe it, she does not do anything emensly ODD, she just does not act like herself and she does get very nervous and figity. The head of the psych department at school did forward me some wonderful articles on childhood dishonesty and to my comfort it seems as though it is not completely abnormal and infact quite common in girls who have low self esteem or self confindence, one article referred to it as a coping strategy; she is trying to make them like her..........at any rate, we are fortunate to have wonderful insurance and I do think I will take her to the psychologist if for no other reason than she may tell them more about what is happening at school, IF infact someone is teasing her or making her feel badly. I am hoping they will also be able to help me to help her feel good and confidend in herself!!!

[Sally44]

I would take her to the paediatrician and explain what is happening and ask for a referal to a clinical psychologist who has experience of childhood development disorders and anxiety disorders.  This maybe a social anxiety type of thing, or she may have traits of aspergers or something totally different.  But I think a psychologist will help you get to the bottom of it.
To help with social stuff, you could try arranging play dates at home with just one child at a time.  She seems to cope better one to one rather than in big group situations.
Some children can take it the step further and some have selective mutism in social and school situations.
Is she able to socialise and play okay at home with people?  If she can, then it would seem to be more of an anxiety based disorder.
So I wouldn't ignore it,