how+i+turned+out+this+way

Please+excuse+plus+signs.my+phone+causes+them.Growin+up+i+was+treated+badly.never+physically+abused+but+bad+mental+abuse.its+even+that+way+now+at+age+20.my+father+never+gave+me+freedom.he+shows+a+look+of+disgust+even+today+if+he+disagrees+with+what+i+do.i+always+got+lectured+and+fussed+at+over+everything.even+when+i+got+hurt+playing+outside+or+if+i+wasnt+perfect+at+baseball.i+weighed+70++pounds+at+age+8+and+got+hit+with+a+baseball+and+cried+and+my+dad+calld+me+weak+and+told+me+i+needed+to+go+home+and+watch+the+rugrats.id+get+scolded+and+still+do+today+if+i+do+anything+differently+than+him.what+i+want+to+know+is.did+growing+up+like+this+make+me+the+nervous+wreck+i+am+today.+I+am+so+afraid+if+sumone+gets+upset+with+me.if+sumone+wants+to+fight+or+even+fuss+at+me.i+start+trembling+and+my+heart+starts+pounding.+did+all+the+mental+abuse+make+me+this+way.

[supermomma531]

I think that whatever you have suffered from throughout your life has had an effect on you today. The only real way to get around is probably through therapy and a lot of self help from your self. You have to remember that the only person you have to please is yourself. You need to gain a lot of good self esteem.Also too, whenever you are ready, try talking to your dad and see why he has been so hard on you but this may take a while or you may never find out, depending on the circumstances.From what you have said in you entry, it does sound like mental abuse was inflicted upon you throughout your life but there comes a point in time when you have to be willing to let things go and start with a clean slate for your life. Whatever grudges you may hold against people who did you wrong in your life, you have to be able to forgive them to feel at peace for yourself. Clearing your conscience is a must. If you carry this anger with you your whole life, it will destroy you in every way possible! I'm sorry if I sound cruel or mean but I'm just being honest. I've been there and done that. I hope this helps you out tremendously. Take care and have a good day.

[pittfan17]

It+does+make+since+and+if+i+can+learn+to+c+it+that+way+itll+help.thanx

[margypops]

Reading your post it sounds to me like he was a tough abusive  parent ,do you still live with him, I think you are dwelling on this and rehashing it, it is in the past its time to try to accept it happened and get by it, so when your thoughts return  to what happened in your childhood, give yourself a few mins then switch the thoughts , focus on the positive things happening in your life, not the negative, it does work and it becomes a habit..'Its impossible to experience any negative feeling without first creating a negative corresponding thought.The truth is, our thinking will always create the real;ity we perceive "  that is from a really good little book by Richard Carlson called 'Slowing down to the Speed of life " good luck .

[adgal]

I also grew up in a less then ideal home.  Like you there was no physical abuse, but there was a lot of mental and emotional trauma.  I was in foster care for a while and things just weren't great.

I spent a lot of years angry and hurting.  It affected everything..my ability to have a good relationship, friendships, everything.  I finally reached a decision.  I have no control over the past.  I cannot change it, and I was just a kid, so couldn't do anything about it.  But I decided that I could control my future.  I could spend my life being angry and miserable, and probably get away with blaming it all on my childhood.  I mean, it really was pretty lousy.  The best thing that ever happened to me was when I took control back.  I sought help, got therapy and worked really hard on making sure my future was a good one.  I have forgiven my parents and today have a really good relationship with them. I am happily married, have a child I absolutely adore and a carreer that is very satisfying.  But it was all my choice.  It was hard work, but I did it and you can too.  I urge you to seek counselling now, and take control of your life.  

[pittfan17]

Thank+u+all+very+much.to+margypops.thats+a+very+good+quote+and+can+probably+help+me+out+alot.to+adgal.its+glad+to+hear+sumone+who+relates+instead+of+just+hearing+sumone+say+get+over+it+lol

[pittfan17]

But+i+did+4get+one+thing.my+problem+with+this+abuse+is+that+it+still+goes+on.i+get+criticized+for+my+friendships.relationships.my+taste+in+music.just+anything+he+sees+differently+i+get+scolded+like+a+puppy+4.+And+his+temper+is+so+bad+that+i+really+dont+want+to+say+somethin+to+him+and+get+yelled+at+and+cursed+out

[margypops]

Dont concern your self with his criticism ,stay away from him ,if he is a bully steer clear ..