is my brother gay?

[surraw]

I had my 12 year old brother spend the night and my boyfriend told me he thinks he's a little off. I ask him how...he said while we took him out to lunch he was playing footsy with him under the table? He said he was doing it for a while and while it was happening he told me out loud..."your brothers playing footsy with me" as a joke I thought. then he asked me to switch him seats cuz he thought it was weird so I did. I guess later when we were playing scrabble my brother was randomly poking my boyfriend in the butt crack?   I didn't realize or even see any of this happen... that even makes me even more weirded out? My boyfriend grew up with 2 brothers and hadn't in countered this weird of stuff. Can I do anything  to guide my brother in the non gay direction? Cuz if he's flirting with my boyfriend I am going to through upp!

[ku111]

I am assuming you are old enough to be out of the house to have your brother spend the night.  I think 12 yr old boys like to pick on people and I know my own son does this to my older son's friends.  I could see him playing footsy's to get attention or to be annoying, especially if he wasn't center of attention.  I don't think that him picking on your boyfriend would tell you for sure if he is gay.  He is who he is and should be loved for whoever he is.  I don't think you can change him but only be supportive.  You might want to ask him when you are alone why he was picking on your boyfriend.

[surraw]

I will ask him that and tell you what he says. What if I have another little brother at my parents and I felt before that my 12 year old brother was messing around inapropriatly? My six year old brother doesn't want my brother to touch him? When I lived there I would always tell my brother to leave him alone and the youger one always expressed that he was releaved. Another thing my sisters ex boyfriend said he caught him doing inappropriate things with my neice a while ago. I have been bothered by this child and the things he does for years. Is this normal I am scared   for these kids being scarred for their lives!

[margypops]

You know all kids seem to do this kind of thing play around especially boys, I wouldn't read much into it, men definatly fool around more than women in my opinion , wrestling and rough housing .I doubt it has much meaning ..

[ku111]

Now, that is different.  If you feel your brother is touching inappropriately then you need to tell your parents.  Sometimes this is common in puberty but they need to know what is appropriate and what is not.  No child should fear being touched.  Has anyone said to an adult about his "inappropriate" with your niece?  He may not know that this is not ok or that it is common during puberty to have these feeling but he can't do what he is doing.  

[margypops]

Sorry I didnt spot the bit about the niece then in that case Ku is correct and speaking to your parents would be the best way to go,as that is inappropiate .  

[adgal]

Being gay is not the same thing as innappropriate touching.  I agree, if that is the case, then your parents need to be informed.  I also agree with the rest of the posters that most of his actions (ie around your boyfriend, etc. are pretty normal 12 year old boy stuff).

If he is gay, then he is.  There isn't anything that can be done about it and to attempt to do so can really hurt a young man's self esteem.  He is who he is.  All the best.

[surraw]

I have told my parents before they don't believe me I just feel like he's is out of control
I invite him over and spend time with him cuz he is always at home I know he doesn't know how to act

[margypops]

Nothing you can do then except keep an eye on him if your parents do not see it ..

[ku111]

This is a great opportunity for you to role model for him, talk to him about right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate.  I am glad he has you!  You just might be the person he confides and looks up to the most.

[skepticalpeach]

If your parents won't listen to you I would definitely take the opportunity to talk to him yourself. He's 12 and old enough to understand what you say to him. He's also old enough to know that there are certain rules he has to follow when he is at your place. There is nothing wrong with being gay and there isn't anything you can do to stop that from happening if he is. Also straight people touch each other inappropriately too, it's nothing unique to homosexuals.

Just calmly tell him he needs to stop touching your boyfriend. Get straight to the point and be firm. It doesn't really matter why he's doing it (he's probably just teasing him), he just needs to stop. Good luck!

[MR_]

Being gay is okay. Touching people without their consent is not. It amazes me how many people on this website are more concerned with someone being homoramantic than with the violations.

It makes you all look very suspect.