Sensory Disorder? ADD? Unsure what's going on.

[Catherine84]

My seven year old stepdaughter is a precious, physically healthy young girl; however, I am beginning to suspect something is very wrong emotionally/socially. I have observed her strange behaviors grow worse over the past year.  Physically, she has issues with touch, but they are completely contradictory:  she hates wearing underwear, pants, socks, even certain blankets at night...she says they hurt her and she seems extremely uncomfortable - even in pain - when she is forced to wear them.  On the other hand, she does not seem to understand physical boundaries.  She cannot seem to get enough hugs, kisses, or physical contact from her father and me - which, don't get me wrong, is perfectly fine with me, just comes into play as a problem which I will explain later - and she cannot seem to do anything to herself that hurts. She will dance wildly, running into things, crashing into me, her father, and walls, tables - you name it.  It has seriously hurt us and her, and she seems to not care.  She still wants to be held, which my husband does nothing to stop, even though it's beginning to cause him physical problems.  She never sleeps more than 3 hours in a row without getting up, nor does she seem to run out of energy.  It's like she's trying to get it out but can't.

As for her social development, she seems very behind kids her age - to me.  I teach high schoolers, so I'm pretty aware of the importance of proper social development.  She seems to want friends, and often asks for sleepovers, but when she has them, I've observed some problems.  While she gets VERY excited to have friends over, once a girl is over, she will ignore her - she either wants to play her own game, dance wildly (which scares us, because we don't want this other girl to get hurt), or cuddle with us to the point of embarrassing herself (though she doesn't seem to get this...).  In fact, she'll kiss us over and over and over while her friends watch, surprised.  She's sometimes hit friends (always accidentally) when they play, but then doesn't seem to empathize at all.  She either giggles or stares, and apologizes quickly at our prompting.

I apologize for such a long entry; however, it could be MUCH longer.  There are so many oddities that concern me, but maybe I'm just not getting it?  Maybe this is normal?  Maybe there are clear cut signs of a disorder?  Should we see a doctor?  Could it just be a discipline thing?  While I hesitate to think this, because she seems to have such a sweet disposition for the most part, I do know my husband and her mother do not discipline her much at all, and there is very little consistency or routine.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks!

[specialmom]

Sounds very sensory to me.  I have a darling son that has this developmental delay.  We've had really fantastic luck with some things I can share with you if you are interested.  My son had a lot of issues with school enviroments as well as the things you mentioned and he really is doing great.  Sensory is diagnosed by an occupational therapist.  It is best to go to one that specializes in kids with sensory.  Sometimes insurance will pay for it or a portion of it and there are government grants that can help too.  Schools usually have ot's and a good public school has what they call a sensory room.  But honestly, the majority of the stuff that helps my son is what we do on a daily basis.  He turned 6 this week and we've been working on it since he was 4. I'll give you a list of some ideas . . . tomorrow . . . happy new year!

[specialmom]

Okay, post new years eve-----  I am in a little better frame of mind to try to help--lol.  Anyway, the issues with feeling/touch you describe are very sensory related.  It is part of the tactile system and can be very tricky for a child with a dysfuncional sensory system.  This is part of the nervous system that is responsible for sending  messages to various parts of the body from the brain-----  the signal can be wrong or incomplete or both at different times.  My son has some tactile issues as well.  He will NOT wear his socks in the house.  We live in cold weather and I used to try----- but realized it bothered him enough that it wasn't worth it.  He will wear his socks with his shoes------  but if shoes come off, so do those socks.  He also has a strong aversion at times to getting his hands wet.  We dealt with it and just in the past week it has come back.  He doesn't want to was his hands and actually curls his hands up a lot of the time in a defensive way.  He is tactilly defensive.  He also doesn't like tags (easy enough----  many things come tagless these days or I cut them out), he doesn't like high neck things (no turtle necks then), doesn't like  his hair brushed (we use a spray on detangler that makes it bearable and never forget conditioner in bath), etc.  BUT----  he is also a sensory seeker.  That means he also craves things like playing in water sometimes.  Makes no sense but such is the nature of sensory.  Two things that are seemingly opposing can exist.  Sensory seeking behavior also includes when my son desires to wrestle anything and anyone around him.  He likes to throw himself on the ground, he bumps into everything, he is constant crazy motion.  He has trouble with social cues and we've worked really hard to teach him about this.  Etc.  Sound familiar?

So what we do----- for the sensory seeking stuff (gets my kid in lots of trouble and he really can't help it-----   his brain is directing him to get that extra input anyway it can and sends out signals for him to do it)----  we provide opportunities for it.  He wants deep pressure-----  we play games with pillows.  We pile lots of pillows (from couch and anywhere) and he will climb through it and while he does, we gently press.  We build a sandwhich by placing pillows on top of him and gently pressing.  He has to move the pillows around himself as that is "heavy work" which is required to regulate sensory.  We roll an excercise balll over him calling it steam roller.  We do a wheelbarrow walk around the house (my son is going to be in the olympics for the wheelbarrow walk contest at this point!), we do animal walks like crab, snake, bear, leap frog, etc.  He pushes a heavy laundry basket across the floor or carries a bag of groceries or books for me.  He plays hard-----  running, jumping, swinging, skipping, rolling, climbing.  I play games with him to get him going and keep him going.  Trampolines are excellent as is swimming.  Really, any sport would be good-----  my niece loves soccer and she is 7.  Give her a piece of thick bubble gum to chew if she needs to be calm and focased-----  right before a friend gets there for example.  Interact with her on these play dates-----  help facilitate it.  Do a craft with them, get them started in a game together, bake some cookies -----you are just going to have to be involved until she gets the hang of it.  You guide her.  Talk to her about the kissing----  and come up with a signal that you can give her to stop.  It sounds like a nervous thing.  You may think that being so involved with her playdate is something she is too old for------  her friends will LOVE it.  Kids that age still love playing and being with and talking to parents.  You'll be the favorite mom of the group for sure (and dad will be too----  not to leave him out of this).  I'd role play with her on social things. It isn't coming natural so you have to guide her through.  My son actually went to a social skills camp last summer in which learning to be a good friend was the whole focas.   It was run by an occupational therapist group.  
I do think something like girlscouts would be good for her too-----  it is a meeting in which they are doing something and not just free playing----  so she will interact in a controlled way and build relationships that way.  
I'd giver her all the physical play she desires at home.  She has a need for it for the nervous system to feel better.  Then she will be less likey to do it outside the home.  
For tactile defensiveness-----  we do something called brushing with joint compressions.  You can learn about this on line but occupational therapists teach you how to do it and provide the brush.  You could talk to the counselor at school about your concerns and she/he could maybe talk to the district or school ot that can teach you and help you find the brush.  It is easy to do and fast.   And my son's tactile things went away for about two years and just came back a little.  The other thing they do is exposure.  If she doesn'tlike goopy things-----  in small doses they put their hands in it.  Anyway, hope that helps and let me know if you need any  more ideas.  Good luck.