kindergarten behavior

[kbp68]

My 5 year old son is in kindergarten.  He attended preschool/daycare for 3 years.  He is very bright however his teacher complains that he doesn't follow directions and sends him to the principal's office.  By the time he gets to the office he forgets why he was sent there.  What can I do?  I feel that the teacher should be more proactive and immediate in discipline in the class room. He tells me often that "Mrs. Blank was mad at me".  What/where if any can I find in the way of reseach that will help me figure a course of action.  I don't want to be 'one those parents' but the school year is just in its second week and already this is becoming an issue.  PLEASE HELP

[specialmom]

Okay---------- I am confused. Following directions is different than being disruptive.  Is he able to say-------- finish a project at school by listening to the instructions and completing it?  Or is it more that he is disruptive and the directions are things like "don't hit Sally or we don't sing during circle time?"  

Kindergarten is a huge transitional year for kids.  My kids both attended preschool and it is a lot of fun!  Kindergarten is still really fun but a little bit different.  Some things are mandatory where as they might have been more of a choice in preschool.  Some kids have a difficult time in this new enviroment.  Is your son in half day kinder or full day?  Did he just turn 5 so he is young in the class (summer birthday?)?  These questions are important for figuring out why he is having trouble adjusting.

I agree that his teacher does not sound empathetic or patient and that would make me quite upset for that first year of "real" school.  But I think that I, as a parent, would also be trying to get to the root of the problem.  Just switching classes may help . . . but then again, if there is more going on---------- the problem will follow.  

Things to think about---------- kids starting kindergarten and 1st grade tend to be really really tired.  Behavior is worse then---------- so make sure he is getting a bit of extra sleep with an earlier bedtime.  An extra 15 minutes or half hour can help.  Second, and this is really important---------  a way to help with focus and behavior in school (and I'm reading between the lines that this is what is happening in class)----  is to provide lots of physical activity for a child outside of school.  Make sure your son is running, climbing, jumping, riding his bike, swimming, kicking a soccer ball, doing karate, ---- etc. after school.  There is a direct link to physical activity and behavior in school.  

I'd get friendly with the principal.  I've recently not been thrilled with mine and wanted to confront her about some things and someone (very smart) talked me down.  I'm so glad he did as it would not have been helpful to go in guns blazing. You can voice concerns and advocate for your child but remember-------- your child has a lot of years left in this school.  So just do it in a way that is productive vs. screaming (which I know you won't but I as in me as in I was ready to do so about 2 weeks ago!!)

I'd start signing up to volunteer in that class so you can see first hand what is going on as well.  

I hope it settles down and your son has a good first school experience overall.  I always want my kids to really like school and being in trouble all  of the time makes that difficult.  Good luck  (it is hard sending our babies off without all of "this" kind of stuff on top of it.)

[allmymarbles]

Maybe his teacher does not like him. It happens. It happened with my son one year when he was about seven. I got him out of that class and into another. No problems.

[kbp68]

add on:  the teacher was on the other end of the pick up line about 60 yards from where the principal was when he spoke to my husband.

[kbp68]

Thanks everyone!  i appreciate your input.  I have already thought of changing his teacher in the event that a meeting is nonproductive.  She is in fact only in her second year of teaching, however she is middleaged, doesn't 'have' to work but decided that she wanted to do something and here we are.  Interesting note: yesterday while waiting in the pick up line my husband happened to be stopped next to the principal ( a real stand up guy) he mentioned to my husband that our son had gone to his office that day and that he spoke firmly to him and then kind of chuckled.  My husband replied that he appreciated his time and that we were sorry that he had to see him in the office.  Principal stated  oh it's alright they all just need to get adjusted and readjusted.  THEN my son's teacher leaned into the car and very dramatically stated that "there's just has to be something done he just will not follow directions will you come in to talk about this". My husband was very irritated by her behavior.  if this is how she acts toward the parents how is she coming off to the kids? grrrrr

[Sandman2]

Ummmm, how do I put this diplomatically.  
   Well, I am sure all elementary school principals do things differently, but if my kindergarten teacher was sending a child to me after only two weeks - I would be either quite upset with her or on the phone to the parent.  In my opinion, its not done. Furthermore, it simply is (as you have found out) ineffective.  And you are definitely correct in that her actions need to be more immediate and proactive - but as the other posters have mentioned, there could be other things going on.
  You need to have a meeting with her to find out what is going on.  You also need to realize that there is very little that you can do at home to help out.  Well, you can do all you can to model good behavior.  But any attempts at discipline for something that was done hours earlier would be even less effective than a trip to the principals office.
   So your first step is to talk with the teacher.  Maybe even try and observe the class.  Once you have done that and if things don't get better, than you might need to talk to the principal.
   My guess is that since he is very bright that he is trying to manipulate the teacher, and she isn't playing the game - but doesn't really know how to play the game.  
   Thus my final suggestion is to give this a couple of weeks to play out.  If he is bright (of course assuming that is what is going on), he will figure out what to do and change his actions.

[AnnieBrooke]

I also was wondering if a personality issue between the two of them was happening, but it seems odd that only 2 weeks would be enough time for the teacher to cop attitude about the kid.  Teachers are usually more professional than *that.*  That's why I wondered if the teacher was either really green or really burnt out.   But as RRose says, if there is a personality conflict (and it does happen, even between grown-ups and 5-year-olds), the thing to do is switch him to another classroom.

[RockRose]

Are you on the regular school schedule - in that he is BRAND NEW to her class?

If that's the case,  you need to have a discussion with the principal to move him to another classroom teacher.  

If he was fine in preschool and daycare and now all of a sudden his kinder teacher keeps sending him to the office,  it's a personality conflict.  

If all this is not true,  sorry for reading it wrong.  

[AnnieBrooke]

It does kind of sound like the teacher has a short fuse, but there might be reasons.  How many kids are in the classroom?  She might just be overwhelmed.  If new, this might all be too much for her, and if a veteran, she might be burnt out.  You're probably going to have to talk to the principal, to try to work out if it is your son, the teacher, or the combination of the two, that is causing the problem.