my 8 yr old lies about abuse

[xx4myboyz09xx]

I am in need of some serious help,
I have a blended family, i have an 8 yr old son from a previous marriage and my husband has a son age 9 from a previous marriage. We have been together for 6 yrs and had 2 children together on a very tragic december day our home caught fire and my youngest son passed on. My 8yr old son was at school when everything happened and i was unable  tto see him, because i was in the hospital,My ex husband told my son of his brothers death by allowing him to watch every news broadcast covering the story. Reading news paper articles to him about "HIS MOM DANGLING FROM A WINDOW TO SAVE HER SON". My son came to me traumatized, i had to rebulid everything, new schools new home, dealing with the death of our son. Meanwhile my ex husband  decides he don't  want to be a dad for a period of time. Making me clean up his messes,To witch my husband steps in and takes my son under his wing.My son started calling him dad,everything was happy My son is excelling in school is adjusting to the new life and we pulled together as a family. My exhusband all of a sudden pops back into his life when things are going good for the first time in the better part of a year, to create a whirlwhind of things. Now my son is claiming that we beat him with belts,we starve him, he wants to live with dad fulltime, i threatened him if he tells teachers and therapy personal, i have drugs all over my home,( my son didn't even know what drugs were) till his father explained it to him, I WANT TO CLARIFY ALL OF THE ACCUSATIONS ARE FALSE, My family is my life since the passing of my son i have learned to not take life and family fogranted i would never beat,spank,starve or threaten not just my son but any of my children!  Now i have to go defend myself on this in court  on an emergency xparte order that was granted. What do i do? Dcyf is coming to court in my favor, but why is my son saying these  horrible horrible thing's? What can happen to my other kids if he don't stop making thigs up with his dad.please someone help me.

[Kayannaboo]

I agree with Mark. It might be best if you seek legal advice so that you get a head start because honestly, this sounds bad. I cannot say for sure what your son's issue is as I am not a psychologist/psychiatrist. However, I have found that no one can replace our biologial parents. If you look at even children who were adopted and have the best adoptive parents life can bring, they always feel as if they "do not belong". They in turn seek every possible way to connect with their biological parents. It seems to me as if your son simply wants his dad, his real dad and will go to great lengths to ensure that they are together. The dad sounds as if he too is manipulating the child. He may not be putting the actual words in your his mouth but he sure is planting some ideas in his head.

I am very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain you felt during that time. Who knows? It might even be lingering trauma that is causing your son's behavoural issues. Seek help and counselling for your son as soon as possible.

God bless you!

[RockRose]

There is a book,  "Taming Monsters,  Slaying Dragons" that deals with the fact that children who have been terribly bereaved and are stressed create monsters that they feel comfortable "slaying".  In that book,  it is alleged that children who have been through horrible trauma feel extreme anxiety and powerlessness and turn and create a safe "monster" that they know they can overpower and that won't hurt them back.

i don't know if this is what's going on with your son,  but it certainly sounds plausible.  

Another alternative thought is your son wants to ingratiate himself with his father who he knows dislikes you and is angry at you,  and so to be on "dad's side" he's created all this garbage so he can be secure in his dad's love and on dad's team.  And he knows you won't retaliate,  as you certainly won't.  Children are so perceptive and go on the attack on behalf of a parent even though that parent hasn't specifically asked them to do that.  It's still obvious in the parent's reaction they are pleased the child is making up these lies and saying negative things about the other parent.  Does this sound possible?

It sounds like your son and family need to be treated for anxiety.  

Anyway,  I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist but this is just my best guess.

Best wishes.  I'm so glad you are believed by DCYF.   You have gone through so much,  this must be extremely painful.

[MarkLakewood3367]

Since it sounds like this is now a legal matter, it seems that you should only seek legal advice from an attorney.