Should I seek help for my daughter?

[Nicky771]

My daughter is 10 years old and although she has always been a little more difficult than my other kids (I have three others), she doesn't seem to be "growing out" of her ocassional tantrums and episodes of "meltdowns" as we call them. The best way to describe it is that she cannot accept when something changes or doesn't go her way. For example, this evening we were going to play a video game she likes as a family, but after realizing that she had some homework she forgot about, we changed our minds since it got too late on a school night. My son (8 years old) was more mature about the change in plans than she was, even though he was disappointed. My daughter, however, spun out of control, begging, crying, screaming, and carrying on for at least forty five minutes. This is just one of many examples. When she gets this way, she can't be reasoned with, and acts as though it is the end of the world...sometimes she gets aggressive and violent toward others and herself as well, hitting herself or pulling her hair (although this has only happened a few times). It is scary to the other children, as well as confusing for me and my husband. We just don't know what to do anymore. My husband doesn't want her to see a councelor, although I am sure that she needs help. He thinks we can deal with her here at home, but I am so worried that there is something really wrong with her emotionally or mentally. Can someone please help me figure out if her behavior is normal or not?

[jdtm]

My husband doesn't want her to see a councelor, although I am sure that she needs help.   --  your words

In that case, start with your family doctor.  She is pre-puberty and you could use that excuse to your husband if he will not accept  the "emotional and mental" aspect of the visit.  I might suggest you print your postings on this site or write a list of your daughter's behaviours to take with you to your doctor so as not to forget your main concerns.  Sometimes, the answer is not "counselling" but may require alternative treatments.  I wish you the best ....

[Nicky771]

Yes, we punish her by taking things away that she likes to do, or sending her to her room. We also try positive reinforcement by telling her she will get some reward if she can control herself and stop the behavior...it seems like nothing works, and it is the extent to which she goes that worries me most. She just can't shake things off...everything becomes a "mountain". The other kids think she is crazy and will sometimes tell her so. My older daughter (14) thinks she is a "nutcase" and needs help. Of course we don't let them say these things in front of her as it would only make matters worse. She seems to really lack self confidence...she realizes how upset she makes us all and then feels badly about it after. I think she really worries that we don't love her because of what she does. I really don't think that she should be acting this way at 10 thoug

[91004]

How have you all reacted when she acts out this way? Does she get punished? How do the other kids act? I can remember acting this way when I was a child. I was very stubborn and was always determined to get my way. Just curious as to how you guys handle the behavior? With my son which he is much younger I just walk off and continue to do what I was doing before. If he gets aggressive I carry him to his room shut the door and walk off. Over time this has worked out well for me. Like I said though he is younger but he has my same attitude.