my step daughter

[mrsugafree]

im dealing with my 15 yr old  stepdaughters depression do to her fathers behavior. he's been in and out of jail time and time again through out her life. she feels abandend by him. she has turned to drugs as a comfort for her feelings.. she has never truely expressed her true feelings to him because she does not want to hurt him or cause him any pain. my suggestion to her was to do that without worrying about her fathers reaction to the truth. she says she cannot do that to him and i feel if she does not, her behavior towards herself will get worse and i fear  for her life. me and her have had are issues primarily do to that problem and her blaming me for what she does. we had a heart to heart conversation yesterday and the truth came out which was her father. i ended the conversation by telling her we would support her in any positive way  she needs and by telling her how much i love and care for her. she replied she loved me too which warmed my heart completely. what can i do as a stepfather to help her?


This discussion is related to LONG TEM EFFECT OF ABANDONMENT.

[megochick101]

I agree with everything that supermomma said. You are doing a great job just being there for her and keep it up. As a stepchild myself(father left when i was 5) i had love/hate thoughts about my biological father all the time and i did at first resent my stepfather. I did grow to love him but at the same time felt conflicted because my stepfather was in the picture and I loved him but kept thinking that it should have been my REAL father that i felt that love for, and it should have been my real father who was taking care of me, so that did start some resentment both towards my father and my stepfather. The situation also gave me fears that my stepfather would also turn his back on me and leave us. It took me YEARS to get over that, and realize that my stepfather was in it for the long haul and there were a lot of rocky times, but he, like you was there for me and we have had many candid conversations on the subject and the way i think of him now is that he IS my father in every sense of the word.

You need to just explain to her that it's ok to have these feelings about her father, and be there for her to listen, and I would highly suggest having her go to therapy to help her cope with everything.

Oh and as to her expressing her true feelings to him. Have her write them all down in a letter to him. Even if she doesn't send the letter out. It'll help just to get everything out in the open and make her feel better to get her thoughts all down. And she doesn't have to show anyone, it's just something to ease her mind and make her feel better, unless she chooses to share it with you or her mom.

[supermomma531]

All you can do is just keep on being there and maybe tell her that if she decides to have a talk with her father, that you'd be right there to help her and support her in any way you can. I've seen this time and time again and you being there as a step father is the best things you'll ever do for you step daughter. She will probably love and respect you more than you'll ever know and more than she probably could her own father due to his inabilities to stay out of trouble and jail. You've been there for her, he hasn't.... you've probably tucked her in at night, he hasn't....you've probably helped with the dreaded homework, he hasn't....You'll be there through the numerous times of life when she needs her DAD the most and he probably won't be. All you can do is continue to be there for her and support her in any way you can and things will fall into place and you'll probably be the one walking her down the aisle if she ever decides to get married when she's older instead of him because you stood up to the plate and took on a responsibility that you didn't have to. She respects you for that. I guarantee that. Just let things play out as they will and as one saying goes " he will eventually show his true colors...and it looks like he already has started on that track.." and it is too bad for him because he's the one missing out on all of her life. You sound like you are doing a great job. Keep it up! Remember to back her up no matter what!!