normal child sex-play?

[hall95]

I caught my 13 yr. old son and my 9 yr. old son in the middle of sex play.  It took a lot of questioning to get the truth but I questioned them separately.  Both stories are the same.  My younger son asked the older if he wonted to "play doctor."  Each took a turn rubbing his privets on the others buttocks.  They both said they did not go near the anus, also they did not touch each others privets. They both said it had happened 1 other time.  I handled it calmly but told both they were not to do it again.  My 9 yr old was given the talk about keeping your privets to yourself.  I spoke more with my 13 yr old.  Voicing my concern with the age difference and also he has started puberty.  I told him how his 'being older' may influence his younger brother to do something that he may not be comfortable with ( However I do belive my younger son was "consenting").  Also that he knows better and is old enough not to be interested in sex play with his little brother.  My concern is the age difference.  They are both very caring and thoughtful.  They are not exposed to a lot of explicit material.  We are a modest family but I have always made it clear that they can talk with us about sex.  I try to answer questions truthfully but within reason of their age.  Also they do not have any alone time with friends, ie. they play in groups.  There are no children older then 11yrs. that they regularly play with.  My 13 yr old has also been held back two years, he should be in 8th and is in 6th.  He has ADD and I choose to hold him back in Kndr. and he failed 2nd.  He is medicated now and doing well, but most of his friendships are with 11 yr. olds.  I am realizing I have not tried to involve him with children his age and I am regretting it.  Under the circumstances, is it concerning that my 13rd. old engaged in sex play with my 9 yr. old.      

[CG24]

I think it would be best to see a professional - at least run it past your pediatrician.  My experence has shown this kind of play between siblings to be more harmful than this kind of play with friends.
All the best.

[hall95]

Thank you for your post.  I will be keeping a more watchful eye.  There are some suggestive video games played by their friends.  I know my 13 yr. old has played them when visiting.  Also if this is allowed they may monitor other media less then myself.  We always reinforce our believes before a visit, and ask questions after, ie. (No internet without total supervision. and What did you do at your friends?)   I do not wish to judge others paranting choises.  However I do strongly believe children are to "worldly" these days.  This has showed me some things I need to improve on as a parent.  Also to continue taking things in stride.  Your post eased my concerns. It reminded me that I know myself and my children.  Thanks for that.   hall95    

[margypops]

You handled this situation well, the taking especially the 13 year old was good, it would still be a wise thing to check their friends, and supervise them when you can, could they have seen some inappropiate material at other childrens homes,perhaps at sleepovers or in friends homesw, you are not in control of what others allow their children to see or do.I do think that this play is very common and certainly sems to ve a part of childhood, so keep it in perspective on the worrying about it side. Keep being aware and let it go now.