pooping in pants

[mm811]

My 5 year old son poops his pants.  He is trained to pee in the toilet but has never consistently pooped on the toilet. I have to force him to even sit and try to go.  I have tried everything: charts, marbles, snacks, I even offered him money.  His doctor was of no help.  My husband yells at him, but everything I read says that is not the way to go.  Today was kind of the last straw.  He told his babysitter that "my mom doesnt' care if I poop in my pants".  I have done everything I can think of both good and bad to get him to go but nothing works.  The other kids at the sitter's and even his own cousins have said about how bad it smells and he just doesn't care.  He'll run around for an hour in poopy pants until I smell it and clean him up and it doesn't bother him at all.  HELP!!!

[mm811]

Usually he has actual chunks (big and small) in his pants.  When he just stains, I don't even count that.  He had a rather large mess for the sitter yesterday and when I picked him up she wanted to know what I was going to do.  She said she would follow my lead but she wanted me to know that she had had enough, not in a mean way but in the same way I have had enough.  I guess my plan will be to just quietly encourage and see how that goes.  Since I just started back to school last week, we are getting out routine going again.  The kids and I made a bedtime "road map" last night and one of the "stops" is the potty.  I am hoping to make one for the morning (again including the potty).  Do you think that this might be enough to give him ownership of it without me giving too much attention?  I got this idea from something I saw on "Supernanny".  Also, do you think it might be worth another trip to a different doctor for a "second opinion"?

[margypops]

If he is doing this 4-5 times a day he is not emptying himself and is going in "bits" check out he hasnt got an infection,also is it a big Messy pants Issue or simply staining as a lot of children dont wipe properly,You ask how long do you let him go, well start off trying it, see what happens on Day 1 What I meant was that a big Issue has been made and a discussion with cousins and sitters and kids there ,it hasnt been left to be a private thing at home, as you said in your post. Back off from the Drama a couple of days not discussing it at all may quieten down the Frenzy..

[mm811]

How long do I let him go?  He has been doing this for almost 2 years now.  My big worry is that he won't ever do it. He has messy pants probably 4 or 5 or more times a day. He is starting preschool this week and I just worry that this will continue and he won't be able to start kindergarten.  I have also wondered whether this is a physical thing or a power stuggle.  It sounds like you think it's a power struggle which is the way I was thinking.  Thanks for your advice!

[margypops]

This is overkill, too much attention,, too much yelling, and 'Forcing him to sit on the toilet,too much Bribing him, Try the other way of Nonchalence, Start the day and dont mention it at all, you can quietly ask him if he wants to go but mostly let him go when he wants to, if he still does it clean it up with no words, it amy take a few days but you will have taken the Presssure of it away, dont speak to friends or cousins about it.or the sitter ,how many times a day does he Poop sounds like a lot if they are all presant. Back off and treat him with patience, once he is not getting negative attention it may be he will want to be clean, try focussing on his good points and get the Dad who Yells to do sports and Games and get him involved in Guy activities with him.