Aa
possible bad child rearing.
my daughter is in a shared parenting situation, her childs dad lives with his parents, they are in a dirty court battle over school issues since he is starting kindergarten, the mother hada day off on tuesday, (the child normally would ride bus), but the child spent his normal monday at his dads, who does not live in the school district, she told the father monday evening, since she was off that she would pick up the child at 7 to get him home in time to catch the bus, which is at 7:35. I, the maternal grandmother went with her and the paternal grandfather (after waiting for 10 min) came to the door and said "we are NOT giving him to you,,its not happening" and then slamed the door in her face. I wittenested the whole thing. Last evening, thursday, when the child was at his home with his mom, he told her, "papa did not slam door, please dont be mean to my other papa". Now, I ask you, doesnt that sound like someone is teaching or coorosing this child to either lie, or actually smooth over the truth??? Is this acceptable behavior??? Please help us.
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the sad thing is that not even 24 hours after the court session, he heard what the Magistrate said, i dont understand how he can be so selfish in all of this, like nobody elses time matters, he doesnt give a **** about the mother and just controlling her time and time and time again. who does he think he is???? did he not HEAR what the magistrate was saying???? Is he really that stupid????? or what, My daughter is so upset over this, its rediculous, she had to take alex to doctor for his annuall physical, when she went to pick him up at school, she was informed, that the other family turned in the emergency contact information, when in fact andrea already had done that , she included the fathers phone number on it, because she had to, she is the residential parent for school, and now the school probably has a million phone numbers to call "in case of emergency" and she is pissed off. it has there address on it and they live in macedonia. She is going to call the twinsburg school superintendant to talk to him as well as her lawyer. this is all BULL ****. if this motion is denied she is going to flip. We think the magistrate may actually grant this, but who knows, it really could go either way, but I think this last incident with his proposed schedual to which andrea agreed with, and him totally being the *** hole that he is just blew her off and did what he always does, his way or the highway. my God something has to give. much love, polly
Wow! I am glad the court date went better than expected. I am, however, sorry you both have to go through all of this. It sounds like Andrea does have a good lawyer! I hope it all works out for you guys! I look forward to hearing more!
hello, the court we think went ok, the first thing that happened, they had to see a different magistrate because the usual one on this case left because he was ill, that may have been a blessing in disguise, dont know. anyway, i did not have to go in, thank god, but i was told it was like mediation between the parties, their lawyers, and the magistrate. the magistrate was a woman, as oppossed to a man, but that may or may not make a difference, basically andrea got to get her proposal out on the table, and so did father, it seemed that the mag. agreed with andrea on her logic regarding alex riding on the bus everyday. as to the friday incident, you know the one with the crazy other grandma, the magistrate asked the father, if it was mothers weekend, why did you pick up the child from school? all he said was he wanted to spend time with him before he went with his mother, she said, the papers do not say that YOU are entiteled to that time, it only says the mother is entiteled for 1 hour on fathers weekend to spend with the child. He had no comment, she more or less said you should let the child come home on the bus and go and pick him up at "other grandmas" house. he said she does not get home till 6, she well, go at 7. so then the subject came up about companionship time between the two familys, he admitted that he has him EVERY DAY ALL WEEK while andrea is at work, and in the motion, it was stated that "He told Andrea that I was no longer allowed to come and pick up Alex at all. She got on him big time for that, saying what is the difference here, your mom or andreas mom, they are both grandmas, i am a grandma and I get to visit with my grandchildren, a grandma is a grandma. so that was encouraging. then the subject came up about the bus, and who will get alex to school, because, andreas schedual and being in her own place with alex, she could consistenly get him to the bus and then get to work on time, he said "My father would take alex to school when i am not available" What a Joke. And then the question came up,or I should say, his reasons were of course, I am not giving up my bonding time of puting alex to bed on his Mond and Wed. Andrea came back with, Well, Alex says his Grandma at daddys house puts him to bed", He had NO COMMENT. So basically in a nut shell, the magistrate, not completely familiar with the case, has to look at a lot of stuff, but she seemed to think that andrea was rational and looking out for alexs best interest. Now, to the next part, after the session and everyone was out of the chambers, the two lawyers were talking about the friday incident, andreas lawyer asked fathers lawyer, hey, are you going to pursue anything over that, and the fathers lawyer said "No, and off the record, I know that the fathers mother started all of it, and she was aware that it was videoed" How bout that. she admits, that woman is a HUGE problem, of course it was all off the record, but we thought it was an interesting comment. so, andrea and shawn, the father have a website through the court where they are supposed to communicate thru, i assume the courts have access to it, since it is through the court, but who knows, anyway, just this past wed, shawn sent andrea a proposed schedual, that would be in effect for the next 4 months, it is ,,,,,He would be doing some kind of clinicals on tues and thurs and he would be able to drop alex off at andreas place in time for alex to get on the bus, OK, and then he would also pick alex up on MON, WED, and HIS Fridays of his weekends, a day later, basically after his mother went off on andrea and me and all this trouble on friday, He comes back with, He will pick alex up from school MON, WED, and EVERY friday. Now, it gets better, andreas lawyer has advised to respond with "the proposed schedual of you dropping him off at her place on tue and thur would be work for me as well, (She actually proposed thie EXACT schedual to him right after mediation lettting him know till it gets worked out through the courts, this is what she proposed) so now he looks like it was all HIS Idea. what another joke, she also let him know per her lawyer that she would like alex to ride home to my house on the bus each friday, and he could come here to pick him up on his weekends. I think it sounds fair for now, WRONG!!!! He has just responded back, not even 24 hours after this court hearing, he says "I am driving alex to school on tues and thur and I am picking him up EVERY FRIDAY. What a total total dipshit andrea has to deal with. he claims his lawyer told him to do that. Now, she has to call her lawyer take copies of these messages, and I think she needs to have him fax to his lawyer basically, a WTF!!!! you know, shawn just let andrea know what his schedual would be, he already told her the plan, she was just confirming to make sure they are on the same page, and this is what he does!!! I tell you this is WWAAAAYYYY out of hand, andreas lawyer wants to keep seeing him do all of this, and he wants to hit him hard with contempt charges, LIARS AND MANIPULATORS ALWAYS GET CAUGHT. what is it they say,,,,,There's a Storm Coming!!!!!!!! keep praying for us, I promise to keep you all up to date. Love Polly
Good luck today! I know how nerve racking it can be going to court! It is ok to cry, it shows how much you care about, not only your daughter and grandson, but about the entire situation. I hope and pray everything works out for you and your daughter and grandson today! Please let us know how it goes!
It OK to cry, it show the judge you are a real person not another court issue it also show how much you care for your daughter and grandson and how much all the problems the other family are cause you and the situation his hard on your family and that you just want what is best for alex.Judge will not see it a weakness but as loving and caring and that it takes a toll on you. i would also do research on a lawyer who does family law the are nonprofits tat will help and the video you have the pushing and yelling a nonprofit might take that in to concentration and help pay for family law attorney or look for one that will do it at a cheaper cost.So good luck today my thoughts are with you and the family and maybe this time the judge will see the other side for what they are controlling crazy and selfish people have my fingers crossed lets us know how it turns out.
this is for anyone, I am a nervous wreck today going to court with andrea, what am i going to do if i get called into court room and i start to cry? I know i will, this is so upseting i dont think i will be able to hold back the tears. what am i to do?
we have to go to court today at 2pm, i am soooo nervous and i almost feel ill about all of this, andrea only wants whats best for alex, its not about the father, its not about andrea and i hope the court sees that she has made a home for alex and she can offer the consistency and structure that he really needs, i guess the fathers schedual at work has changed, for the next four months, so after that who knows what his schedual will be, andreas work schedual does NOT change, she feels, and i hope the court does as well, just because fathers schedual changes, why should the childs, you know what i mean. the father and his (parents) are very selfish and it appears that they want the visitation scedual to change around THEM, not alexs. andrea has been more than fair in giving time to them throughout the 9 months of school, and I am so upset that they are NOT thinking of whats best for this little boy. She is residential parent for school purposes, and that HAS to hold some water in the courts, dont you think?? They are painting a VERY picture of andrea and all i can say, its a bunch of lies. I do believe that once lies come into the scenerio, the truth will eventually come out. The S?P agreement as it is now, was all designed for when alex was a toddler, now that he is in school, do you think it would be possible to have it updated, i mean half of it doesnt even apply at this point in time, the circumstances have changed and it should be changed to go along with alexs new adventure. SCHOOL, I think she should actually find a new lawyer that specializes in Family Law and basically start all over, unfortunately the $$$$$$ is in the way. What to do!!!!!!
I am so sorry you all are going through this! I truely feel your pain! My situation has never been as bad as your but I know I have cried many many times for my children! Their dad has been so careless with them! He comes in and out of their lives like it's nothing and he doesn't realize how unfair he is being to them. He doesn't understand that I am looking out for their best intrests and I don't like seeing them get hurt! I have never tried keeping the kids from seeing him, but it kills me to see him play with their hearts and feelings like he does! They view my husband as their dad because he is there for them in every way possible! My kids have started calling their dad "the other daddy". I just wish he would sign his rights away and let us be a complete family on our own! He doesn't really care about them, it's all about him and what is fair to him.
hell everyone, we do believe that friday was a planned thing to put andrea in a bad light, it never should have happened, the father just this morning sent andrea an email saying that on his Mon, Wed, and His weekend Fridays, he was going to pick up the child from his school, and that the school is aware of this, so he doesnt have to keep writing notes to them, he also said, that his "new schedual" would allow him to drop the child off at andreas and alexs apartment on tuesday and thursay mornings so alex could ride the bus, (tues and thur are andreas days. He also said that THIS will be the current schedual for next 4 months. And , this is only speculation at this point, he sent another email saying that he would pick alex up on mon, wed, and EVERY friday, and that andrea will have to come over there to pick him up on her weekends. Now, I ask, does that not sound like the other grandmother saw what i wrote first, and then said no that is not what to do, do it this way, This court hearing tomorrow, the 29th is making me sick. I have no idea what will happen, but do you see what is happening here, they are playing a very filthy game of portraying andrea as a real monster, something has to give, she actually fears for her life when she goes there, I have never never, had to deal with any of this, and it makes my so sick, i cant even sleep or eat. if the father ever moves away from his parents, i really worry for alex, what will happen, the father also has guns, we have seen them and he has also left them on their bed when they lived together, while andrea was working. the father is very defiant and the other grandmother is ten times worse. i wish all of you could have been there to see this. i cant seem to get that whole incident out of my mind. this is totally wrong, and somebody really needs to shut that other grandma up, she truly is the root of all of this trouble. they are just angry that andrea is going to court with this. and the other grandma saw that i was videoing the incident, How else was i supposed to document what happened other than doing that is beyond me, that is what sent over the edge, i know she has to realize that it is documented the best i could do, im not so good with phone video, i was a nervous wreck, they should have least had alex at the end of the driveway waiting for andrea to get there, and none, I mean none of this would have happened. I wish i could be put on a polygraph, because i am telling the whole truth. I did not go there for anything other that to wittness what went on, how else was i supposed to do that other than a video. it would still come down to he said she said, and I think they know its been documented and police have the video on record. they are telling andrea that i punch the grandma but, i wish i could send video to everyone out there to actually see, you can see her walking over to me and i actually was fearful of my safety as well, what if she had a knife, i did not know that, what if she had a gun, i did not know that, you can see clearly that she pushed me and the video went off to right and than i have it back on her as she is walking away back up to the garage. she is then screaming at andrea and of course andrea is defending herself as well, this is all on the video. i also believe, that they know they were wrong and is doing a very good job at covering up the truth and I pray to God, the court see them for what they are, all of these problems have happened simpyly, because andrea just wants was BEST FOR ALEX!! It is not about spiting shawn, the dad, its not about spiting the other family, its not for benefiting andrea, its all about ALEX. the father really believes, that he can call all the shots, and have TOTAL control over andrea, this should not be a power play, but it sure looks like it to me. Andrea only wants what is best for Alex, that has to mean something. Its only for 9 months during the school, The bottom line is the father and (his family) want to control everything, and I ask you, if the fathers schedual changes like the weather fine, but I pray that the court will see that this little boys schedual should NOT change. She is not and has NEVER denied any compononship time with the father, NOT ONCE. she has tried and tried till you just cant take it anymore, as long as the other grandmother keeps interfering with all these issues, this situation will continue to get worse and worse, I feel so bad for alex i just cry all day over it. something has to give and all persons involes, need to stop accusing and put this child first. ( oh, just a bit of info on other grandma, this is sad, im sorry, but she apparently lost a child to sids, a long time ago, and I think, once again its only a thought) I think she thinks alex is her child, and i believe the father has very little to do with him, cant prove it, but alex has told his mom, that his other grandma takes care of him, feeding him, putting him to bed and giving him baths. Alex has even said he doesnt even know where dad is, he could be sleeping, at work, or somewhere else, its so unfornate. im really upset but all of this, I cant deal with it anymore.
In reference to the incident that happened friday night, she might be able to get a restraining order out on Alex's dad and grandmother because of the pushing and shoving and screaming that went on. If that is possible then the restraining order would restrict him and his mother from seeing Alex also. You can probably use the video, if you were able to record Alex's dad pushing Andrea, in court to get the restraining order. I don't know if it would actually happen but it is worth a shot!
I am a mother of a 4 year old and a 3 year old. Their father and I have shared legal custody and I have full physical custody. Visitation is to be worked out between us. We do not have a set visitation because he can not seem to hold down a job and his schedule is constantly changing. He has also hopped around from place to place (to live) and had different roommates. He has been known to give false information about me to his friends and family, so all of his roommates have not been easy to deal with. He was also ordered to pay $600 a month in child support for the kids. He has not done that but a few times and is behind over $11,000. He is currently serving time for the second tme in jail. I have had an issue before with him where I had to call the police because he was supposed to have the kids back to me by 4pm and he didn't bring them home until after 9pm that night. He found nothing wrong with that and he said he lost track of time because he was sleeping. I flipped out because if he was sleeping, I wanted to know what my kids were doing while he was sleeping. He tries to tell his friends and family and even our judge that I never let him see the kids, when the truth is he never calls to see them. He went to jail on the first of August and he hadn't called to get the kids since May 1st. I have no choice but to go through the court system because he is so difficult to deal with. I keep explaining to him that if he would just cooperate with me and pay his child support then we would not have all the problems that we have. I have been keeping notes about every time we talk, every time he sees the kids, every time I hear something about him, etc. If it involves him, I write it down. My husband and I just recently got married in December. My kids started calling him Daddy on their own. I was not going to make them call him daddy bc he is not their biological father. I also was not going to stop them when they did start calling him daddy. He has taken care of my kids since the day he and I got together. He has put more time and money toward my kids in the past year than their own father has in the past 3 years combined! My husband treats them like they are his own, and he even calls them his own. Their dad got mad when he heard them call him daddy and he started telling them that he was not their dad and not to call him daddy. I was very angry because he doesn't do anything for the kids and it was not fair to the kids or my husband for him to take that away from them when my husband is like a daddy to them. Trust me, I know exactly what you and your daughter are going through. I hope everything goes well, and good luck!
I know it makes you want to pull your hair out you feel like you have know control over anything it sure does sound like a setup or that they just want to make everything hard and difficult for daughter so she she do something so they can use it against her or so she will just give up.They crossed the line, talk to your lawyer see what you have to do, you never put your hands on someone, thYe do seem a little crazy and out of control their plan back fired and now you have something to show how it really is and not there version and it is kind of good that the police have to go every time it should make the hand over easy, alex should not have to see it, but they caused this. Remember deep breath it will all work out, keep us updated.
there was another ungly incindent last night, The fathe after asking alex wnted what HE wanted to do, Either have hid dd pick hom up at school or ride the bus and play here with his cousin" Alex told him he wanted to ride the bus, so friday afternoon (my daughters weekend with alex) he told andrea that he was going to pick him up and dissreguard alexs wishes, she told him please do not, it is my weekend, and alex already told you he wanted to ride the bus, He totally ignorned her request and did what HE wanted to do, I think it was a setup to make andrea have to go there to face whatever trouble would happen, as her lawyer told her to take someone with her to be a wittness for what what would go on. I went with her, and I had my phone with video, (which I am dumb when it comes to operate these things,), anyway, we pull up and i stayed right by the car however, I moved a little to the left as there was a car in front of the garage, to block any vision. the father was sitting in there with alex and the other grandmother was right behind them, my daughter walked up the garage and kindly asked tor alex, at which point she went to pick up the childs bookgag, and she probably should not have done this, said to the father you should not have picked him up after you knew what Alex wanted to do and its my weekend, by then the other grandmas saw me with my phone taking video, and the father stood up and started screaming at the top of his lungs at andrea and actually pushed her, at the same time the other grandma came practalyly running at me and got in my face and pushed me and tried to knock the phone out of my hand. it was horrible, she keep screaming and screaming at me, i shoved her away from me telling her to get out of my face, i did not come to start trouble, that the lawyer to me to be with andrea and that woman was more pissed off that i was recording all of this, she then walked away, and they closed the garage door and i think alex was already in the house, and the grandmother was continuasly screaming at andrea and told her they were refusing to give up the child to her, they then called the police. the police came and statements were written by both of us, but I do think this was a set up game to put andrea in a situation that did not have to happen. Also on my video you can here me saying that i was not here to start trouble, we just want alex. Im telling you, these people are very ill and they really believe that they can do just about whatever they want to, Andrea is now going to have to call for a police escort everytime she has to pick up alex, I can no longer do this, It is making sick all the time, We tried calling her lawyer last night, but with no answer, This has to stop, Im so ready to start SSSCCCCRRRRREEEEEAAAAMMMMIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!
Same here my daughter grandma is raising my daughter dad always has more important things to do yes ant first i hated her she was raising my child and when i told the court they would lie said her dad was there with her and the grandma was only there to help and when court officer went there the made it seem perfect and would talk adout me. it was a mess , within the last two years we have made it work i play nice with the grandma just to keep thing civil it was a up hill battle and it seemed like i was pushing a boulder a inch at atime up a hill and every few feet in would roll over me and down that hill and then i have to start again.I know that you grandson loves his mom and you they are probably making you sound like the enemy and the make him fell like when he is with them it like being at Disneyland with cupcakes and candy all around so i am sure he is confussed in time he will see them for who they are. my daughter has, she tells me that in another year she 12 and can go to court and say who she wants to be with us.so sorry you and you grandson and daughter are going through this i hope for alex sack the grow up and take in to consideration what is better for alex and not what the want.But it will get better and easier it just takes a lot of time and deep breathes
i know what they should do, but how do you fight a losing battle, the other grandmother I think , she thinks this is HER child. I see a lot of the other family ways in him, he has no disiciplin at the other house, when he does something wrong in my house, he gets yelled at and told why is getting yelled at, he tells me his other grandma at daddys house NEVER gets mad at him, she is not sending him the message of the difference between what is right and wrong. Her own children were taught that and now she is doing this to a child that is NOT hers. I truly believe she is raising him and that the father if he was on his own would be glad to have him out of his hair, he has a new fiance and the child always says that he does not know where his dad is half the time. I said this before, if the father was out on his own, God help this child, the other grandmother is the MAJOR problem, and the GAL that was court appointed even said that in her evaluation. the social worker even said that she was a problem, but hello, courts, why then, do they not see this. The main problem, is that the father cant make anykind of rational decision on his own, he is soo used to mommy makeing it all better, this has my daughter so sick and i am not far behind it too. the father has tried to come to aggreements but the other grandma lets say upsets the cart and all hell breaks loose. My daughter made a huge mistake by signing those shared parenting papers, which I would like to wipe my *** with them, they are ALL geared toward the fathers rights, Mother is hardly mentioned. I really feel the child doesnt like me or his mom, I also believe the hate they feel toward her, spills over at alex, i know that in my heart, its an awful shame, i hope in time, alex will see through all this , I never say anything "bad"about the other family in front of alex, but i believe, when he was smaller, i can only imagine what bedtime stories he was told. If only time could be turned bavck.
Am a mother of a 11 yr girl and i have shared custody of her with her father since she was 3 and we had a very ugly court battle i hate to say but we did at first the was allot of hate anger yelling screaming nothing my daughter should have gone through and it was are fault i mean ugly battle.My ex also lives with his parents and when i was sick and in the hospital and almost died the took me to court told judge i abandoned her and did not mention were i was so when i got got out the court battle began there was lies it was a very bad time i was 22 at the time and was to young to swallow pride and woudl not sit down and work it out.BUT ONE DAY IT HIT ME do what is best for Samantha.So now it 50/50 physical custody and i have 100% legal custody.It took a couple years to get it worked out but it does now, we stick to the schedule to the t we do no waiver from it ,structure is the best we also got a day planner and marked day she was with me and days she her dad she was 4 so i colored coded it she knew every day what was going on she felt a part of it in stead of in the middle she to would say do not be mean, now we never say anything about the other always good try to work together it not prefect and you can not change the other family just what you do it is hard i still do not talk directly to her dad it through a mediator or his mom yes we still have fights but know she never know it between the adults.It not perfect or the best but it does work it better and we never stray from what is in that daily schedule even if it hard on us we make it work Hope everything better soon
my daughter does not like going to court, however, she just wanted to ammend the companionship time so the child can get on the bus and get to school, and ride the bus home. I will tell you current schedual, Father gets alex monday and wed, and alt. weekends. He sleeps there on those days as well, Mother gets alex on tues and thurs. and alt. weekends. the problem is this, My daughter works mon, tru fri. 8 to 5 or a little later maybe 5.30. the child is at the fathers home all day mon, all day tues, all day wed, all day thurs. he even goes there on my daughters weekend on fridays, till she gets off work to pick him up. In march of 2010, she started to discuss the school year, (which he started kindergarten in the twinsburg ohio school districT) to see if the schedual could be changed so alex would have structure and consistency at least during the school months. she had offered, which a lot of people say that isnt that bad of a change, as the father lives in a different school district. she offered, on mon and wed, the father could pick alex up after he comes home on bus and bring him back home by 7 or 730, so she can i dont know pick out clothes for morning, get bookbag ready for next morning take a bath, read you know all the things that would help him have some kind of routine and get to bed at a reasonably time each night. She also offered that the alt weekends would remain, and she would alllow more time on sundays for dad, also xmas and spring break would be normal and if we had snow days, he could also have him for the day. obviously summer would be normal. the point is, the father and the mother both have had stable lives ,,,this child does not. Its only 9 months out of the year to give this child some structure, and His only argument is "i enjoy that bonding time of putting him to bed" well, I hate to say this, but the child says his grandma at daddys house puts him to bed. and I really believe him. My daughter actually got an apartment for alex and her so he has a place to call his "home" the fathers work and whatever else he does changes like the weather, and my daughter feels, just because his schedual changes, why should the childs.
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I would appeal to your daughter and anyone else that will listen that these adults need to get a handle on this situation. Not the fighting but learning to not fight. They do not need to be rude to her and I'm guessing because of the way they treated her that she has been rude to them at some point. They need to take the fight and dirty out of the court and get over that and put the child and his best interest first. Even if it means swallowing pride, losing some control, and agreeing to something that they don't love. It is the child and his feelings that matter.
Hopefully your daughter didn't correct him other than to say she wouldn't be mean to the papa-------- but putting this child in the middle in anyway is detrimental.
What about a mediator?
I'm sure this is very hard as a family to deal with and it breaks you and your daughter's heart. May you all have peace. good luck