The Cat cant fend for herself so you will have to protect it, do not let your daughter pick it up, keep it away from her all the time until she realises its not a toy and can feel pain,if you allow your daughter to hold down the cat for hours as you describe you are allowing animal abuse, perhaps it is time to get a home for the cat until your daughter is older .Yes you are also correct when you say that as your husband is abusive to you your daughter is copying ,it is a learned behavior,. perhaps you could get some counseling for you and your husband, and tell him you will not permit the abuse anymore ,when he starts it, walk away, do not feed into it, do not permit it to happen ,it is your life and unhealthy for your daughter to see this behavior.Make sure you use the timeo out method when she is mean to you, and make sure she satays there, set the bounderies for her and your husband and stick to them, it really does work.Good luck