Cries to sleep

[axle]

I found my 11 year old son crying in bed one night and asked what was wrong. He replied that he "doesn't want anyone to die", ie parents or grandparents. After some discussion, it emerged that he has been crying himself to sleep every night for months, giving the same reason. I have seen him awake until after 1:30 am.

He very rarely goes out to play with friends even though there is always lots of other kids asking him to go out to play, again, he said that this is in case myself or my wife dies while he is out but he does go to school everyday without any problem. He has no problems at school, and is very, very clever. My son has an older brother, a younger sister and a younger brother.

When I first discovered this, I spent more time with him, playing sports, going swimming etc to try to get him to sleep earlier because I put a lot of his emotional behaviour down to lack of sleep. Sometimes this would make him fall asleep without the tears, but more often than not it was the usual routine that shone through. I have tried reassuring him that it will be a long time before anyone dies, but this just seems to reaffirm his belief that there will come a time when someone will die.

Both of my parents are still alive and well, my wifes mother is also alive and well but her father died when my wife was 17, so my son didn't know my wifes father, but I suspect it may still affect him.

Any advice you can give would be desperatly welcomed.

Thanks.

[joe289]

my son is also 11 but i just don't see why death or the dark affects children but then again my son is not really independent by himself in his room.  

[jdtm]

His reaction seems extreme - have you discussed this with your son's family physician?  Perhaps he/she might be able to offer insight into this behaviour.  The sleeping issue concerns me - children suffering from anxiety usually have terrible sleeping habits (and they continue for years and years).  I'm wondering - does your son exhibit any other behaviours which are symptomatic of anxiety?  The "death" anxiety is common to children suffering from GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  Perhaps I might suggest you google this term to see if the description is similar to that of your son.  Please let us know what you discover.   I wish you the best .....

[margypops]

Sounds like someone older than him has been talking about Death and has made him anxious perhaps if you have an older son you could descreetly listen in as this happens a lot the older Boy may not realise young children dont undersatand death, ask him if the other children or at school or any relative have been telling him people in his life are going to die or get hurt.On your part some positive talk that it wont be happening for a very long time and reassure him, dont let anyone scare him, check it out.