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Any advice/help appreciated. Conception date?
Hello thank you for taking the time to read this.
My life has been turned upside down by an event that happened to me on the 9th of July 2014. I was sexually assaulted and raped
Me and my partner are very happy however I closed up and now suffer bad depression and anxiety. The dreaded day came that I fell pregnant. I got a positive pregnancy test on the 28th of August 2014.
I can't remember around those months me even having a period as i have never had the same cycle twice! This worries me.
Me and my partner had sexual contact afterwards but I cannot remember dates. Things were never the same for me. I felt dirty and worthless.
I had a ultrasound scan on the 23 of October 2014 confirming I was 13 weeks 2 days pregnant. I don't no how accurate these are.
I was given a due date of the 28 of April 2015
At roughly 21 weeks the baby was measured and I was gives a date of the 21st April. But my due date wasn't changed.
Can someone please advise whether there is any chance of this 9th of July encounter being the father of my child?
I'm am currently waiting for a referral for a counsellor to help me deal with this.
Thank you so much for your time X
My life has been turned upside down by an event that happened to me on the 9th of July 2014. I was sexually assaulted and raped
Me and my partner are very happy however I closed up and now suffer bad depression and anxiety. The dreaded day came that I fell pregnant. I got a positive pregnancy test on the 28th of August 2014.
I can't remember around those months me even having a period as i have never had the same cycle twice! This worries me.
Me and my partner had sexual contact afterwards but I cannot remember dates. Things were never the same for me. I felt dirty and worthless.
I had a ultrasound scan on the 23 of October 2014 confirming I was 13 weeks 2 days pregnant. I don't no how accurate these are.
I was given a due date of the 28 of April 2015
At roughly 21 weeks the baby was measured and I was gives a date of the 21st April. But my due date wasn't changed.
Can someone please advise whether there is any chance of this 9th of July encounter being the father of my child?
I'm am currently waiting for a referral for a counsellor to help me deal with this.
Thank you so much for your time X
COMMUNITY LEADER
Good luck. Tell him soon. When we put up walls, all it does is isolate us from those who could help us.
I will be going to the police to report its only fair on other women out there. I'd never forgive myself if it happened to someone else and I could of stopped it.
I don't think he will blame me and I wish I had told him from the very beginning I was just terrified I put myself into a bubble and I let no one in!
He is a lovely caring understanding person and I feel terrible for not telling him.
This site has been a great support for me. I feel more confident in talking about that night.
Thank you xxx
I don't think he will blame me and I wish I had told him from the very beginning I was just terrified I put myself into a bubble and I let no one in!
He is a lovely caring understanding person and I feel terrible for not telling him.
This site has been a great support for me. I feel more confident in talking about that night.
Thank you xxx
Thank you for your kind words and support AnnieBrooke, I can go on with life knowing my baby is my partners and not the man that raped me.
I didn't quite understand how it all worked until you have explained it to me so thank you.
I have decided to wait and see my counsellor. See if I can deal with the emotion myself first, then I can hopefully tell my partner with more confidence as at the minute I really don't feel strong enough.
Banishing that doubt of my baby not being my partners has been a sigh of releif.
I don't no if you know about this but if the rape happened some time ago can the police do anything about it ?
Thank you xxx
I didn't quite understand how it all worked until you have explained it to me so thank you.
I have decided to wait and see my counsellor. See if I can deal with the emotion myself first, then I can hopefully tell my partner with more confidence as at the minute I really don't feel strong enough.
Banishing that doubt of my baby not being my partners has been a sigh of releif.
I don't no if you know about this but if the rape happened some time ago can the police do anything about it ?
Thank you xxx
1 Comments
I've read that it is not unusual for a woman to be so shocked by the rape that she does not come forward right away. It won't surprise the police. Of course, directly after a rape, a rape-swab kit is used to gather evidence, and it is too late for that now. But you certainly can file a complaint, the statute of limitations is not up! Even if a prosecution does not get very far, if enough of these go to a prosecutor about the same man, something will be done.
Why are you going to wait to tell your partner? Do you think he is going to blame you? It would be helpful if, when you report the rape, he can provide testimony of your changed demeanor after the event. Unless, of course, there is an interpersonal reason you think he would be mad at you (such as, he told you not to go to the place or event where it happened and you went anyway, or something like that). I'd consider asking him to attest to your changed moods otherwise, in short, to add a supporting statement to the police that something happened in July and you were not the same after.
Why are you going to wait to tell your partner? Do you think he is going to blame you? It would be helpful if, when you report the rape, he can provide testimony of your changed demeanor after the event. Unless, of course, there is an interpersonal reason you think he would be mad at you (such as, he told you not to go to the place or event where it happened and you went anyway, or something like that). I'd consider asking him to attest to your changed moods otherwise, in short, to add a supporting statement to the police that something happened in July and you were not the same after.
Thank you for your kind words and support AnnieBrooke, I can go on with life knowing my baby is my partners and not the man that raped me.
I didn't quite understand how it all worked until you have explained it to me so thank you.
I have decided to wait and see my counsellor. See if I can deal with the emotion myself first, then I can hopefully tell my partner with more confidence as at the minute I really don't feel strong enough.
Banishing that doubt of my baby not being my partners has been a sigh of releif.
I don't no if you know about this but if the rape happened some time ago can the police do anything about it ?
Thank you xxx
I didn't quite understand how it all worked until you have explained it to me so thank you.
I have decided to wait and see my counsellor. See if I can deal with the emotion myself first, then I can hopefully tell my partner with more confidence as at the minute I really don't feel strong enough.
Banishing that doubt of my baby not being my partners has been a sigh of releif.
I don't no if you know about this but if the rape happened some time ago can the police do anything about it ?
Thank you xxx
COMMUNITY LEADER
ps -- If you can't say it to him, write it to him. It might be easier. But don't wait any longer to let him know what you have been going through.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Your first ultrasound, which is the most accurate for this purpose, says you conceived around August 5 or 6. Your second one, which as you understand is less useful for this purpose (which is why you see wild stories on the Internet -- someone will have a 21st-week ultrasound and it won't be able to pinpoint when she conceived, well of course it won't) says around July 30. None of them indicate July 9. I never say anything having to deal with the human body is "impossible," but there is nothing in your story that says it is possible.
Tell your boyfriend. If you can't bring yourself to do it when the two of you are alone, enlist a friend or counselor to help you. Don't let it wait, this was not your fault. He will probably go with you when you file charges, and will be a world of help. The rape should not have been a secret from him even if the dates were more close together, you DID NOT GET RAPED BY CHOICE. This is not a guilty secret for you to hold, it is a trauma, to bring into the light and get well from. If you simply can't stand to talk to him about this, talk to your counselor first and then bring him in. But I think you can find the words. Try tonight.
Good luck, keep writing. We're all up for each other in the DNA/Paternity community.
Tell your boyfriend. If you can't bring yourself to do it when the two of you are alone, enlist a friend or counselor to help you. Don't let it wait, this was not your fault. He will probably go with you when you file charges, and will be a world of help. The rape should not have been a secret from him even if the dates were more close together, you DID NOT GET RAPED BY CHOICE. This is not a guilty secret for you to hold, it is a trauma, to bring into the light and get well from. If you simply can't stand to talk to him about this, talk to your counselor first and then bring him in. But I think you can find the words. Try tonight.
Good luck, keep writing. We're all up for each other in the DNA/Paternity community.
Hello Annie and thank you soo much for taking the time to reply to my post.
Again, you have really helped to ease my anxiety. And if I ever start to feel low I think you post is reassuring and inspirational. Your right most girls don't come out alive and I was a lucky one. Very lucky.
Thank you for explaining the dates bit by bit and by looking at the timescales you have provided me and my partner can enjoy a happy life knowing that our family is complete. It's had me ill the rape, the pregnancy, the depressions and anxiety.
I'm so relieved I decided to join this forum and ask for some help with this,
I will be pressing charges, as soon as I have managed to deal with this myself and tell my partner. He does deserve to know and it will kill him to think I've gone through this alone.
Every day I sit and think today's the day I'll tell him and I get a lump in my throat and I just can't so I'm clearly not ready.
I hope that one day I can recover from this a stronger women and mum. But at the moment I'm frail and weak. I'm not myself.
So please just once more are you telling me it is impossible for my rapist to have fathered my child, I know it was early hours of July the 9th morning but I was drugged by the rapist prior to the attack.
Much love xx
Again, you have really helped to ease my anxiety. And if I ever start to feel low I think you post is reassuring and inspirational. Your right most girls don't come out alive and I was a lucky one. Very lucky.
Thank you for explaining the dates bit by bit and by looking at the timescales you have provided me and my partner can enjoy a happy life knowing that our family is complete. It's had me ill the rape, the pregnancy, the depressions and anxiety.
I'm so relieved I decided to join this forum and ask for some help with this,
I will be pressing charges, as soon as I have managed to deal with this myself and tell my partner. He does deserve to know and it will kill him to think I've gone through this alone.
Every day I sit and think today's the day I'll tell him and I get a lump in my throat and I just can't so I'm clearly not ready.
I hope that one day I can recover from this a stronger women and mum. But at the moment I'm frail and weak. I'm not myself.
So please just once more are you telling me it is impossible for my rapist to have fathered my child, I know it was early hours of July the 9th morning but I was drugged by the rapist prior to the attack.
Much love xx
You don't understand how much that means to me. I can't thank you enough.
It will always be in my mind. And never leave me but to think I can now know this baby is defiantly my partners and not someone that doesn't deserve something so precious as my son after what he did to me is just such a relief. I actually cried as I read your status.
It's awful to read the horror stories of scans they make you go crazy! Certainly in my case. And as my partner was with me every step of the way I couldn't explain to the doctors.
What would you recommend I do just out of curiosity, tell my partner, or keep it to myself now knowing that my Son is 100% his and move forward with out life's as a family?
Thank you again Hun xx
It will always be in my mind. And never leave me but to think I can now know this baby is defiantly my partners and not someone that doesn't deserve something so precious as my son after what he did to me is just such a relief. I actually cried as I read your status.
It's awful to read the horror stories of scans they make you go crazy! Certainly in my case. And as my partner was with me every step of the way I couldn't explain to the doctors.
What would you recommend I do just out of curiosity, tell my partner, or keep it to myself now knowing that my Son is 100% his and move forward with out life's as a family?
Thank you again Hun xx
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, MamaJ,
I'll probably repeat some of what you've already been told, but will go over your information also.
I hasten to say that I don't think the baby is from the rape. Even given the margin for error when using a 13th-week ultrasound to try to determine a conception date, July 9 is too early to have created the baby you carry. In your shoes, I would go forward and enjoy the pregnancy without that fear.
Second, I'm glad you're going to see a counselor. As he or she will tell you, the rapist did the wrong, not you, there is no reason to blame yourself. A lot of women carry an "if only" list in their head after a rape -- the "if only I hadn't worn that dress" or "if only I hadn't turned right instead of turning left" or "if only I had left the bar earlier" -- that is not real, it is just a crazy lady in your head talking from a world of pain. You in fact did great -- you survived. Many women don't make it out alive. Good for you. And you even went on to be able to generate a wonderful, beautiful blessing in the face of something that someone wanted to do to hurt you. Good for you again. As for feeling dirty, just remember, all the cells in your body turn over, and the ones the rapist touched are gone. You're clean.
As for feeling worthless -- don't let the rapist continue to rape you. If you don't want him to rape you any more, stick it to him by saying you will not give up your most precious thing, your sense of self-worth and your peace of mind, to him, some criminal jackass jerk who does not deserve the mud from the bottom of your shoe.
Back to your dates. If a person learns from an ultrasound that they're 6 weeks and 4 days, or 7 weeks 0 days, they can pretty much take that to the bank, there is only a margin for error of a day or two. All embryos begin as one cell, and the next day the cell divides to 2, and the next day 4, and so on. After a while, though, some embryos grow a little faster than normal and some grow a little more slowly, meaning that someone whose ultrasound was spot-on at 7 weeks might be as much as a week out, by 12 weeks (that's the figure used by the most conservative doctors) and I've heard that by the 40th week an ultrasound can be as much as three weeks off if used to try to determine a conception date. However, even if you add a margin for error to your 13th week ultrasound and a few days to cover the life of sperm in a woman's system, it does not stretch your possible conception date back to July 9. Your first ultrasound, which is the most accurate for this purpose, says you conceived around August 5 or 6. Your second one says around July 30. None of them implicate July 9.
Please press charges against your rapist. It will say to the universe that you are taking back your power and he is no longer able to harm you. Talk to your counselor and talk to your boyfriend. Rage against fate. But know you are blessed. You are the luckiest girl on the planet -- women who struggle with infertility would sell their house to be you. You're going to have a baby. Be glad, you are so blessed.
(((HUGS)))
Annie
I'll probably repeat some of what you've already been told, but will go over your information also.
I hasten to say that I don't think the baby is from the rape. Even given the margin for error when using a 13th-week ultrasound to try to determine a conception date, July 9 is too early to have created the baby you carry. In your shoes, I would go forward and enjoy the pregnancy without that fear.
Second, I'm glad you're going to see a counselor. As he or she will tell you, the rapist did the wrong, not you, there is no reason to blame yourself. A lot of women carry an "if only" list in their head after a rape -- the "if only I hadn't worn that dress" or "if only I hadn't turned right instead of turning left" or "if only I had left the bar earlier" -- that is not real, it is just a crazy lady in your head talking from a world of pain. You in fact did great -- you survived. Many women don't make it out alive. Good for you. And you even went on to be able to generate a wonderful, beautiful blessing in the face of something that someone wanted to do to hurt you. Good for you again. As for feeling dirty, just remember, all the cells in your body turn over, and the ones the rapist touched are gone. You're clean.
As for feeling worthless -- don't let the rapist continue to rape you. If you don't want him to rape you any more, stick it to him by saying you will not give up your most precious thing, your sense of self-worth and your peace of mind, to him, some criminal jackass jerk who does not deserve the mud from the bottom of your shoe.
Back to your dates. If a person learns from an ultrasound that they're 6 weeks and 4 days, or 7 weeks 0 days, they can pretty much take that to the bank, there is only a margin for error of a day or two. All embryos begin as one cell, and the next day the cell divides to 2, and the next day 4, and so on. After a while, though, some embryos grow a little faster than normal and some grow a little more slowly, meaning that someone whose ultrasound was spot-on at 7 weeks might be as much as a week out, by 12 weeks (that's the figure used by the most conservative doctors) and I've heard that by the 40th week an ultrasound can be as much as three weeks off if used to try to determine a conception date. However, even if you add a margin for error to your 13th week ultrasound and a few days to cover the life of sperm in a woman's system, it does not stretch your possible conception date back to July 9. Your first ultrasound, which is the most accurate for this purpose, says you conceived around August 5 or 6. Your second one says around July 30. None of them implicate July 9.
Please press charges against your rapist. It will say to the universe that you are taking back your power and he is no longer able to harm you. Talk to your counselor and talk to your boyfriend. Rage against fate. But know you are blessed. You are the luckiest girl on the planet -- women who struggle with infertility would sell their house to be you. You're going to have a baby. Be glad, you are so blessed.
(((HUGS)))
Annie
Thank you so much for your reply.
I have been terrified to even talk or write down what happened to me that night. But I now feel ready to face it as one day I'm going to have too.
At the moment getting a DNA is out of the question as I can't afford it money is really tight and everything goes towards looking after my miracle.
Are those conception dates reliable on the due date given by Ilya sound even if I don't have any idea when my last period was?
I've heard so many horror stories of ultra sounds being majorly wrong.
But if your saying I can rule it out then you have made me very very happy. You don't understand what it would mean to me to have a medical professional to tell me to minus it from the equation. My partner is my life and he is an incredible dad to our Little boy.
One day I will tell him what happen to me once I have had the help I need.
Again thanks for your time X
I have been terrified to even talk or write down what happened to me that night. But I now feel ready to face it as one day I'm going to have too.
At the moment getting a DNA is out of the question as I can't afford it money is really tight and everything goes towards looking after my miracle.
Are those conception dates reliable on the due date given by Ilya sound even if I don't have any idea when my last period was?
I've heard so many horror stories of ultra sounds being majorly wrong.
But if your saying I can rule it out then you have made me very very happy. You don't understand what it would mean to me to have a medical professional to tell me to minus it from the equation. My partner is my life and he is an incredible dad to our Little boy.
One day I will tell him what happen to me once I have had the help I need.
Again thanks for your time X
1 Comments
no problem the thing with doctors is they rely to much on your lMP when they should determine the babies due date based on his SIZE which is where the scans come in handy..... they say if scans are off they are usually +/- 3 at the most 5 days but even then a scan would not be off by 21 days.... I'm sure your scan would have showed a bigger baby than what you've been told..... for me based off my LMP I was due 3/8 when I got my first dating scan based off the size of my little one it pushed me back to a due date of 3/12 meaning I ovulated later than a normal person with a lmp starting 6/2.... In your case it would be very obvious that your baby was way bigger if it was from that night.
I'm sorry you haven't informed your partner of what happened only you know what you are going through and only you can chose whom you tell and when.... the one thing there is to remember is that any traumatizing moment will only suppress us emotionally as far as we allow it too..... write it down detail by detail and burn the paper and tell yourself you wont live a slave to a night in which you were abused and I'm sure didn't have control over. Do not blame yourself girl seek all the help you need..... being on boards like this will help you better understand conception probabilities as far as dates lmp and edd you'll see as you read more that you conceived late july early aug and you'll give yourself some peace of mind as you learn more about dating scans etc....... Maybe you were given this blessing with your partner to help remind you of the beautiful things in life and to help forget the moment you encountered..... talk to ever you need to hun.
I'm sorry you haven't informed your partner of what happened only you know what you are going through and only you can chose whom you tell and when.... the one thing there is to remember is that any traumatizing moment will only suppress us emotionally as far as we allow it too..... write it down detail by detail and burn the paper and tell yourself you wont live a slave to a night in which you were abused and I'm sure didn't have control over. Do not blame yourself girl seek all the help you need..... being on boards like this will help you better understand conception probabilities as far as dates lmp and edd you'll see as you read more that you conceived late july early aug and you'll give yourself some peace of mind as you learn more about dating scans etc....... Maybe you were given this blessing with your partner to help remind you of the beautiful things in life and to help forget the moment you encountered..... talk to ever you need to hun.
Im sorry to hear what happened girl I hope you receive the help you need.
If you had conceived 7/9 you would be due around 3/31 and would be around 24 weeks and 4 days.
Due date of 4/28 you conceived around 8/6 and are 20 weeks and 4 days.
due date of 4/21 conception was around 7/30 you are 21 weeks 4 days
please remember the further along you are the scans become less reliable as baby grow at different paces.
reliable scans to determine most probable conception are 7 weeks- 12/13 weeks.
I would honestly rule out the incident of 7/9 as the intercourse that led to pregnancy.
I wish you and your blessing the best.... You may also want to consider the prenatal dna tests for some peace of mind... Although I'm 99 % that there is no way your pregnancy resulted from that night just for reassurance and to help you emotionally I would try to get the test done with ravgen or DDC they are a little pricey but given your situation it could help.
If you had conceived 7/9 you would be due around 3/31 and would be around 24 weeks and 4 days.
Due date of 4/28 you conceived around 8/6 and are 20 weeks and 4 days.
due date of 4/21 conception was around 7/30 you are 21 weeks 4 days
please remember the further along you are the scans become less reliable as baby grow at different paces.
reliable scans to determine most probable conception are 7 weeks- 12/13 weeks.
I would honestly rule out the incident of 7/9 as the intercourse that led to pregnancy.
I wish you and your blessing the best.... You may also want to consider the prenatal dna tests for some peace of mind... Although I'm 99 % that there is no way your pregnancy resulted from that night just for reassurance and to help you emotionally I would try to get the test done with ravgen or DDC they are a little pricey but given your situation it could help.
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