Opinion please

[Marymary28]

Had my son December 30th, I was due dec. 27th. Had sex on March 25, 26th with one guy and then April 5th and 6th with another. First us was at around 17 weeks, since that one he always measured behind. Was born 3 days late however my ob stretched my cervix and I went into labor less than 24 hours later. It wasn't a membrane sweep just a really rough cervical exam. Idk if that matters.

[Marymary28]

I know my cycles are longer than the typical 28 days, mine are probably more around 35 days. Wouldn't that mean I would also ovulate later? What I was trying to say if my period was the cliche 28 days I would have ovulated around the 29th of March but I think mine should have been later than that due to longer cycle lengths. And thank you I'm glad I did too so I can get this behind me and move on.. mainly mentally. It's tiring

[Marymary28]

Well I did it I called the courts to set it up. I remembered something though so I figured I'd ask your input because you've been so helpful thus far. I remembered my lmp started late March 15th which with a normal cycle would have put ovulation at March 29th. My cycles are are always really irregular and fairly late. Do you think that it still supports number 2? Sorry for all the questions, I know I will get my answers soon enough but something like this plays on the mind continuously and I want to be as prepared for the results as possible

[AnnieBrooke]

An average cycle length of an average woman in the population who has regular cycles, tells exactly nothing about when you, with your irregular cycles, will ovulate. If your cycles are irregular, saying "with a normal cycle [it] would have put ovulation at _____ , which guy could be the dad?" means about as much as just drawing a number out of a hat for the length of a cycle. You can figure out what any possible ovulation date in March or April means in terms of which guy, but it doesn't answer the question of who is the father because you don't know when *you* ovulated.  An average cycle length tells you nothing about your cycle length.

Glad you got in touch with the courts and set up the testing.

[Marymary28]

I have one more question.. I'm calling the courts tomorrow to finally get this done. However one thing bothers me. The guy from March has dimples and my baby has one dimple on his one cheek, where as o don't nor does the April guy. Do you think that is a strong indicator or because of his fat baby cheeks

[AnnieBrooke]

Tuesday, you mean?  (Tomorrow is MLK Day and most likely the courts are closed.)

So.  Hm.  You can't stop from imaging worst-case scenarios.  Here are some of them as I understand what you've been saying:
-  You would have had living sperm in your body from the late-March guy until the first or second of April,
-  Your due date indicates April 5 conception which is too late for the first guy and right for the second guy except your ultrasound was rather late in the pregnancy, meaning there is a margin for error.  
-  But things stayed pretty stable, with the baby not growing overly rapidly nor looking overdue when born, but nobody commented on whether the baby could be overdue, but the baby wasn't too big
-  But (or and), nobody told you at 17w4d the baby's gender, thus possibly suggesting that the baby was too young to have been from the March sex, except that this doesn't actually signify because even by 17w they could have seen if the baby was a boy if the view had not been blocked
-  And you had a rough cervical exam (but it was when you were already past your due date from the April 5 guy, so what was that supposed to prove or rule out?)
-  And now you are worried about a dimple, though a dimple is not a proof of paternity

Unfortunately, you haven't really ever given me full enough information about what "17 weeks 4 days" was counted from (what calendar date was your 17w4d ultrasound done?)  Possibly if you had told me that, we could have ruled out the first guy more positively.  But things suggest the second guy more than the first guy.

Why don't you dig up some baby pictures of yourself as a newborn, and the guy from April as a newborn, and see if there is a dimple in either picture?

______

I am not trying to sound flippant, but seriously, there is NO GOOD TO BE HAD in obsessing and chasing after these fragmentary bits of so-called evidence.  They are not evidence, they are just you spinning around and around, and it's not worth it.  Make your plan, get your test, do what is necessary and go on with your life.  Your life will NOT be ruined if the worst fears are realized, you are the lucky one, you have a baby!  (Just drop in to the infertility forum and check out the sadness of women who want a child and can't have one, if you don't believe me.)

I wish you the best.  The dates and evidence favor the second guy.

[Marymary28]

Okay thanks Annie, you're a blessing

[Marymary28]

I will if guy one is the dad it would just ruin so much, I love guy 2 and I'm worried :(.

[AnnieBrooke]

Call the family courts in your area on Tuesday morning.  Ask the judge's clerk what labs are certified for determining paternity.  Get the test.

There is no use waiting and spinning endless theories and rationales when you can just confirm what the dates suggest.

[Marymary28]

Thanks Annie I will tell her to try a membrane sweep but not to count on it. Oh one other fact/question.. I had my first scan at exactly 17w4d according to measurments, if it was from sex from March I would have technically been over 18weeks like 18w2 days if the sperm from the 26th lasted a bit. Wouldn't they have been able to tell me the gender if I was? They didn't tell me the gender at that appointment so I had to go back when I was 21w2d but the baby measure at 21 weeks even. It was a boy

[AnnieBrooke]

Sorry, this is getting too complex while missing key information, so I can't answer. You haven't ever said what calendar date it was when you had your ultrasound, so it's imposssible to agree or disagree that "technically it would have been over 18 weeks 2 days" from anything to that date.

[AnnieBrooke]

I see the bottom part of what I wrote dropped out.  You are saying, I think, that if you had been pregnant from the first guy you think you would have been further along, so far along that you would have been told the gender at the appointment when they told you that you were 17 weeks and 4 days, is that correct?  I would answer just that part by saying they could have seen the gender just as well at 17 weeks 4 days, they didn't need to wait, and if they didn't or couldn't, it probably had to do with the view of the baby (sometimes the umbilical cord blocks the view) and not with the age of the baby.

So in short, assuming that you were really 17 weeks 4 days or less based on the fact that they didn't tell you the gender is not accurate.  Especially with a boy, there is no problem telling at 17 weeks 4 days what they could tell at 18 weeks 0 days.  A penis does not spring into existence in three days.

Anyway, stop worrying, get your DNA test, and go on with your life.  :)

[Marymary28]

One last question do you think that a rough cervical exam helps to induce labor or it was coincidental? I went into my appointment feeling great and left cramping and bleeding. I have a friend who is over due and trying to avoid induction.

[AnnieBrooke]

I've heard of women having their membranes stripped in an actual attempt to bring on labor, not just a rough exam but really trying, and it didn't work to bring on labor.  My impulse would be to think that in your case it was just coincidence.  (Not that it makes too much difference to your situation, as the baby had already gone past the point that suggested the first guy was the dad.)  If your friend is trying to avoid an exam in hopes of not getting induced, probably an exam alone no matter how rough would not bring on labor if the baby is not ready to come.

[Marymary28]

The doctor didn't say anything. Baby didn't look over due under 7lbs and didn't have dry skin or any signs of being very overdue. Do you believe babies are generally overdue by over a week or that their due dates are just miscalculated generally?

[AnnieBrooke]

I think from everything you have reported that the second guy has the strongest chance of being the dad. Get a DNA test with both of them if you can, or if you have to test with only one of them, test with him.  Use a certified lab (call the family courts and ask) and go in person together.  This should be a lab where everyone is photographed with their ID, don't use a home test.  Good luck!

[AnnieBrooke]

And it sounds like the doc thinks the baby was full term or full term plus three days?  Nobody is saying the baby is overdue, correct?  Anyway, your dates suggest the second guy is the dad.  I'd get a DNA test just to never have to wonder, but the first guy being the dad would be much more of a surprise.

[Marymary28]

Due date stayed same but he measured small on growth scans

[AnnieBrooke]

What does "he always measured behind" mean?  For example, if they told you at your first ultrasound that the due date was December 27, what did they tell you about the due date at later ultrasounds?