in need of advice

[July2baby]

So I've gotten advice from you,but bf is still in denial. I have no idea how to explain to him how I'm sure he's the dad. I need help :-/
Here's the info you need I just need a way to explain other guy can't be the dad.
My LMP started Sept.25th my cycles are longer usually 30 to 31 days
I had sex with friend the night before my period started.. me and my bf made up the next morning and I had sex with him from Sept 15th and on I missed my October period and went to an ultrasound ,Nov 20th stated I was 8 weeks baby measured 1.51cm crl. He keeps saying there's still a chance other man is possibly the dad but I only  had sex the night before my period with him he did finish in me but I don't see how sperm could've lived long enough to produce the pregnancy plus I'm pretty sure its not possible to conceive on your period,:( I just don't know what to say to him and baby is suppose to be here July 2nd we really can't afford to be wasting money on a DNA test but idk how to convince him to not worry and focus on our baby...

[July2baby]

I'll defiantly let you know! You've been a great help to me and I'm sure you wonder about the ladies who ask for your advice.. I promised him its his and explained as best I could he has been soooo much better and decided were going to get married as soon as we get the test, which I agreed to pay for since the whole situation is my fault I decided that's the least I can do for him:)

[AnnieBrooke]

That would be great.  A lot of times women don't close the loop and tell that everything came out as expected.

[July2baby]

Thank you very much for being patient with me I know its just the worry... Everything points to him I only have 5 weeks to go I'll let u known the outcome of the test:)

[AnnieBrooke]

I know how worrisome it can get.  One woman posted 105 times, asking me things like "would you be willing to swear it's my husband's baby?!?"  We're all volunteers on MedHelp, and it takes a long time to work out women's dates and ponder their timing and explain all the what-ifs clearly.  If you need more reassurance, read what I said again, and if something is not clear or seems not logical, by all means ask me, but I unfortunately all I can do is what I did.  Get the DNA test, it sounds like you are quite safe, but in some cases the woman's worry simply won't go away until she has the baby and has the DNA test.

[July2baby]

Ok I take that as a yes...sorry I'm just worried

[AnnieBrooke]

Hi, rather than go through the whole discussion again, here's the original discussion you and I had about your dates and your issue.  I don't think I can add anything else to it.  http://www.medhelp.org/posts/DNA---Paternity/ultrasounda/show/2147899#post_10272630

[July2baby]

??

[July2baby]

We're definitely going to get one... Are u sure I have nothing to worry about baby is definitely his?

[AnnieBrooke]

Don't worry, a DNA test after the baby is born does not cost a massive amount of money, not like a DNA test before the baby is born.  The certainty is well worth it.

[July2baby]

And he has said stuff like I've finished in every girl or never used a condom and never gotten anyone pregnant before when we fight so it just throws me off I guess.. but the 3d ultrasound did look just like him as a baby even though that's not very accurate lol

[July2baby]

Yea I agree with you completely, but my reason for not wanting the DNA test is for money reasons. We have a high house payment, car payment, insurance, and so much more. I just hate that he wants to spend money we don't have. But I know he deserves to be sure.. I tried telling him the way it works but I wasn't sure myself if you can concieve the night before your period, or if ultrasounds were accurate and stuff that's why I ask so many questions. I just want to be sure of myself because he wants the baby to be his and we've worked past the trouble and will get married but he says if the babies mine :-/ I just don't want to put him or myself through the heartbreak when I can do my research now and be sure of myself.. I'd love to get the new Dr to explain it but I am not really comfortable with him yet. I'm just hoping and praying the little girl is his cause I have 6 more weeks and his family has gotten everything for the baby:( I just want to be sure I guess its easier talking yo someone not face to face to help you with huge mistake you've made.

[AnnieBrooke]

who you are sure is your child's *father.*  lol

[AnnieBrooke]

It won't do any good for you or your relationship with your boyfriend who is already nervous to try to shift your you-slept-with-another-guy-kinda-soon-after-breaking-up situation into a "how dare he not believe me, I'm not going to satisfy him with a test in order to shame him that he does not believe me" situation.  Frankly, when a woman has slept with a couple of guys in relatively close time proximity, she does not have the moral high ground in the "how dare he not believe me" argument.  Hey, he has a bit of a reason to worry!

You have every reason to be confident in your dates, so be like a Christian with 4 aces, be gracious and sure, and have as your only concern that your beloved boyfriend have every proof he needs in order to feel certain himself.  A bad idea is to try to back out of a DNA test.  I don't see you have a lot of reason to be frightened that something might be incorrect in the figuring and the wrong guy would be dad.  But on the other hand, even if there is that chance, adults face up to the risks of things we do, even if we don't like the possible consequences.  

You gotta stop trying to control your boyfriend through moral indignance and comments designed to get him to do what you want.  Take him to your new doctor next time, and lay out all your dates, and let the new doctor tell your boyfriend what is what.   Your new doctor is not going to be alarmed or confused if you ask him to read your earliest ultrasound and give you the due date, and then to explain to your boyfriend when someone with that projected due date might have conceived, and to explain the significance of a period. Whatever you do, stop seeming like you don't want to do a DNA test.  What if the worst came to worst and the baby wasn't your boyfriend's, do you REALLY want to con him about that and make him carry 18 years of child support and the cost of college and all those years of work, commitment and love simply because you think it might be awkward if the test shows he is not the dad?

Anyway, play it the way I described, calm, confident and supportive of the man who you are sure is your child's baby.  It's the only way through this.

[July2baby]

ur Right It Would Be Stupid.To Not Get It To Prove A Point.. Im Almost %100 Percent Confident Baby Is His And Things Have Been Going So Good Im Just Scared Of Being Wrong An Making A a** Of Myself Having His Whole Family Excited. Ugh This Is To Difficult, And I Would Let The Dr Explain But Since He's My New Dr He Doesn't Know AboutThe Situation Like My Other Dr...

[AnnieBrooke]

I didn't mean you tell him what the doctor said, I meant, the doctor tell him.  Some guys won't hear from their girlfriends what they will hear from an official medical person.  Definitely get the test, you REALLY don't want him to secretly wonder from now until the child is grown up.  The unanswered doubts will erode his faith in you, which of course has already taken a hit because you slept with someone else right after the two of your broke up.  Don't push this aside, because it will awaken in him the worry that you don't want to test because you think the other guy is the dad.  Just be confident, accept that he needs this for his peace of mind, and go forward.

[July2baby]

I guess your right about that, I asked the Dr myself she said you can't get pregnant the day before your menstraul period starts...but he doesn't seem to believe me :-/ I had switched drs and never expressed our problems with him now I'm kinda embarrased to. I guess I'll just let him get the test anyways even though i hate to since hes going to b paying all the bills that month cause ive tried telling him dates and stuff he just still thinks its possible I could've gotten pregnant that night regardless of the period.

[AnnieBrooke]

I think all you can do is tell him that you are confident in the numbers.  If you think he will, ask him to go to the doctor's with you and ask his questions, tell him to ask any question of the doctor that he has.  As I recall from your earlier questions, you were terribly nervous at first, and asked and asked and asked.  He probably picked that up on his nervous-new-dad radar and has not forgotten how unsure you were, and it will take some official information from the doctor to calm him down.  Tell the doctor that you need him or her to look at the first ultrasound when answering your boyfriend, so that early ultrasound you had at 7w6d will give the doc the info he or she needs to answer.

If you cannot convince your boyfriend to believe you, and you cannot get him to go to the doctor, then all you can do is get a DNA test when the baby is born.  I don't think DNA tests after the birth are that costly, and it will give him certainty and peace of mind for the rest of the baby's life.  Certainly you don't intend to go without one, knowing he is this nervous.  Just get the test.