People told me that I should get some help because I've been feeling very strange, they think that there is something mentally wrong with me so I wonder. I noticed that my behavior has changed and got quite worse.. I will tell you something about me, so that you know what are you dealing with.. I know that I shouldn't ask for a diagnosis, but I'm just asking for help and for a possibility - if there is one.. my life is hurting.. school.. family..
I felt depressed whole my life, but it never got this bad.. Now I have constant thoughts of suicide for weeks.. I'm feeling down, exhausted, I can barely concentrate on anything, I don't have any motivation.. I just feel like sleeping all day.. I don't eat much or I sometimes eat too much.. I feel so hopeless..
I have a fear of people. I don't like to be in a place where there is a lot of people, heck, I don't wanna be near people at all.. they are always doing something bad to me, they always talk about me.. I can't walk normally on street because of them. they are always watching, thinking, spying on you, even when you don't see them, they are always there.. I don't have many friends, I am even detaching from thous I have..
I can't think properly.. everything is so mixed in my head. I have so much to say but I don't know how. it might slip something.. I talk very understandable to everyone. they say I talk too fast, and that I just say something and they just stare not getting what I said. They just don't get my way.. they say I'm eccentric..
it bothers me that I can't find my purpose here on this world. I know I have a mission here but I seem to not get what it is. maybe this life is just a test for me. I bothers me so much.. how can I do what I'm meant to if I don't know what that is???
I don't know the cause of this behavior, but it might had something to do with magic. maybe someone has put a spell on me.. that thing is pretty much real. I know from the personal expirience that this thing is real..
thank you