Cant handle people - avoidant?

[tangeriene]

Cant handle people -

interactions with people and relationships with people are the things i desire most and yet what causes
the most discomfort anxiety and emotional upset. To the point where you would almost or do prefer to remain lonely-alone rather than expose yourself to the process of negotiating the terrain of human to human relating.

Staying only in relationships where I feel sure you are totally accepted wanted and understood 1oo%  by "safe" people... who have managed to prove themselves so.... and even then I find myself constantly questioning my own perceptions and judgments and even reality about the safety of those relationships. feeling inferior, flawed, incapable of competent social interaction regardless of evidence like getting through college. I am house bound and have refused to ride public transit and am not working all for overwhelming fear and anziety about being around people being exposed for my incompetence and embarrassed.... .no mattter how I tell myself this is irrational just get on the damn bus.... I cant. I don't know what Im doing ...get an interview you have a degree... I hang up when they call me back.....

....the upset of interacting with people especially strangers and on anything deeper than a surface level once acquainted agitates my emotions so. I often need a drink to calm down after dealing with them.

SO....I looked this all up. I think I have avoidant personality disorder. Wondering if this sounds  accurate and how and how I may go about discussing it with their counselor etc. Im 24 with a degree and am so stuck. Terrified of rejection and being reminded of my ineptness that I am unemployed unable to fix it, entirely dependent on my significant other I cant do anything now... This has to be worked on or Ill be stuck forever. How can I get this looked into and what do you think....
thank you sincerly

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You are doing exactly the right thing by going to a counselor...the diagnostic label is close enough descriptively, but the real problem is your self image and self esteem. Unfortunately you believe your own worst internal critic...you perpetuate the damage whomever in your life ruined your self confidence...that is actually the good news, because that means that you and your counselor can do something about it.  good luck,get to work, and you will get unstuck.

[tangeriene]

ps - although I only go to AA with my boyfriend by my side like velcro

[tangeriene]

I appreciate your input.
a few clarifications based on your comment.

-im not on social security or any other income assistance. At this point my living is -sustained by my boyfriends income only.
-I am starting with a new counselor
-I am on seroquel and soon to add lamictal for bipolar.
-I do believe in god but I dont go to church
-im super pale... so what little bit I am out of the house I always wear sunscreen or I fry
-I try to eat relatively healthy well balanced mostly veggies just cause their tasty whole grains... take vitamins, drink water...
- I tried volunteering but I was terrified away because of the uncomfortably of dealing with others and having to take the bust to get there.
-I want to work in a helping profession but I cant at this point in time and I cant do anything that requires too much self direction or interaction with others... and if I get to the place where I can... I also have to fix the overwhelming anxiety that causes me to flub up terribly and run away from interviews... either completely or highly crushed from drawing blanks and embarrassing myself.

I do hope in time to make the leaps not to waste my potential but this is a barrier I can not seem to remedy. I feel all the more guilty and worthless knowing how bad off others are. And i cant "just get over this" I try not to make that one more reason to kick myself... but It makes me feel selfish and pathetic....

And its so much more than just being worried about others opinions of me... and that's the thing that I cant seem to make anyone understand... I cant explain myself well enough I suppose... that's also part of the problem.

This is something Ive been dealing with and working at for so long. Fake it tell you make it.... i don't know I guess I cant really say what I need to... I dont want to be like this. If I could change myself I would have long ago. I need some clarification and some help to begin being able to function with others or I am stuck. Until that ... whatever is and has been in me... that I cant seem to explain ... I cant move forward in life the way I should be.

I have a long history of non acceptance and a pathetic unclear and low sense of self. and self esteem. I am trying to build it on my own now that I am beginning to see the patterns Im in but the monitoring the terror the... I just need to know how....to be...

The diagnosis is useful for obtaining appropriate tools to fix myself to be a useful human being.... i dont intend to be diagnosed all my life... my life ***** like this.... exactly why I need the diagnosis so I can fix me. I want to be able to get on a bus, to drive, to go to a grocery store without tension, to not break down at the slightest body gesture or derision...

Yeah I know about the alcoholism. I am a substance abuser.
I self medicate. My father was an alcoholic so is my boyfriend. I know the risks. But I toss them aside for the sake of some sense of soothing and security.
Also something Im currently working on. - Going to AA.

I do know theirs  hope for me... If I recieve the help I need. As weak as I am Im stubborn as hell and have survived a handful. I dont want too live like this I want to know how to feel ok with myself and to trust and be present rather than observing constantly. I know its a problem hating myself. Just one I am unable to fix myself. But I want a future. And I will fight for it, If some one can teach me how to not be me.

[botchedup]

Are you in counseling now?  Are you taking any meds, supplements, herbs, etc. besides the alcohol?  What is your degree in?  Include anything you are putting in your body,,,,don't forget birth control.  What kind of diet do you have, plant based, high carb, high protein???Do you exercise?  Are you involved in any activities that involve volunteer work or helping others who are in need, especially those who you are far better off than?  Do you live in a warm or cold climate?  Do you wear sunscreen? Is your significant other a care-taker and/or an enabler of your inner turmoil?  Do you have a relationship with God? (and don't worry, I'm not a zealot, but did have a "death" experience)  Setting goals for yourself and putting yourself first is key.  You may feel like those around you may already view you as "selfish" or "self-absorbed"--which probably adds to the panic and self-judgement you put on yourself because you really have a problem and they just don't get it.  I get it.  Your goals have to just be for you....forget the "others" right now. Even though it's relationships with people that you stress, it's only because your view of other people, what they think, and how they view you, has somehow been processed wrongly into your thinking.  This happens in many ways. Try to figure out what it might have been for you.  You can diagnose yourself up, down, left, and right, but you've got to get comfortable in your own skin....then relationships with others are much more manageable.  It sounds to me like you are letting "them" steal your power and your chi (life energy)  It helps alot with anxiety, panic, and people, also, if you can focus on yourself while taking the focus OFF of yourself.  Look around hunny-bun, there is ALWAYS some one or some child who has it worse than any of us here.  No pill or drink can force you to go work a saturday at the shelter, or collect food and jackets for the food pantry, I'm not saying make any committments to any one or agency but drop in on a different few maybe.  Maybe you and significant other can go pick apples or pumpkins,,,,bring them to the youth and family svcs..(sans sunscreen-more info on that later)..  Helping other people...especially those who are faring worse, will help you connect with your purpose, get you out of your own head,  and hopefully help you to realize that YOU CAN do whatever you put your mind to....Chemically balanced or not, and be better able to deal with other human beings.  You mentioned 'papers',,, just because you have to be "diagnosed" and 'labeled', in order to supplement your income because you are unable to work at this time,,,,DOES NOT mean you have 'no way to fix it'.  Believe me, No one at social security is going to be pissed that you made a full recovery, and they dont' make it a habit of asking patients with "psychological diagnoses" to give the treatment or income money back. Besides, all the paperwork that goes with that stuff is just that...paper.  It keeps everybody's I's and T's dotted and crossed.  Those are THEIR criteria NOT YOURS! or alot of other people's for that matter.  Many of us are only socially and politically "correct" for the same reasons that are torturing you!  We've just learned by now, not to let it make us crazy cuz none of those people are paying our bills or keeping us warm at night:)  I felt uncomfy in my own skin and worried what other's thought, and was a people pleaser until I was about 27.  So many years of anxiety and worry, looking back those moments are lost, I can't get them back.  You are YOUNG!!!  Degreed!  You will grow and change, and mature....how hard you make it on yourself along the way is up to you.  They just proved that the brain isn't even finished growing until 25, and for some, even past that.  I highly doubt you will be "diagnosed" for life....Just from your post we know you are smart, caring, and sensitive.  Sensitivity usually hurts for the growing up years but it will enrich your life as you journey on.:)  Drinking to feel more sociable is like the #1 reason people become alcoholics....not just because of their "emotional or mental state" but what alcohol does to your brain and body.  It changes your chemistry.  Over time it will not produce the same results and you will have an addiction or a disease even.  There is hope for you, don't doubt that for a second:)