DRUG RESISTANT DEPRESSION

[PATTIW]

IN THE PAST 15 YEARS I HAVE BEEN ON SEVERAL DIFFERENT DRUGS FOR DEPRESSION BUT THE LAST 6 YEARS HAVE BEEN THE WORST.  I HAVE TRIED EVERY SSRI WITH EVERY COMBO YOU COULD IMAGINE AND THIS IS WITHOUT EXAGERATION.  I HAVE HAD ECT WHICH MADE MY DEPRESSION EVEN DEEPER, I ONLY THINK DEEPER AND DARKER THOUGHTS WHEN I SINK INTO THESE DEPRESSIONS.  THE MEDS THEY PUT ME ON WORK FOR MAYBE 3 TO 4 MONTHS AND THEN JUST STOP AND I SLIDE INTO A DEEP DARK SPOT WHERE MY THOUGHTS TURN SUICIDAL, I TURN TO CUTTING, I ISOLATE, AND VOICES START IN MY HEAD FORTIFYING MY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.  AS OF RIGHT NOW I AM ON TOPEMAX, NEURONTIN, XANAX, SEROQUEL, TAPERING OFF LEXAPRO, JUST CAME OFF KEPPRA, AND WILL START PARNATE IN TWO WEEKS. ALSO, BECAUSE OF MY AGE AND BEING PERIMENOPAUSAL THEY ARE GOING TO START ME ON ESTROGEN AND PREMIN WHICH THEY THINK WILL HELP WITH THE DEPRESSION.
I JUST FEEL I AM ON THE EDGE AND READY TO JUMP BECAUSE I CAN'T SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE, IM ONLY 45, LIVING LIKE THIS IS AWFUL AND TAKING A TOLL ON ME AND EVERY DEPRESSION GETS DEEPER AND DARKER AND THE VISIONS GET WORSE AND VOICES GET LOUDER.
DO YOU THINK THAT GOING THE PARNATE ROUTE WILL HELP? DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? I AM IN PSYCHOTHERAPY WEEKLY, I WAS DOING DBT BUT THAT REALLY WASN/T WORKING OUT. I NEED HELP ANYBODY.

[Mayally]

Let's see..it's 2011 and these were posted in '03. I don't expect this will reach many (if anyone). None the less, I'll add my 2c.

I have had major depressive disorder since age 9. (I personally say since birth). All antidepressents sedated me and were so ineffective I became more depressed and hopeless with no light at the end of this dark tunnel (unless one considers suicide the light..which, of course, I did).

When an antisocial, odd~bird of a Psychiatrist rolled his eyes at me when I pulled out all bottles of Rx's and begged him to tell me WHY nothing works on me. He said you've never been on an MAOi, wrote the Rx and that was that. I didn't expect much. Matter of fact, went home after filling the Rx and put on pj's (normal for me..was sleeping 17 hours p/day). I took the 1st dose.

For the 1st time in several months I stood up and looked out of the window. It was as if the thick, toxic, disabling fog had had a layer removed. I didn't spring to action & function. But I could THiNK about it. Those of you with depression will understand that. And YOU are who I'm writing this for.

I started to cry. Not because of depression.not hopelessness. But because I thought that this must be what 'normal' people feel like. I felt 'normal'. At least I thought it was what normal must be like.

I hadn't done laundry or opened mail in months. I would slip to the all~night grocery store for 20 mins., once p/week and other than that, stayed in my sleep coma, on the couch, in pajamas.

Parnate helped me to achieve function for a few months, and for THAT I will always be grateful. No one would have ever accepted the restrictions and side effects. I did because it was the 1st time I had any functionality at all.

I woke up promptly at 2:30am and remained awake until 6am. I was 'gifted' 4 hours of function. I altered the time of dose (from 9am & 6pm) to both at 11pm (hoping my four, 'good' hours could be flipped to possibly 2:30pm to 6pm.

Never happened. It didn't change a thing.Taking the 1st dose of the day meant deep sleep within 5 mins. I slept for 8~9 hours. Upon awakening, I took the 2nd dose. Within 5 mins., another 7~8 hours of deep sleep. Until..BiNGO: The 2:30am Parnate wake~up call.

Over time, (3 months or so) I slept longer and longer. I met with the non~communicative Shrink and he upped the dose to 3 p/day.

He suggested 2 at 11pm, 1 at 7am. I STiLL continued to wake up at 2:30am ~ 6am.

By the 4th month I was doing better, but I would qualify this is a side effect of my 4 hour p/day function window of opportunity. This (although brief) was enough for me to tackle unopened mail, and organize what I hadn't been able to do for so long. I hadn't even looked in some drawers or cupboards for over a year.

No one else on the planet would have accepted such a rediculous arrangement. 'Normal' people would've discontinued any med that resulted in forced sedation and only 4 hours of function. No one would agree to not have dental work, not eat over~ripe fruit, and not take any over~the~counter meds. I would've painted my face purple and severed a limb for functionality.

Into month 5 I had hit sleep coma, again. I had been a nonfunctioning, sleeping lump without the Parnate. All the Parnate seemed to do was chemically sedate me..and (my guess) the 4 'good' hours were when it was lessened in my system. But by the 5th month the sedation was constant. I virtually never woke up.

Mentioning this to my Dr., he said 'you slept that much, anyway'. To which I replied "..but this is SEDATiON". I had my 4 'good' hours reduced to about 2 hours and 45 minutes. I experienced severe short term memory loss. I was dizzy and foggy upon standing or sitting. I had extremely low blood pressure. I fainted a few times. I was told I looked peculiar and glassy eyed. I fell off of a ladder and suffered a concussion. After that I suffered severe headaches and the constant sleep increased. By the 8th month I surrendered. I finally admitted defeat. I finally discontinued the only thing that had ever allowed me functionality. I truly mourned the loss. I was both sadened as well as relieved to have it out of my system. In retrospect, it turned a sleeping, depressed human into a sedated, foggy, peculiar glassy~eyed non~human. I honestly don't think I should have driven a car when I was on Parnate. The sub~par Shrink mumbled weening~off vs quitting cold turkey. (Important) but did not offer any explanation as to Parnate's having ceased. I believe he said "..the non-clinical term is pooped~out". I phoned Glaxo~Smith~Klien and pleaded with their advisors for an answer.

All associates became nervous and cagey..(who knows why) My guess is they all feel they can sense litigation..?! Who wants to sue anybody? I just wanted one of their pharmacology experts and product advisors to ADViSE ME. I just wanted them to offer some reasonable explanation as to why all other antidepressents sedated me, and the only one that gave me some function time (all be it short) which they manufactured..why did it sedate me after a few months. What ELSE could I try? What ELSE can they recommend?

Crickets chirped.

If it was a perfect world, if my Shrink was not incapable of conversing with his patients, if I had had anyone else to go to..if I wasn't disabled by chronic hypersomnia and depression..but I didn't and I had about a year of sleep ahead.

Fast forward to a new Psychiatrist and this one was very reluctant to risk MAOi's at all. She had me on three different anti~depressents (took me off without weening and started a new). So negligent it was (still is) frightening. She agreed to Nardil, saying it was simply the generic of Parnate.

Nardil caused constant sedation from minute one. I was literally permanently sedated. I asked for answers and received nothing to hang my hat on. I retreated to my bed after that.

I apologize for the length of this. I get emotional just thinking about how we all build our hopes up for a "cure". How we hope and pray "this one will work this time"..but they do not. Summoning the strength to venture out and try to find help is so difficult. It's pitiful, even.

If anyone reads this..I'm so genuinely sorry you're suffering. Been There. Done That. Doing That, still.

Suicide? Are you kidding?! How SANE would one be to be completely ok with this? Who WOULDN'T consider suicide? Of course I think about it. I've made a pact with myself to try my best to find a Dr. who will listen and actually HELP. I vowed to at least try to find treatment. I hope you make yourself the same promise.

I hope the next time we spin the dice, we'll land on a medication that will help us all.

God Speed

[Mayally]

Let's see..it's 2011 and these were posted in '03. I don't expect this will reach many (if anyone). None the less, I'll add my 2c.

I have had major depressive disorder since age 9. (I personally say since birth). All antidepressents sedated me and were so ineffective I became more depressed and hopeless with no light at the end of this dark tunnel (unless one considers suicide the light..which, of course, I did).

When an antisocial, odd~bird of a Psychiatrist rolled his eyes at me when I pulled out all bottles of Rx's and begged him to tell me WHY nothing works on me. He said you've never been on an MAOi, wrote the Rx and that was that. I didn't expect much. Matter of fact, went home after filling the Rx and put on pj's (normal for me..was sleeping 17 hours p/day). I took the 1st dose.

For the 1st time in several months I stood up and looked out of the window. It was as if the thick, toxic, disabling fog had had a layer removed. I didn't spring to action & function. But I could THiNK about it. Those of you with depression will understand that. And YOU are who I'm writing this for.

I started to cry. Not because of depression.not hopelessness. But because I thought that this must be what 'normal' people feel like. I felt 'normal'. At least I thought it was what normal must be like.

I hadn't done laundry or opened mail in months. I would slip to the all~night grocery store for 20 mins., once p/week and other than that, stayed in my sleep coma, on the couch, in pajamas.

Parnate helped me to achieve function for a few months, and for THAT I will always be grateful. No one would have ever accepted the restrictions and side effects. I did because it was the 1st time I had any functionality at all.

I woke up promptly at 2:30am and remained awake until 6am. I was 'gifted' 4 hours of function. I altered the time of dose (from 9am & 6pm) to both at 11pm (hoping my four, 'good' hours could be flipped to possibly 2:30pm to 6pm.

Never happened. It didn't change a thing.Taking the 1st dose of the day meant deep sleep within 5 mins. I slept for 8~9 hours. Upon awakening, I took the 2nd dose. Within 5 mins., another 7~8 hours of deep sleep. Until..BiNGO: The 2:30am Parnate wake~up call.

Over time, (3 months or so) I slept longer and longer. I met with the non~communicative Shrink and he upped the dose to 3 p/day.

He suggested 2 at 11pm, 1 at 7am. I STiLL continued to wake up at 2:30am ~ 6am.

By the 4th month I was doing better, but I would qualify this is a side effect of my 4 hour p/day function window of opportunity. This (although brief) was enough for me to tackle unopened mail, and organize what I hadn't been able to do for so long. I hadn't even looked in some drawers or cupboards for over a year.

No one else on the planet would have accepted such a rediculous arrangement. 'Normal' people would've discontinued any med that resulted in forced sedation and only 4 hours of function. No one would agree to not have dental work, not eat over~ripe fruit, and not take any over~the~counter meds. I would've painted my face purple and severed a limb for functionality.

Into month 5 I had hit sleep coma, again. I had been a nonfunctioning, sleeping lump without the Parnate. All the Parnate seemed to do was chemically sedate me..and (my guess) the 4 'good' hours were when it was lessened in my system. But by the 5th month the sedation was constant. I virtually never woke up.

Mentioning this to my Dr., he said 'you slept that much, anyway'. To which I replied "..but this is SEDATiON". I had my 4 'good' hours reduced to about 2 hours and 45 minutes. I experienced severe short term memory loss. I was dizzy and foggy upon standing or sitting. I had extremely low blood pressure. I fainted a few times. I was told I looked peculiar and glassy eyed. I fell off of a ladder and suffered a concussion. After that I suffered severe headaches and the constant sleep increased. By the 8th month I surrendered. I finally admitted defeat. I finally discontinued the only thing that had ever allowed me functionality. I truly mourned the loss. I was both sadened as well as relieved to have it out of my system. In retrospect, it turned a sleeping, depressed human into a sedated, foggy, peculiar glassy~eyed non~human. I honestly don't think I should have driven a car when I was on Parnate. The sub~par Shrink mumbled weening~off vs quitting cold turkey. (Important) but did not offer any explanation as to Parnate's having ceased. I believe he said "..the non-clinical term is pooped~out". I phoned Glaxo~Smith~Klien and pleaded with their advisors for an answer.

All associates became nervous and cagey..(who knows why) My guess is they all feel they can sense litigation..?! Who wants to sue anybody? I just wanted one of their pharmacology experts and product advisors to ADViSE ME. I just wanted them to offer some reasonable explanation as to why all other antidepressents sedated me, and the only one that gave me some function time (all be it short) which they manufactured..why did it sedate me after a few months. What ELSE could I try? What ELSE can they recommend?

Crickets chirped.

If it was a perfect world, if my Shrink was not incapable of conversing with his patients, if I had had anyone else to go to..if I wasn't disabled by chronic hypersomnia and depression..but I didn't and I had about a year of sleep ahead.

Fast forward to a new Psychiatrist and this one was very reluctant to risk MAOi's at all. She had me on three different anti~depressents (took me off without weening and started a new). So negligent it was (still is) frightening. She agreed to Nardil, saying it was simply the generic of Parnate.

Nardil caused constant sedation from minute one. I was literally permanently sedated. I asked for answers and received nothing to hang my hat on. I retreated to my bed after that.

I apologize for the length of this. I get emotional just thinking about how we all build our hopes up for a "cure". How we hope and pray "this one will work this time"..but they do not. Summoning the strength to venture out and try to find help is so difficult. It's pitiful, even.

If anyone reads this..I'm so genuinely sorry you're suffering. Been There. Done That. Doing That, still.

Suicide? Are you kidding?! How SANE would one be to be completely ok with this? Who WOULDN'T consider suicide? Of course I think about it. I've made a pact with myself to try my best to find a Dr. who will listen and actually HELP. I vowed to at least try to find treatment. I hope you make yourself the same promise.

I hope the next time we spin the dice, we'll land on a medication that will help us all.

God Speed

[Mayally]

Let's see..it's 2011 and these were posted in '03. I don't expect this will reach many (if anyone). None the less, I'll add my 2c.

I have had major depressive disorder since age 9. (I personally say since birth). All antidepressents sedated me and were so ineffective I became more depressed and hopeless with no light at the end of this dark tunnel (unless one considers suicide the light..which, of course, I did).

When an antisocial, odd~bird of a Psychiatrist rolled his eyes at me when I pulled out all bottles of Rx's and begged him to tell me WHY nothing works on me. He said you've never been on an MAOi, wrote the Rx and that was that. I didn't expect much. Matter of fact, went home after filling the Rx and put on pj's (normal for me..was sleeping 17 hours p/day). I took the 1st dose.

For the 1st time in several months I stood up and looked out of the window. It was as if the thick, toxic, disabling fog had had a layer removed. I didn't spring to action & function. But I could THiNK about it. Those of you with depression will understand that. And YOU are who I'm writing this for.

I started to cry. Not because of depression.not hopelessness. But because I thought that this must be what 'normal' people feel like. I felt 'normal'. At least I thought it was what normal must be like.

I hadn't done laundry or opened mail in months. I would slip to the all~night grocery store for 20 mins., once p/week and other than that, stayed in my sleep coma, on the couch, in pajamas.

Parnate helped me to achieve function for a few months, and for THAT I will always be grateful. No one would have ever accepted the restrictions and side effects. I did because it was the 1st time I had any functionality at all.

I woke up promptly at 2:30am and remained awake until 6am. I was 'gifted' 4 hours of function. I altered the time of dose (from 9am & 6pm) to both at 11pm (hoping my four, 'good' hours could be flipped to possibly 2:30pm to 6pm.

Never happened. It didn't change a thing.Taking the 1st dose of the day meant deep sleep within 5 mins. I slept for 8~9 hours. Upon awakening, I took the 2nd dose. Within 5 mins., another 7~8 hours of deep sleep. Until..BiNGO: The 2:30am Parnate wake~up call.

Over time, (3 months or so) I slept longer and longer. I met with the non~communicative Shrink and he upped the dose to 3 p/day.

He suggested 2 at 11pm, 1 at 7am. I STiLL continued to wake up at 2:30am ~ 6am.

By the 4th month I was doing better, but I would qualify this is a side effect of my 4 hour p/day function window of opportunity. This (although brief) was enough for me to tackle unopened mail, and organize what I hadn't been able to do for so long. I hadn't even looked in some drawers or cupboards for over a year.

No one else on the planet would have accepted such a rediculous arrangement. 'Normal' people would've discontinued any med that resulted in forced sedation and only 4 hours of function. No one would agree to not have dental work, not eat over~ripe fruit, and not take any over~the~counter meds. I would've painted my face purple and severed a limb for functionality.

Into month 5 I had hit sleep coma, again. I had been a nonfunctioning, sleeping lump without the Parnate. All the Parnate seemed to do was chemically sedate me..and (my guess) the 4 'good' hours were when it was lessened in my system. But by the 5th month the sedation was constant. I virtually never woke up.

Mentioning this to my Dr., he said 'you slept that much, anyway'. To which I replied "..but this is SEDATiON". I had my 4 'good' hours reduced to about 2 hours and 45 minutes. I experienced severe short term memory loss. I was dizzy and foggy upon standing or sitting. I had extremely low blood pressure. I fainted a few times. I was told I looked peculiar and glassy eyed. I fell off of a ladder and suffered a concussion. After that I suffered severe headaches and the constant sleep increased. By the 8th month I surrendered. I finally admitted defeat. I finally discontinued the only thing that had ever allowed me functionality. I truly mourned the loss. I was both sadened as well as relieved to have it out of my system. In retrospect, it turned a sleeping, depressed human into a sedated, foggy, peculiar glassy~eyed non~human. I honestly don't think I should have driven a car when I was on Parnate. The sub~par Shrink mumbled weening~off vs quitting cold turkey. (Important) but did not offer any explanation as to Parnate's having ceased. I believe he said "..the non-clinical term is pooped~out". I phoned Glaxo~Smith~Klien and pleaded with their advisors for an answer.

All associates became nervous and cagey..(who knows why) My guess is they all feel they can sense litigation..?! Who wants to sue anybody? I just wanted one of their pharmacology experts and product advisors to ADViSE ME. I just wanted them to offer some reasonable explanation as to why all other antidepressents sedated me, and the only one that gave me some function time (all be it short) which they manufactured..why did it sedate me after a few months. What ELSE could I try? What ELSE can they recommend?

Crickets chirped.

If it was a perfect world, if my Shrink was not incapable of conversing with his patients, if I had had anyone else to go to..if I wasn't disabled by chronic hypersomnia and depression..but I didn't and I had about a year of sleep ahead.

Fast forward to a new Psychiatrist and this one was very reluctant to risk MAOi's at all. She had me on three different anti~depressents (took me off without weening and started a new). So negligent it was (still is) frightening. She agreed to Nardil, saying it was simply the generic of Parnate.

Nardil caused constant sedation from minute one. I was literally permanently sedated. I asked for answers and received nothing to hang my hat on. I retreated to my bed after that.

I apologize for the length of this. I get emotional just thinking about how we all build our hopes up for a "cure". How we hope and pray "this one will work this time"..but they do not. Summoning the strength to venture out and try to find help is so difficult. It's pitiful, even.

If anyone reads this..I'm so genuinely sorry you're suffering. Been There. Done That. Doing That, still.

Suicide? Are you kidding?! How SANE would one be to be completely ok with this? Who WOULDN'T consider suicide? Of course I think about it. I've made a pact with myself to try my best to find a Dr. who will listen and actually HELP. I vowed to at least try to find treatment. I hope you make yourself the same promise.

I hope the next time we spin the dice, we'll land on a medication that will help us all.

God Speed

[pixipunx]

I know exactly how you feel.  I've been struggling with drug resistant depression for thirteen years.  I've been to more doctors and been on more anti-depressants than I can count and nothing has helped.  I was ready to end it last month when I was convinced to try one more doctor.

I went to this doctor and after fifteen minutes of medical background conversation, she gave me the answer I've been waiting for.  She said that in cases of persistent drug resistant depression, many doctors have misdiagnosed and treated patients for depression when in fact it is very commonly bi-polarII.

They took me off the Anti Depressants and put me on a low dose of Depakote (mood stabilizer).  Even though this drug is supposed to treat mania in manic depressives, and I don't have manic episodes, I've found that it works wonderfully!

I've been on this drug for two weeks and I REALLY have never felt better in my life.

I know how it feels to be so far down that you can't imagine there's a way out.  I found one.  Maybe it'll work for you to.  

Blessed Be,
Pixipunx

[Koala]

You know I have been "depressed" on and off my whole adult life....I have been on different meds with different results....I sometimes use to say Paxil made me feel "fake" happy...I have done some deep inner looking and there are demons that I need to get out of my heart and mind....finding the right psycho therapist will be hard but I don't believe I can work out my issues without help...
Best of luck,
@(*O*)@

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Parnate has always been a very effective medication.  In addition, see whether you can go to psychotherapy more often for a while and get into the psychological core of your depression.  There is always a core...it can help a lot.

[lucylucy]

hello
sorry to hear u are going through this terrible time.  I hope the medications help you this time, and did you say your were going to try hormone replacement therapy?  Hopefully this will assist you.  In the meantime.. why don't you try chatting at this address.  They have some good people there.. and good people : chats.http://panicdisorder.about.com/mbody.htm
good luck,
Peggy