Coping with depression

[DizzyDolly]

Hi
I was diagnosed with depression and OCD about three years ago.
I'm finding it very hard to cope with everything, as I seem to have no control over any part of my life. I feel like my emotions rule everything I do. I obsess that people will think I’m disgusting and that I will fail in everything I do if I don't make sure every piece of work I do is in my opinion acceptable or if I don't make sure I am clean and I feel my appearance looks ok, though I never actually feel happy with it anyway. I feel that these rule how I spend my time and have no concept of time whatsoever, so I’m always, always running behind or being late. Whenever I try to seek help, by the time I actually get an appointment for therapy, my emotional state has changed and I have no motivation to go. One minute it seems I feel suicidal, then I feel nothing, and now I feel no emotion, yet not in the morbid sense just detached. My emotions change so much, I find it hard to keep track of anything. I also struggle with extreme fatigue and a lack of motivation, which caused to start self-prescribing myself modafinil to get through the day. I don't know how to break out of this. It affects my ability to keep jobs and keep up with college. I go to see my g.p. and they just stick me on a waiting list, they don't offer me any help, advice or medication. Although I'd rather not be medicated, I just desperate for anything that will help me cope and get out of this. I mean, the g.p wouldn't even give me modafinil cos she "wasn't qualified" no matter how much I explained that the tiredness was driving me to suicide because I couldn't find one single day without being exhausted, no matter how much sleep I got. If I start trying to control one aspect of my life, e.g. my time keeping, I loose control over everything else. Then I can even get control of that and I feel like such a failure. It feels like a vicious, downward spiral.

How can I start regaining some control? I need some practical advice.

[DizzyDolly]

Hi
I'm currently on a waiting list to see one, however, I have to wait ages before I see one. I don't think I will last until then. I was wondering if there was anything I myself could do to keep me going.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

To be very practical, there is only one thing you have to do and that is to make an appointment with a therapist and go to the appointment.  You need help, and that is the way to get it.