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Is he Bi Polar
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Is he Bi Polar

I am wondering if my husband is showing signs of Bipolar disorder.  His mother was afflicted with Bipolar for 15-20 years before she got help.
What makes me wonder is, he has become very paranoid.  He thinks everyone is out to get him, get even, teach him a lesson, he's the only honest person who operates in good faith, he trusts no one.  He thinks people have nothing better to do than plot out a way to get back at him.  For Example, he asked maintenance to come by and fix our air. They haven't come yet. He thinks it's because he asked them to fix it and now they are just trying to get even.  I have no idea what the motive is or why maintenance would care that he called.  Everyone is a suspect. His boss is out to get him, his secretary is plotting a way to make life harder, always paranoid. There isn't a woman in this world who isn't a schemer, trying to rob men blind. He spends an awful lot of time being paranoid about the intentions of women.
Another thing is he is in a constant state of being pissed off. He is angry about everything and snaps very easily.  I never know what might set him off or "hurt his feelings."  He threatens to leave, but never goes.  He tells me he hates me and never loved and refuses to have kids because he thinks I will divorce him and take all his money. He loses his temper quick if I don't answer his questions they way he thinks I should.  He constantly asks me to guess how he's feeling and what he might be thinking.  At this point I have no idea, and that sets him off.  Maybe I should know, I have no idea.  
He is also a neat freak, not clean, just neat.  Paper anywhere drives him crazy, dishes can never sit.  This are things his mother does as well.

I never see him happy.  Everything pisses him off.  he's not violent, but I haven't seen an ounce of happiness or joy or even him doing something that brings him joy and happiness.

Is this a sign of Bipolar disorder.  How do you tell someone who might have bipolar signs that they are bipolar, especially when they think you are the one with the problem?  Are there websites that counsel in how to let someone know I think you might have a mental illness?

Any suggestions??I want the guy I married back.
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The specific diagnosis is not the issue here.  The issue is your husband needs help, and he needs it badly, and without question. You are also right when you think that is going to be hard to tell him and hard to get him help.  Your goal should be to get him into the office an experienced psychiatrist. Possibly you can do that through your medical doctor.

You might get some help from his family or other family members or friends.  You have to tell him you are worried about him, want your old husband back.  I suggest you do not confront him with his paranoia or possible diagnosis but instead about his unhappiness and your relationship.

I don't know of any specific sites to help you.  Maybe some of the members of this forum have some other experiences or know of some sites.  YOu might search for mental health sites in general.
7 Comments
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Avatar_n_tn
It sounds like Bi Poler to me, because just recantly my mother was diagnost with the Bipolar disorder, and she was doing all of the things your husband was doing... She even started picking up trash from the streats thinking that it was dangerous to have around the house.   Now you do need to get him some help, if he will not go willingly you need to go to court and get a paper saying that your husband needs medical attention and that he might hurt himself... after they take him to the hospital he may not take the medication willingly so the doctor might have to go and get another paper from the court so that they can give him the medication fourcefully.... thanks and i hope the best for you husband and all the Bi Poler suffaries.........
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Avatar_n_tn
Wow, it seems like you are married to MY husband too!  How funny, I logged onto this site today for the first time and see almost the exact description of what we're now trying to deal with.  

My husband has almost the exact same symptoms as yours: if someone accidentally bumps into him on the street it must be intentional and it sets him off for the rest of the day.  Slow line at the grocery store? The check-out girl must be working extra slowly just to get at him.  Didn't get our paper this morning?  Either the paper boy has it in for us and deliberately didn't deliver it, or one of the neighbors must be out to get us and came over at 5am this morning to steal it.  Etc. etc. etc., the list goes on and on.  He's angry almost 24/7 at things which I can't even fathom -- he'll explode into a rage because of something which I already forgot about but has been ticking inside him like a time bomb.  I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time trying not to set him off, but since I never know what will make him mad I am usually unsuccessful.  And like your husband, he is not violent at all.  And I have hardly EVER seen him calm and happy, he is always agitated and in some level of being pissed at someone or something.

His mom died six months ago and in the course of settling her business we learned a few things -- 1) she was diagnosed as bi-polar (it was on her hospital chart) which was something we all suspected but she wouldn't talk to anyone about it, and 2) my husband was diagnosed with severe ADD as a child and even took Ritalin for years without even knowing it -- his sister told us that the vitamins he took every morning as a boy weren't vitamins at all but were Ritalin.  When she told us about the ADD it was like a lightbulb went off over my head, A-ha!  As an adult he has had trouble holding down a job; every real or imagined slight turns into a huge obstacle at work so he'll just quit; his mind is always somewhere else when you're talking to him; his legs are twitching constantly; he finds it hard to concentrate on anything which he isn't interested in -- directions, financial matters, details, all zoom over his head.  And yet he is sooo smart and intellectual in some areas, and can be funny and sweet, charming and intelligent..... when he's not pissed off, of course.

One good thing here -- my husband finally recognizes that he really needs help (he just quit yet another job after a whopping 4 days there and financially we're sliding down the tubes FAST) so we've scheduled an appt. with a psychiatrist for a week and a half from now.  My fingers are crossed that something will help, I feel like I'm at my wits end.

Sorry for the long reply -- I'm just so amazed to read of the same type of thing, I was feeling so overwhelmed by everything.  You say that your mother-in-law eventually got treatment -- what was it? Has it worked? Is there a noticeable difference?  I am really curious if she was successfully treated, since we never got that chance with my mother-in-law.

Thanks -- Mary
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi, I have a friend who was diagnosed as having bi-polar disorder.  Your husband mainly sounds paranoid but have him checked out anyway.  I will tell you what my friend was like BEFORE a long stay in the mental hospital and being put on lithium.
My friend was extremely sexually promiscuous.  She would meet a guy and have had sex with him within hours, even forcing him (though pestering)if he tried to shake her off.  Most men had sex with her just to get rid of her once-and-for-all because she was a complete and utter pest.  She would also try to pick up guys for me, making a huge deal of me in public which was embarrassing.  She would do this in shops, on buses, everywhere a man was in sight.  She shouted, screamed and fluttered her arms about in public.  Yet when she spoke (esp about herself) she painted a picture of complete sophistocation.  It was apparent to everyone who saw her that "something was wrong" though.  She was very grandiose, brazengly putting others down to their faces and picking faults with everything.  What one person would tactfully withhold, she'd burst out with in the middle of dinner, in front of everyone with a complete disregard for the consequences or feelings of others. She was ungrateful and asked for more rather than saying thanks.  She was impossible to live with, and believed she was superior human and everyone was her humble subjects.  This happened when she was manic.  When she plummeted into depression, she would beat her husband, threaten her baby (to the point where it needed 24 hour nurse guard at the hospital). She also tried to kill herself many times during bouts of psychosis where men and demons would menace her until she got out a carving knife and slashed all up her arms.  It sounds horrible but you really begin to hate them when they are this bad (they are uncontrolable and violent and abusive) but that is the nature of the illness.  When my friend "went mental" I felt like I was going mental too, that's how debilitating it is for by-standers.  My friend is a totally different person when she is on Lithium.  And much happier too!
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Avatar_n_tn
I'm reading these posts and it sounds like my in laws and all the problems they have had over the years.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I thought I was nuts, and the only one who is dealing with this.

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Avatar_n_tn
about.com has very good material on bipolar disorder, however if your husband doesn
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Avatar_n_tn
50 yrs. old and bipolar,just found out.I am paranoid,angry,sad,have an atitude towards most people I meet and
have nothing good to say about anyone,I lost hope and am trying lithium now,seeing a therapist and a doctor.I am relieved that my problem is a medically know and treatable one,now I am full of questions about my condition and need a group to meet with who also has the condition.Help staten island
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Avatar_n_tn
hi
im kalie imonly 14 but i have bi poler disorder
and that sounds a lot how i act ther is a web site you can go to its
http://www.bipolarawareness.com/ just go to that and take that test its realy easy and you can do it for him they also have medication
for bi poler i take it but yeah
                                      sincerly
                                          kalie
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