I have been married to "Kevin" for 21 years. We have 3 teenaged sons. I have not been in love with Kevin for a long time. Meaning: I took the vows before God, therefore I planned to stay in the marriage and do my best to be a "good" wife, but I had no romantic feelings, or any feeling of love any more for Kevin. Kevin had been a good dad, and a good provider all these years. However, Kevin had a very low self-esteem and didn't like himself much, even though he was a successful professional. Any feelings of attraction I had ever had for Kevin were long gone, as he had gained almost 100 pounds since our marriage and basically repulsed me. And yet I knew that a "good wife" should be available sexually for her husband whenever he had the need, and so I was. And did Kevin have needs! The more overweight he became, the more insecure he became, and the more affirmation he needed...thus, the more sexual gratification he needed. With Kevin's dislike for himself, I too found it easy to dislike him, although I played the role and continued to do the things that made me feel like a "good wife". Kevin's unwarranted jealousy down through the years, sometimes quite extreme and volatile, added to my dislike for him. I was stuck in a marriage, due to my religious convictions, and I was ready to die...my children would be soon leaving the nest, and I began praying that God would allow me to have cancer. Now, I don't want to imply that Kevin was a horrible guy. Quite the contrary, he was doting and loving, but in a suffocating way. It's like there would be peace in our relationship as long as I stayed at home, dressed in a frumpy manner, and didn't think too much of myself or exert any independence. As you can imagine, there came a breaking point, and that was when my former fiance entered the picture after 20 years apart. Although I knew it was wrong and I fought it, I fell in love with this man all over again and soon knew that my heart, which had been basically "up for grabs" at this point, had been won---by him. Kevin had never truly won my heart. I had raised 3 children with him and loved that part of life, but my marriage was out of duty at that time, not because of enduring love. So to make a long story short, my former fiance and I had a love affair, mostly from a distance, as he lives with his family many miles away from me. It is now over, as he has made the decision to stay with his family, although he has made it clear that he will always be in love me. So I have closed that chapter on my life. The problem now is that Kevin is pressing me to either put 100% into our relationship or end it (making sure I know that I would be ruining our children's lives if I did end it). Whenever I try to imagine "making it work", I can't bring myself to imagine making love to him, let alone all of the other ways I would be expected to love him. Is there a certain syndrome where women who are suffocated by a jealous husband can't regain "it"?