On Meds, but still depressed, anxious & scared!

[tena47]

Hi, I hope you can help me or at least give me some insight here.  I put this question under OCD, because from that has spawned my anxiety, depression, bi-polar II, & body-dismorphic disorder.  I'm 34 and currently being treated by a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with all of the above.  I'm on a combo of Luvox, Pristiq and Xanex to sleep at night.  In the past, I've suffered with eating disorders, especially bulima.  My problem now is that sometimes I have days where I feel ok and that I'm almost handling life.  And then others where I fall so deep into my obsessive thinking, fear and depression, that I become so anxious to the point that I'm twitching and can't cope with anything.  My obsession lies in my mirror.  I'm contantly analyzing and trying to perfect my looks.  I am not vain, but feel extremely defective and out of control, and the only way to alleviate these feelings is by ritualistic procedures.  I should mention that I have a toddler and husband who has his own laundry list of problems, including anger (he has thrown things at me, and shoved me, even hit me a couple of times in the past).  Sometimes he's the greatest guy in the world, but then others he is my worst enemy and a cause of alot of anxiety.  On his behalf, he does find the amount of time I spend in the bathroom irritating as I am in there for hours a day sometimes and he feels neglected.  However, on the other hand, it seems like he kicks me when I'm down, telling me my medicine is doing nothing for me, and how I'm not pulling my weight in the household & a terrible wife (I'm a working mom, and doing the best I can to balance keeping my husband calm, raising my daughter, maintaining my job, and dealing with my illnesses).  Anyhow, the weekends are so bad sometimes that I'm reduced to tears for hours on end because of these fights.  I don't feel I have the strength or self esteem to leave, although my family doesn't know how long I'm going to go on like this.  

[hopelessme]

i feel the same way as these ladies! i struggle every day looking at the mirror trying to change myself, i am only 34 and reached early menepause last year and since then my skin took the worst toll of it all!! i use to like who i was and looking in the mirror was a not a big deal but now these days i seem to do only that! i am starting bioidentical hormones soon which i hope will help me out but i am reluctant to take medication for this! what else can i do??

[robrien57]

I went through exactly what you wrote, I almost thought someone was writing about me.
I was on a laundry list of pills during my marriage.  As you stated, he has his problems too.  I went to therapy for 7 years and group therapy for many more.  My anxiety reached a point where I was cowering in a corner shaking.
I too was a working Mom and had a toddler.  I too did not think I was good enough and sought perfection to an insane level.  

I have to agree with the Drs assessment.  After 17 year of that life, I left moved in with my brother so I could get my head together.  After a while I didn't need all the pills.  I started liking my self and taking care of myself.  

I found the courage to make the move when I thought about what our fighting was doing to our daughter.  

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The pills are not the answer.  You can't separate out these symptoms from your relationship tensions with your husband, they both feed into each other in a very complex way. You have to sort this out with your therapist, and if you psychiatrist is only giving you meds but not psychotherapy, ask for a referral to a therapist who can see you individually, and then at sometime in the future, see you and your husband together.